Wednesday, December 23, 2009


10 yrs back, my parents sent me to Bangalore to give me a normal (and better) life, far way from the bombs and guns, while they chose loneliness for themselves. i packed all my childhood dreams into one suitcase, and left home. Now, i have booked a flat in Bangalore. i am extremely happy to have done it, but i felt a pang of guilt thinking i may never go back. i hope age catches up with my parents and in-laws a tad slow, and they are able to travel and stay with us for sometime.

Well, 2009 has been a year of learning for me. S' brother passed way leaving 2 young children. He was a single parent too. i lost a friend in childbirth. The baby survived. She didn't. i lost both my grandmas, two strong women, widowed at a very young age, and who struggled to bring their children up. One was 100 and the other was 98.

2009 was the year when my honeymoon period ended and i woke up to responsibilities. i learnt the difference between donating money and giving money out of commitment. While courting, S told me that he is sponsoring the education of a boy, his brother and kid sister. i felt 'wow' that is so nice, the ideal family man etc. Living it out was difficult, in fact, very difficult, being someone who has always believed in 'retail therapy' even for mood swings. We had to think about the two children too, while S faced the recession with no salary for a few months, job insecurity and pay cuts. i had to have a paradigm shift to be able to accept things the way they were and expect less.
Got the benefit of being married to a large family when his younger siblings did well. S felt like a proud parent and i did too.

2009 was the year when my assertive skills and patience were tested when the in-laws came to live with us for a couple of months. Been on my own for almost a decade and then to have someone, suddenly tell you how to dress, cook, and behave was killing. i felt claustrophobic, i felt like tearing my hair apart. i often thought of speaking my mind and refusing outright, but when i saw the mother-son-father laughing over coffee, i did not have the heart to speak out or say that our values were different in some cases. in the end, i ended up being good friends with my ma-in-law and i heard she raves about me at home. S is very proud about it, though i still feel i have to get even with him.

2009 was the year when my dream for a flat got big, bigger, vanished and then came back with a bang. Went all across Bangalore in an auto for site visits for a year. We were tempted to change the game plan and go for a car instead, but i am glad we didn't. Finally, booked a flat the first time we saw it after all the merry-go-round. Just like getting married!

2009 made me question myself at times, "why did i get married?" cos i often came back late from work, stressed, tired and famished to an empty house as S worked even more late in his new job. Sometimes, i sat alone and cried just to realize i am very hungry and raided the refrigerator. A full stomach translated to positive thoughts that said, we are in it together :-)

2009 gave me the opportunity to work in a new organization with some amazing colleagues. Unfortunately, many have left the place. Filling Station, Kormangala became our once-in-a-month adda where we laughed and bonded after work.

2009 gave me the opportunity to perform the Salsa with a colleague of mine. i enjoyed it thoroughly. i also had the chance to go for an ‘all women trip’ to Hampi. Boy, it was fun. also managed a couple of breaks with S- Wayanad, Yercaud, Ooty, Conoor etc.

2009 made me stronger as a person and taught me life skills. Very early in the marriage, i have realized it needs a lot more giving.

2009 made me see that the eye-candy at work is about 5 yrs younger than me. When did men become so young and i, so old!

2009 made me addicted to Farmville. (got it while waiting for S to come home). He might just ask me to choose between him and Farmville. i am choosing Farmville!!! :-)

Saturday, December 12, 2009

earth without maps

"My darling. I'm waiting for you. How long is the day in the dark? Or a week? The fire is gone, and I'm horribly cold. I really should drag myself outside but then there'd be the sun. I'm afraid I waste the light on the paintings, not writing these words. We die. We die rich with lovers and tribes, tastes we have swallowed, bodies we've entered and swum up like rivers. Fears we've hidden in - like this wretched cave. I want all this marked on my body. Where the real countries are. Not boundaries drawn on maps with the names of powerful men. I know you'll come carry me out to the Palace of Winds. That's what I've wanted: to walk in such a place with you. With friends, on an earth without maps. The lamp has gone out and I'm writing in the darkness." Katharine in The English Patient

looks like I'll have just one more post this year, a 'goodbye 2009' post. I am indulging in many other things other than blogging though I know, I'll always come back here.
Lot's of things happening in my life.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

oh, i have a blog

self-pity and me don't go together. I was bedridden for sometime. felt terrible as the life partner, husband in other words, had to work long hours and I was left to myself. watched a lot of movies one after the other, in the laptop without getting out of bed. Those Kate and Leopold, a walk in the clouds, PS I love you, Someone like you, Forever young, romantic movies of my generation, I must say. Then I went on to the Lord of the rings series. I watched about 30 movies and then finally got bored and jumped out of bed, and started going back to work.

Now, there is work and more work. There are calls which goes on till 9.30 pm while he still continues to come late. There is no work-life balance, but a great work-work balance between S' and mine.

And then there was 'Ethnic day' celebration at work. We were announced that we would win prizes. I went as colourful as a peacock in my ethnic dress. Didn't know where the judges were and ended up not winning. We just got a mail that two ladies have won. They just wore some sari, mine was intricate and difficult to manage and ...peacock colourful.

I hope the winners are not reading this. I hope the judges are reading this.

Anyway, sad and heartbroken, I overdosed on the sweets that the company gave. Man, I just wanted to die!
But all was not lost. I made a colleague buy me chocolate. He is on the 5th floor and I sit in the 2nd floor. He pinged me saying that he wanted to see me in my traditional dress. I said, buy me a chocolate and come. He did.

I thought I have lost my negotiation skills with men after getting married, but well, it is like never forgetting how to swim.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

and sometimes you bleed

And sometimes, you bleed just to know you are alive.
i am puking, i am crying, i am bleeding,
until i am left with no strength
it is not just the pain, it is also the fear that it may take away my dreams, bleed them away forever...
i curl up to a ball as if this would help me stop my insides from tearing apart
you look at me concerned, while i look at you through the excruciating pain, knowing you cannot bear half the pain that i am going through
my insides turn, they ache and scream,
my heart pounds everywhere, louder than ever
As you hold me tight, i know i am not ready to, not... just... yet
perhaps, the dreams will take wings again.

Friday, September 18, 2009

I want some drama

squint your eyes and look closer
I'm not between you and your ambition
I am a poster girl with no poster
I am thirty-two flavors and then some
and I'm beyond your peripheral vision
so you might want to turn your head
cause someday you're going to get hungry
and eat most of the words you just said

What else do you expect in life after having a good job and a good husband? Mom and my mother-in-law will reply 'a child' i am sure, but that is not my point.

I think I need some drama in my life.

The weather is so nice right now that I am nostalgic and wish to go home. The thought of going home puts me in a dilemma. I don't know 'home' means in-laws' place or mom's place and what kind of scheming or debating i must go through to stay where i want.

Wonder what 'value add' marriage has brought in my life other than some more responsibilities. hmph!

My English teacher in 6th standard explained asparagus to be something that we eat in my state, called 'Yaipan' in the local dialect. (We make pakoras and some curry out of it. ) I did a Google search a couple of years back to realise that what we eat is not asparagus, but something else. It is another form of arrowroot and not asparagus. Those were the days when we had no internet and teachers could say anything they wanted, and Amrika was so far away.

Talking about Amrika, i am going to Tamil Nadu to meet my brother and his family. They are settled there. If I can talk about Amrika, i can talk about Tamil Nadu.

Me and some colleagues wanted to visit Goa. I have been wishing to visit this place while S feels it is overhyped. I had even started imagining myself walking on the beach, promenading peacefully under a blamelessly blue sky, drinking Fenny or some fruit juice. One by one the colleagues dropped out and one male colleague and I were left. Knowing that our respective spouses are not so kind to allow just the two of us go ahead, Goa got shelved. Now, I have to beg S to take me by December at least. How much pride I had in announcing that I am off to Goa with colleagues!

So, I am off to TN to meet the nephew. I am giving some bonding time to S and pa-in-law (ma-in-law has left). Let the father-son duo gossip about women if they want.

and god help you if you are an ugly girl
course too pretty is also your doom
cause everyone harbors a secret hatred
for the prettiest girl in the room
and god help you if you are a pheonix
and you dare to rise up from the ash
a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy
while you are just flying back

I'm not trying to give my life meaning by demeaning you
and I would like to state for the record
I did everything that I could do
I'm not saying that I'm a saint
I just don't want to live that way no,
I will never be a saint but I will always say~ 32 Flavours, Ani Difranco.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

It cannot get more eventful

i did not understand why Karnataka, a BJP-ruled government declared a state holiday when the AP CM expired. is it because our airport is so far away that AP has been considering that it is theirs and since our airport can be part of AP, AP can be part of Karnataka? This doesn't make sense? then, please explain the holiday.

Anyway, i am going to start house-hunting again. yeah, it is a good way to spend your weekends. call up and visit one or two projects, come back and sleep over it. i am seriously planning to start another blog and review the projects. i have seen at least 60 to 70 projects in Bangalore.
The last time, we had finalised on a project and almost booked it. Suddenly, S' company stopped paying his salary. Bah, we were prepared for a salary cut, but 'no salary' was life-altering.

We had to change the game plan. From house-hunting to job-hunting, and this mental shift was really difficult for me. i braced myself to be the sole income earner for a few months. i was stressed that i shopped a lot. got some 6 pairs of new shoes and a lot of clothes during those months.

Then my organization started to play ping pong. re-org after re-org happened and i am in a new project with a new person under a new manager. Then the family played sick-sick. First it was ma-in-law and S, then pa-in-law. The baton was passed back and forth, until it reached me. With the Swine flu scare around, the past few months have been only about visiting the doctor every other weekend. i feel like writing about the experiences with the different docs that we visited too, but let me save it for another day. i only know, life has been really eventful these past months and i am going to start house-hunting again. jai hind!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

A to Z tag

AmitL tagged me(thank you, ji)to do this A to Z tag, and here goes:
A. Attached or Single?
Attached. It was ‘Confused’ for quite some time.
B. Best Friend?
My group of childhood friends from school and J.
C: Cake or pie?
Both, occasionally.
D. Drink of choice?
Black tea with lime, black coffee, cold coffee, vodka with a dash of lime, and fresh fruit juices.
E. Essential item you use every day?
Water, food, clothes, bathroom items etc.
F. Favorite color?
Depends on the mood, but I like red.
G. Gummy bears or worms?
what the *beep* !:-)
H. Hometown?
Imphal- I might retire there. Indulge in gardening and teach children.

I. Favorite indulgence?
Blogging when I am not supposed to. (get the hint)
J. January or July?
January, of course. It is my birth month. It is winter and the dishes are yum that time of the year at home, though winter is not my favorite season.
K. Kids & their names?
Lubentina, the greek goddess of garden.
L. Life isn’t complete without?
Some music.
To add to this, marriage is not complete without the mom-in-law. :-)
M. Marriage date?
Well, wanted it to be 07-07-07. We were chased out as we did not have all the papers. :-) Then we got married and after that I forgot. Marriage makes you forgetful. What did you ask?
N. Number of Siblings?
2 big brothers and 1 big sister. Big family, happy family! :-)
O. Oranges or Apples?
Both and some more. The HR in my ex org kept on telling me, comparing the two BUs that I worked for is like comparing an orange and an apple. I left the organization because I didn’t get what she was saying. ;-)
P. Phobias?
I am afraid of the dark.
Q. Quotes?
“They laugh at me cos I am different. I laugh at them cos they are all the same.”
R. Reasons to smile?
love, life, health, internal peace.
S. Season?
Spring and rainy season. Love the new leaves and flowers. Love the smell of wet earth. Reminds me of childhood.
T. Tag people:
Anyone reading this post and finding the tag interesting.
U. Unknown fact about me?
I was adopted. No, I am lying.
V. Vegetable?
potato, tomato, onion. (my essentials)
W. Worst habit?
Biting nails (not any more). Running to the pick-up point every morning.
X. X-ray you've had?
Y. Your favorite food?
Not particular, but I like egg curry and Indianised Chinese food.
Z. Zodiac sign?
Capricorn. Am I cool or what!

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Time to Opine

While I opine about the situation I am in; because of the in-laws, I had forgotten that the summer is almost over and left to myself, I would have anyway worn the clothes that I am forced to wear because of them.

Saw the partner who comes home much later than me, eat happily, chit chat with parents, giggle with me in bed, and somehow find time to do the things that he loves to do- read a book or watch a movie, and I realize how much complacent I have become or how busy I was, feeling busy. I am sure he must be getting good sleep too, while I worry myself bald and worry over the baldness again.

I am friends with a lady who sell vegetables. I am her regular customer. Yes, I am good at it- relationships (I think). She is 26, younger than me and has 3 kids. 2 daughters and a son. Sometimes, I give her a little extra money; sometimes she gives me a little more vegetable. I gave her son; the clothes that I had intended to gift my nephew and keep telling her not to have another child. She smiles and keeps saying ‘yes’. I suddenly notice her stomach bulge again. She covers it with her sari if she sees me. Don’t know if I am imagining. I often ignore her smile, and start to worry about her, about the kids, the world, population, pollution, and wonder if I’d ever want to have a child of my own. She seems to be ever-smiling through it all.

Monday, July 27, 2009

At the cafeteria and some hangover

At the cafeteria, I noticed a lady wearing a slogan T shirt. I nudged my colleague and said, “look at that”. My colleague asked me, “Is my bum as big as her’s?” Now, for opening my mouth, I was forced to compare and contrast two things, which were not objects of my desire.

Moral of the story: Be specific about what you are pointing out.

I will not talk about the movie, The Hangover. I am sure many of you would have already watched it or are in the process of downloading it. I am going to talk about the object of my attention, S’ hangover.

Once, we partied at a friends’ place. We normally stay back at their place or they stay back at our place if we drink at night. After downing some pegs of old monk and vodka and waxing eloquent on Richard Dawkins and Statistical modeling, S got up, washed his plate and declared he is sleepy and wanted to call it a day. Later, in the middle of the night, he cuddled up and asked me if he had dinner and what did we have for dinner. He knew that I was his wife (unfortunately! :-) ) and that we were at his friends place, but he had no recollection of events after the 3rd peg. It freaked me out. He came home and researched on the net to see if there have been similar cases, and some people wrote that they don’t remember what happened for 3 days at a stretch. In the movie, at least they were under the influence of drugs. I told S not to drink when I am not around and not to exceed 2 pegs.

Since this is my blog, let me stop with what I said/ordered/instructed and not add what he replied.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The bubble wrap

As I waited for him at the airport, I went back in time to recollect if we had ever hugged. We had been friends from a very long time, but beyond the high fives and the pats on the back, we had never really touched each other. Oh yes, we had. We held hands in a school play. Thank God, I was the girl and he was the guy. Considering the way I was, I could have very much acted as a guy too. I have portrayed the role of a drunkard with élan and the trophy at home is witness to that.

I have hugged my boyfriends, I mean my friends who are boys, but I guess I have been a little reserved towards him from the beginning.

Suddenly, I could see his head and then the trolley. At one glance he saw me, and pushed the trolley towards me. Now that we were a couple, suddenly, I felt shy. Is there a phrase ‘shyly excited’ or ‘excitedly shy’? I was feeling that. He proposed me from across the miles and I accepted. It was inevitable in some way and somehow, I knew it all along that this is going to happen though I had dated other people.

A meek ‘hi!’ escaped from my lips and I just smiled. Had it been any other time, we would have been in a group shouting and cheering. His friends would have asked him which poison has he bought and then gang up to finish it. I remember us converting the dollars to rupees. If somebody used to spill a drop of the drink, we used to say that 50 Rs is gone.

We headed towards their apartment. It was the same place where I had met his gang of friends, the gang whom I named albeit fondly, the Trophy gang. They had this habit of lining up empty bottles-alcohol, deodorants, water, coke, and even ash-trays, as if they were some trophy. It was the same place where we had strummed the guitar and sang ourselves hoarse. I am sure the boys had their own pet peeves for having to run and get dressed, to look decent when a girl was visiting unannounced, while they laid nonchalantly in their bare basics on a hot summer day.

We met M in the apartment. Came to know B had moved out with his girlfriend in another flat and C had moved with his sister. M will be married in another 3 months and he decided to retain the flat. So, he would be staying with M for a month. The gang would be coming in the evening again I was told.

The room was suddenly quiet. I didn’t know what to do and took a bubble wrap from one of his gift items, and started bursting one by one. He took it from my hands suddenly and gave me his palm. He asked me to read his palm as I had often boasted of knowing palmistry. I played along. I traced the lines of his palm with all seriousness knowing very well, the trap. This was not a handshake; this was not our high fives, this was the first touch of new lovers.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

The Proposal

I remember coming back to the hostel after watching ‘Miss Congeniality’ and taking another 1 and half hours to narrate scene by scene to J, some even with actions. I was a good crapologist and J giggled through it all. I miss her.

Watched The Proposal at the Fame, Lido (road is damn congested because of the metro coming up). Enjoyed it thoroughly even though it is a candy floss cliché filled rom-com. You know the ending, you know the story but the journey was fun-filled and had us in splits.

The story is simple: devil boss, enterprising subordinate, boss proposes marriages to save her a*se, plays romantic couple to convince people and family, falls in love, happy ending. Sandra Bullock plays Margaret, another version of the devil boss like Meryl Streep did, but she manages to come on her own.

Ryan Reynolds had lovely comic timing and facial expressions. The grandma was just amazing. Her jungle dance to thank the mother earth and then Sandra joining her in the act was too funny. There is another funny scene on the wedding dress with the grandma and I will not spoil it by talking about it.

The office scenes were good. She is referred as ‘it’ by the staff and they flash messages to each other. I won’t tell where, but we once had a group chat in the team against the boss. Hence, the unity of the staff and the scenes made me laugh a lot.

I worked for a small firm once and we did not get internet connectivity for all the 9 hours at work. We used to tell the system admin to let us know when it was connected without the boss’ knowledge. The sys admin would come out and rotate his finger in the air. That was the sign we had been waiting for. Immediately, we would jump and open yahoo mail (this was the most popular those days) and browse for the next 45 minutes. It felt like heaven.

I will write about some fun-at-work moments someday. Coming back to the movie, it is paisa vasool.

Crapologist: One who specializes in handing out crap but presents it in such a fashion that it appears to be fact (Courtesy: Urban Dictionary)

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Quote for the day

MILs are just so harmless and nice. You just have to do whatever they say.” ~ Arunima, Blogger.

Saturday, July 04, 2009

my Einstein brains at the Antakshari

We were shown a clip. The clip just before the song,"hal kesa hai janab ka". I have not been watching Tv so, I am quite rusted when it comes to visuals. There were negative markings too. We had to pass or give the correct song. My colleague knew the name of the movie and couldn't really recollect the song and went on saying,"yaar, ye wo phisalne wala gaana hai" again and again. You know what my Einstein brains started visualising that moment? Jack and Jill tumbling down. Yes, it was a hindi-movies-only Antakshari and the word 'phisalna' conjured up the image of Jack and Jill to me and nothing else. We scored zero in that round.

Next was an audio-visual round. A video of a scene before a song would be played but the sound track of another movie would be in the background. We got the first video and the song right, which was from Golmal. The background audio was from Gupt. We identified the movie, but gave the wrong song. Most of Gupt's songs start with similar music and it was tough to identify the difference in 10 secs. We scored zero in this round again.

Therefore, we lost. We led until the 5th round out of 7. Had a chance until the last round, but ended up 3rd or 4th. (doesn't matter as we were not runner's up either). A team that almost got eliminated won. Charged up with all the songs starting with 'u' and 'th', I sat and perhaps, went on sitting. :-)

High points:

We won an award for having the most innovative team name, which was "Galle me khitch khitch". Yours truly gave the name against some team mates resisting it. Other teams had sur, jhankar beats etc.

It was a lot of fun.

I got complimented for having a good voice from some people.

Monday, June 29, 2009


We have an Antakshari competition coming up. I don't tweet and so, I have to blog it.
Please help me with songs that start with 'th' like 'thori' or U, as in 'unse'.
I know this song, 'unse milli nazar' beyond that, I am blank about songs that start with U(oo).
I'll come back with the updates by saturday or sunday.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009


I have been wishing to read Sea of Poppies (Amitav Ghosh) and The Lost Flamingoes of Bombay (Siddarth Sanghvi).

A few days back, when I came home from work, the ‘Sea of Poppies’ in a hard cover was waiting for me. I flipped the pages and I saw the following written in my husband’s beautiful handwriting.

To Arunima,
For the voyages, and all the adventures,
past, present, and future
S. "
I smiled and then jumped and thanked him, then hugged him, then kissed him then I ran back from the kitchen again to read it and re-read it, and thanked him again and kissed him and smiled and jumped and hugged and kept on smiling.

Thursday, June 04, 2009

that young woman

I first thought she is a kiddo who is giving her 12 boards. I came to know she is a kiddo who is giving her 10th. Well, she has passed her 10th with flying colors. She is all grown up and she is taking on her father on whether to attend CBSE, ISC or ICSE.

Read what she has written to her readers in the side bar of her blog and you’ll know that she means business. She is witty, she is smart and, she has ATTITUDE! At her age, I would have perhaps, liked myself being addressed as a young woman but, I can’t help saying that she is so so cute.

Dear All, meet Ramya. She has given me some awards too, honest scrap award... wait, let me scream out loud. Honest Scrap AWARD and Friendly Blog AWARD.

Thanks kiddie, I never knew people your age read my blog. She is 15. Hell, I really don’t know if people read my blog at all.

You make me feel like a fossil at times but, it is really nice to have you around.

In the news:
I have started gymming because mother-in-law is coming.
I have realized that my husband is very learned. Remember, without blinking an eye, he gave me the statistics of models appearing on Playboy. How learned! How confident!

Saturday, May 30, 2009


Watched Doubt. This time around, the devil doesn’t wear Prada but a religious habit, and plays Sister Aloysius Beauvier. You can’t tell if she is a devil or the angel though she acts every bit like the devil in her role as the principal of a catholic school. She confiscates radio from students, doesn’t allow them to use ballpoint pen, checks if their nails are kept short and clean and, advices a teacher that the photo-frame should be placed right in front of the blackboard so that the teacher can see from the reflection what the children are doing behind her back. Any misbehaving student is sent to the Princi’s office.

She reminded me of school and an Italian nun we had, Sister Amelia. She used to punish anybody and everybody for anything and everything.

While she is around and if you pass by and, if you see a piece of paper on the ground, it’s your day. You have to pick it up and throw it in the nearest bin before she tells you. Else, she would catch you and not allow you to join the assembly prayers. You will be released only after you say ‘sorry’ after the prayers. If we see her, all of us used to start searching for papers on the ground and sometimes pick up non-existent litter and run towards the bin and escape. We were not allowed to hold hands and walk (it was a girls’ school) or to run and scream. We used to wear solemn faces around her, wish her ‘Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening’ and walk past (paper picking is when you are in primary) and continue playing the fool once she was out of sight.

In school, we also had these bag checking, nail checking, uniform checking, and book checking sessions. Looking back though, I have only sweet memories of my school. Sister Amelia has also passed away after years of service in that school.

Coming back to the movie, it was an amazing performance from the two lead actors, Meryl Streep and Philip Seymour Hoffman. In short, it is about a conservative nun who suspects a liberal priest of making wrong advances to a black boy and confronts him. The ending was still left to interpretation.

The drama is woven around the exploration of desperation, the vehemence of conviction and the all-encompassing and all-consuming doubt-doubt over your faith, doubt over someone else's faith.

Monday, May 25, 2009

My point (Monday morning point)

Maya, Chaya, Laloo, Billoo, Gowdapa, Gowramma, just about everybody was ready to give unconditional support to the UPA.

And look at how the DMK bargained. They should have created some new posts like the Minister of Potholes, Minister of Underground Cables, Minister of digging, Minister of filling etc. I am sure they'll have enough work to do for the next 5 years.

The words,' shame' and 'ethics' doesn't exist for these people. Like the Shotgun Murugan SRK said in OSO, I feel like calling them Rascalas!

The paper said that Carmen Electra is going to star in some series nude. (I don't know how nude. That is not my point.) The point is that she has already appeared nude in Playboy, perhaps twice as per reports from my husband. It is like saying Celina Jaitley is going to expose. Google for these two ladies and the images that pop up will talk for themselves. I mean who is interested in seeing Celina Jaitley expose? She is always almost naked with her b(infinity symbol)bs jetting out all the time and hot pants for public dos. So coming back to Carmen Electra, has she sprouted a third t*t that the paper is so much interested in her exposing?

This is my point on a monday morning. ehem! have a great week ahead.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

it's been 5 yrs

I realised I have been blogging for 5 yrs. As the archives show, I started in May '04. I have been tempted to change my template very few times, but somehow I am still with the old template.

It has been fun to write.

I have realised its personality is very much like mine.
I have realised I'll continue writing for a long time.
I have realised I don't keep on thinking about my blog as I used to do earlier. I write when I feel like it and I write what I want.

Hell, the title should have been 'Realisation'. Look at the amount of 'I have realised' that I have used. And now, don't start thinking that I have been living a moronic existence all this while. shoo!
I am just trying to give away a little more of my character perhaps, through the rightful use of the wrong words.

I have a group of 5 best friends from school. We are still in touch like the old times. Some of them, I have known for almost 26 yrs of my life.

I am still in touch with a gilli-danda friend in the neighbourhood from childhood.

I am still in touch with my first roomie in Bangalore, who has gone back to Mizoram now.

I met J in the other hostel. We are still in touch and I am in touch with another 2 friends from that hostel.

I am in my 6th company now. I found many good people in each company, but I found at least a good friend in most of them with whom I still catch up.

I am still in touch with Meg, my only male best-friend left. We've been friends since '95.

Many have drifted in between and there is an occasional hi! and bye! on social networking sites. But, for these friends, we've never required a social networking site to be in touch or to catch up with each other.

In the blog world too, I have some blogger friends. If I have aged as a writer, I have grown as a reader too and it has been a wonderful experience. Even with so many interesting new bloggers popping up every other day, I am glad that some of you still care to drop by. I am glad that in these 5 yrs, some of you have really mattered to me and I have mattered to some of you and I hope to say someday that I have been reading you for the past 10 years like I just said about my childhood friends.

Congratulations to Shub. Wish you a very happy married life!

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Where does it end?

I fell in love with you watching Casablanca
Back row of the drive-in show in the flickering light
Popcorn and cokes beneath the stars
Became champagne and caviar
Making love on a long hot summer's night

They met at work, her first and his second. Sparks flew and the inevitable happened. It happened in a city where people were judged only by love and companionship, not the sameness of caste or creed. The relationship matured as they moved ahead with their careers and different companies. She had always been independent and that was what her parents intended too, sending away their daughter to the city to work. When the talk about marriage with this guy came up, however, the parents did not agree.

I think they have been going around for more than 6 years now. I find them to be like any other young, good-looking and compatible couple.

Her father died without agreeing to the alliance and that broke her resolve to go on fighting. Perhaps, he didn’t know he would die. It was cancer I heard. The mother still sings the same tune, widowed and still mourning the husband that would never come back, to fulfill his wishes without ever bothering to meet this guy. Is there a point? He is from a different caste you see!

She said she is not marrying him and have agreed to her mom to marry whoever she chooses. Makes me very bitter about the whole thing. The first words that came to mind were to say that the old man is dead but, I stopped myself.

They still meet and kill themselves a little each day.

I guess there're many broken hearts in Casablanca
You know I've never really been there so I don't know
I guess our love story will never be seen
On the big wide silver screen
But it hurt just as bad when I had to watch you go

Wednesday, April 29, 2009


"So in the end, was it worth it? Jesus Christ. How irreparably changed my life has become. It's always the last day of summer and I've been left out in the cold with no door to get back in. I'll grant you I've had more than my share of poignant moments. Life passes most people by while they're making grand plans for it. Throughout my lifetime, I've left pieces of my heart here and there. And now, there's almost not enough to stay alive. But I force a smile, knowing that my ambition far exceeded my talent. There are no more white horses or pretty ladies at my door. "
~ George (Johnny Depp)
The ending lines of the movie, Blow.

Of late, I find Johnny Depp to be one among my kind of handsome actors.

I used to go Keanu Reeves Keanu Reeves, George Clooney George Clooney and the Robinhood guy, Kevin Costner.

In the current list, the others are:

Joaquin Phoenix (I even like the name in his case),
Leonardo DiCaprio(I watched Titanic and Romeo & Juliet first before coming across Basketball diaries and Gilbert Grape, and thought he is a chocolate hero but, he has more meat than that)
Edward Norton (Watch Painted Veil to believe me. I am having a huge crush on him.)

I have watched almost all the movies by these actors.

Monday, April 20, 2009

The election and the middle class dreams

My name did not appear in the Voters’ list.

I have never voted in my life and really wanted to do it this time. Submitted the forms through the VotedeIndia corporate initiatives. I think I selected the wrong constituency and ward no. in the form. I am crazy and I live in a crazier locality is my thinking. It is neither-here-nor-there kind of a place. Google map was a little dicey and it did not throw up the right constituency. I reconfirmed with my landlord and also the neighbor and both of them said that what I have selected is right. Apparently, it was not so. I am angry with the Landlord, the neighbor, myself and, everything else in between.

Humko Vote dena mangta!
I think I’ll go and simply stare at the voters or sing Tarzan Boy. Why? Simply! I like the tune.

Considering the recession, I bought a cheap pair of sandals for work. Now, let me first talk about my feet. Cheap footwear and my feet don’t go well. This has been since childhood. My feet look like those of a duck, very beautiful! Mom tried to make me wear some cheap shoes and after 3 months, the toes would pop out of the shoes, start smiling and greet her, “hello mommy, your daughter needs better shoes.”

I envy those people who can just slip on anything. There are a lot of foot wears for ladies that are quite cheap and stylish, the flip flops in all shades, the thin straps and so on.

I look at them longingly, but my feet can take only those that are strong hearted else, it will win and leave the sandals in tatters. If you ask me what I would do if I had lots of money, my answer would be,”I’d get a foot job done.” That is one reason why I don’t have lots of money. Now, you might think this is crazy, but I had a hostel mate who wanted to correct her toe nails with surgery if possible. We shook the hostel laughing, after hearing that.

Coming back to the point, I bought cheap footwear for work and after a week of running to the pick-up point, it started laughing. That is when I got angry and being fed up with recession, started the shopping spree.

I bought 3 pairs of really good sandals. Now, I have a rack full of foot wears. It’s a different thing that it has always been full. I also bought some formal shirts and finished it with a nice Kurti and a holiday with S to Wayanad, Kerala (holiday post coming up) to beat the recession to pulp.

It is not like we have not been affected. The flat did not happen as our salaries became unpredictable. I did all kinds of math, but realized they were just not adding up to what we require and it would be too risky to commit on huge EMIs now.

These are the dreams of a middle class. I cheer myself up by saying; “it is ok, this is what I am, I have never been anything else.”

I am going to do something now. Let the flat happen whenever it has to. For now, I’ll change the curtains of the current rented accommodation. Yes, I can do that.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

When I became a scheming woman

When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful,
a miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical.
And all the birds in the trees,
well they’d be singing so happily,joyfully, playfully watching me.
But then they send me away
to teach me how to be sensible, logical, responsible, and practical.

I thought I was quite assertive. Well, that was until I met my mother-in-law. I wanted to stay at my parents’ when I went home as I was going alone without S to attend my childhood friend R’s wedding. I rehearsed what I am going to say to her and how I am going to say it and if she gives me some reasons for saying ‘no’, how I should reason with her. The husband neatly walked out of this by saying that he doesn’t want to get involved as both women mean a lot to him and he doesn’t want to take sides. (Bah, I’ll remember this) After all this preparation, when I finally opened my mouth, she said,”No”. That was it. I was blank. Every idea evaporated and I forgot all the corporate trainings that I received and the case studies we had about being assertive. I meekly said ‘ok’ and hung up.

That was when I wished I was not married, but the deed was done.

I had to find a way out.

I resorted to telling half truth. Ha ha ha.

Booked my flight a few days earlier and stayed at home and then went to my in-laws as the dutiful bahu. Since, it was a small place I was worried if some common friends who are in the neighborhood would mention to them that I was home. R, the bride was more worried for me than her own marriage. I joked that I’ll go to the market in the car wearing a helmet to avoid being recognized.

It was funny, it was scary. Having done this, it was easier to stay at the in-law’s place and be the dutiful bahu, coy and obedient else, I would have been really disappointed about my vacation. I have stayed away from home for almost a decade. I don’t go home every year and desperately wanted to stay with my parents.

Co-sister was there for company. She was with the in-laws for about 6 months as she waited for her passport and visa to join bro-in-law in the U.S. She did everything the way mom-in-law wanted and I had to toe the line. I was surprised, but I did learn some things from her, about endurance and being nice, not because they are nice, but because you are.

I have decided to boycott any training on people management or assertiveness.

And they showed me a world where I could be so dependable, clinical, intellectual, cynical.
There are times when all the world’s asleep,
the questions run too deep for such a simple man.
Won’t you please, please tell me what we’ve learned
I know it sounds absurd but please tell me who I am.
Now watch what you say or they’ll be calling you
a radical, liberal, fanatical, criminal.
Won’t you sign up your name,
we’d like to feel you’re acceptable, respectable, presentable, a vegetable! ~ The logical song- Supertramp.

Monday, March 30, 2009


Don't know why the title! It is the word that came to mind when I thought of posting.

When I went home for vacation to my small home town, I came to know that 2 of my seniors in school are divorced. One is a doctor and was a brilliant student and the other is a successful, and well-known journo. In my current org, two of my colleagues are divorcees. 3 of my colleagues in the ex-office were divorcees. All three were under 30, without children. Some of them are extremely good looking and are wonderful people to work with. J had 3 lady managers out of 5, who were divorcees. Another colleague has 2 of her friends who are divorcees. One was married for three months, and another for one and a half years. Sometimes, I do wonder if this is what we call emancipation of women, independent and ambitious or their continuing victimization, forced to walk out of marriage because of domestic violence and harassment?

I am a feminist up to an extent. I believe that rather than being in a painful marriage, it is better to walk out and find your own place and voice. I don't know if these are cases of women going ahead of their male counterparts adapting with the changing times and the males being left behind, or something else.

After hearing about all these people and after seeing many of them happen in my own circle however, I don’t know if I should rejoice that women have finally found their courage to stand up for themselves for their rights or worry that with the new found courage and independence, people have forgotten to compromise.

I left my phone number on some property sites while I was searching for an apartment. Now, the buggers have shared my number with whom I don't know. I get an sms update on some fart shop being opened in Jayanagar and Vijaynagar too.

Work has been really hectic. I felt I earned every penny the hard way this month.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

random thoughts-not demented mind

Betrayed by youth, the thin old man struggled to push his cart full of vegetables, in the road that was inclined upwards to reach the market place.

Feeling guilty and helpless, i looked on quietly as i waited for my bus to work. i couldn’t carry vegetables to work even if i bought some from him.

Decided, i must get up early even on weekends to walk a little extra and buy from one of these vegetable sellers before they reached the market. The vegetables are anyway fresh and beautiful than those found in the racks of the beautiful stores, all fainted but wrapped in neat plastics.

Succeeded to do it, after much struggling to get out of bed. Then bought a nice breakfast for the husband on the way home and watched him eat happily. Boy, is he so easy to please or am i so much in love?

Listened to the kid neighbor talk about her vacation plans in zest. i might get bored if i get that much holiday. Am i getting old and boring?

Wishing for company to the pool, i told Archoo that it is time to get back to shape as her baby is 9 months old now. Headed to the pool to find a lot of overweight women in swim suits determined to swim away the inches.

Not being able to contain her happiness on being slimmer than some people, Archoo exclaimed loudly, “i am so happy about myself”. Shooed her away from the ladies before they heard and crushed us. Happiness is relative!

Enjoyed being part of the women brigade- all unconscious of their bodies in all shapes and sizes. Enjoyed more being part of the minority in that brigade-not come to learn swimming or lose weight.

Company of a female friend, pep talk, dip in the pool on a hot day and the taste of chilled and succulent watermelon. Heavenliness?!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Time and tide

I am not sure about time and tide not waiting for anyone, but my bus to work definitely doesn’t.

Run Arunima run.

Friday, March 06, 2009


“One for the cluck of a happy hen.
Two for the chirp of a sad wren.
Three for the hopping of a green spotty frog.
Four for the bark of a howling dog.
Five for the quack of a duck on the lake.
Six for the hissing of a slimy snake.
Seven for the swoop of a brown ugly owl.
Eight for the sneaking of a wolf on the prowl.
Nine for the scratching of a tiny rat.
Ten for the purr of a furry cat.”
Mrs. Pallister

I had taken some interactive learning games for my niece and nephews. Ni, the 1and half yr old wanted to play only when his cousin D plays. If he was not allowed, he’d cry. Other times, he is not interested and he didn’t want to play alone on his dad’s system. I was teaching D to play the games. He was busy with the mouse. Ni started climbing on my lap, reached out his small index finger and started pressing the spacebar. Well, nothing was wrong so far and D could still play. D was engrossed and did not bother what Ni was doing. Suddenly, Ni put his foot on the keypad demanding some action and attention. D started crying and then Ni joined.

I am helping a friend in creating a similar product for these VIPs with an attention span of a lightening bolt. What characters to use? Which songs to use? How to connect the interactivities? How to keep them engaged and learn? What if they don’t do anything? How to distract? What if they still don’t do anything? How to appeal the parents?

Before their parents shoot me down, this is a pic from one of those days during my vacation.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

oh my Gaad

Oh my Gaad! oh my effing Gaad!

I've been married for a year now.

It was quick.

No fights that lasted more than 5 minutes. S' culinary skills have improved. As for me, I was born with a bottle of masala and a ladle. Hence, I continue to comment ...on the salt and taste.(though I am lazy and run out of the kitchen at any given chance)

Lots of loving and lots of laughing.

More, I'll write as the years go by. Second, third and many more to come so...

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

MS errors and Indian-o-meter

It seems Microsoft is asking their laid-off workers to pay back extra money, which happened due to some error in calculation.

One of the comments in the article read,” Tell them to shut down and re-start. It works for all the other MS errors.” :-)

To me, the Slumdog Millionaire movie is an Indian movie. At least, it is more Indian than Bobby Jindal and Sunita Williams. We rejoiced when Sunita ate samosa. Why can’t we accept the movie as Indian? This is in my humble opinion and I can’t get more humble than this.

Had a long weekend as yesterday was also off due to the Shivaratri festival. Suddenly planned to go to Ooty without S with some of his friends. The plan crashed even before the take-off and they SMSed me with an apology. Crestfallen, I watched some more movies and finished a novel. Invited another couple and we partied at our place. I wanted to add some more exotic starters to what S was already preparing. After browsing for hours together, the exotic item that I prepared was beetroot salad.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The new job, the house-hunt, the old friend, the husband, and the Oscar

Almost a month and nary a word said!
It is time to get eloquent though I am still not sure what it is that I want to say. The new job is good (so far). The team is amazing and some of them are quite experienced and know much more than I know. Hope to learn from them. My antennas are in the receptive mode right now, learning and trying hard to impress.

There were more than ten compliance courses. To go to the loo, there was a compliance course, to talk to your colleagues, there was another. At the cafeteria, I could not laugh at the jokes fearing if I have broken some code of conduct and failed to honor another compliance course. If I had met any of my ex-colleagues in the first week asking about my whereabouts, I am sure I would have whispered the name of the company or just walked away without replying anything BECAUSE of the compliance courses. So, you know how they must be.

In the house-hunting front, we hunted an apartment. I had even imagined the wall colors the interiors, and the curtains, but decided not to go for it and just wait and watch. What are we waiting for; I am not really sure. Perhaps, we are looking to find out which one happens earlier, the fall of the price or the fall of the salary and along with it, whether we live hand- to- mouth with or without an apartment to our name.

I have a friend who wanted to buy an apartment but ended up buying a nice car. I am thinking if I must buy a Scooty. Yes, the Scooty Pep in pink. I’ll ride by putting a board reading Scorpio or Chevrolet Spark on it and get snooty with the Scooty. (wah, it rhymes).

The boys met and bonded over beer and rum. Meg came down and bonded with S. I managed to extract a gift from him-buttered him while he was in the U.K and sent him my wish-list whenever an occasion demanded. They praised me a lot and it went something like this:

S: Yaar, she doesn’t even bother whether there is Onion or Potato at home. She just comes home singing. While me on the other hand, think about all this the moment I step out of the office. I carry the entire load walking back from the office while it is just a stone’s throw away for her. If I don’t do it, there is nothing in the house. She will enter the kitchen happily singing again, and tell me, eiyo! there is no potato. I told her the potatoes are not non-state actors who would just appear from nowhere and have to be fetched from the shop.

Meg: And you remember her dance? She sent me the link and kept on asking me for the feedback. I come home around 11 pm and had to switch on the system and go through the ordeal almost dozing. When someone puts a gun on your head, what else can you do?

I couldn’t take any more praise and finished off the chicken before they could.

Moral of the story: Praise the woman if you want to eat something while you drink.

Here are the nominees of the 81st Oscar, and I have watched the following across all categories:

Slumdog Millionaire
The Reader
The curious case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
Hell Boy II: The golden army
The Duchess
The Wrestler
Vicky Christina Barcelona
The revolutionary road

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

For better or for worse

Now that shes back in the atmosphere
With drops of jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that theres time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like june, hey, hey

Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there.

Bade goodbye to my organization. i join another place on the 27th. The goodbye was a little tough this time. Looking back, i realize i really enjoyed it here and learnt a lot. In fact, i don’t know how fast time passed. 3 years-almost.

SMSed to my old boss R saying 'i am leaving X to join Y. Not a meaty position but i am getting somewhere.' i love reporting to him about what is happening in my career. That company, though it was a very small firm, was another place where i lasted for more than 2 years. He gave me the freedom to do everything i wanted- write, service clients, co-ordinate, move to HR and back. Other places in between have been just few months' wonders. Mr. R was genuinely interested in Paddu and my affairs too. i told him that she married someone we did not hear about and i married someone whom they have not heard about. His reply was, "I am not surprised." Well!!!

After his wife passed way, the company did not last long, he wrapped it up and moved to Mumbai to another line of business. While discussing projects, he used to give nit-bits about his wife and sometimes questioned, 'why she had to leave everything behind?". i never asked anything. He had asked me to take him to coffee when i was leaving, but i don't subscribe to the idea of coffeeing with bosses alone, no matter how much the mutual respect and never did it.

In that small organization, the office boy was Chintan, the coffee-guy was Salaam, the Admin and Facilities lady was Sapna. Every face in the office had a name i knew. i graduated to MNCs and learned not to smile to anybody in the lift, to be a non-existent entity when two people laughed over a joke even if they were standing close to me and i heard it all. The office boys, security guards and everybody else i didn't know became 'excuse me’.

This time, i felt a sense of loss on my last day as if an affair was ending, even if it was for the better. i had a good look at the access card and was quite sentimental when i surrendered. Walked slowly from A block to B block taking in the landscape of the campus and its beauty and how much of a stranger i would be from the next day onwards. It’s tough to bid goodbye to a place you loved so much, a brand so much respected, a cubicle you were possessive about and wonderful colleagues to work with. Analysts claim that it is one among the 3 companies to tide through the recession in the best way. i am not sure if i am throwing it all away. With the recession happening and people losing jobs left, right and centre, i take this plunge hoping this is for the better. Time will tell if i was the greatest fool or i took the right risk.

Have a week to fill in. Thought I’d go for some adventure sports. S is worried I’d slip and fall and perhaps, die. Reason for his worry he says- he has invested a lot of money on me to woo and get married.

Now that shes back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me theres room to grow, hey, hey

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the milky way
And tell me, did venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out thereDrops of Jupiter by Train.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The cowdung

Monday morning, I kicked (not stepped) on a heap of cowdung, fell and hurt myself. The shoes got spoilt. The palm started to bleed. No, I did not find anything else to kick. I had to kick the cowdung only. Yes, I did not see the big heap, the size of a ... the size of a BIG HEAP of COWDUNG lying right there on my path. I am so proud of my country and its cowdungs.
Mera bharat mahaan!

It must not be a cow, it must be a cowzilla.

What a way it was to start a monday!

I have not been able to do the dishes because of this and it is very inconvenient as it is the right palm. It is tough to keep it dry and it's taking time to heal.

Had been to Chennai to visit bro-in-law and family. They are going to the U.S for some years. Collected a lot of household items which they cannot carry there. Argued with S over a bunch of artificial flowers. Co-sister gave them to me lovingly as it was new and they hadn't used it. I told him I am going to keep it when we buy a flat and got the flowers along. By the way, I have started buying tea coasters for the new house. I don't know when is the house coming.
I am thinking I must also start buying rods for the curtains.

This is called setting your priorities right.

S booked the tickets. Instead of booking Bangalore to Chennai and Chennai to Bangalore, he booked Bangalore to Chennai in both the cases. Don't we make a good pair? One got hurt stepping over cowdung and one booked 2 onward- journey tickets. We had to come back in a bus in whatever seats available. I had the same pee related problem. S was angry that I cannot hold it being a woman. What has gender got to do with pee? If you want to do it, you want to do it. It is just that we have some civic sense and don't do it anywhere. If you are a guy in India, you just need a brick or a stone in your path to imagine that it is a wall and start. Honestly speaking, there have been times I wished I were a guy.

Missed the office cab that morning. Took rest for 2 hours and set off to work. I was angry with some autowallahs for refusing to take me where I wanted and started walking fast. That is when I missed the cowdung and fell... and hurt myself. It is all because I did not sleep in the bus and I was tired, which is again because S did not get the right tickets. I have finished my analysis here and I am feeling much better.

Talking about Chennai, I have made one more conclusion. It has got just two seasons, summer and summerer. Right now, summer is going on.

Monday, January 05, 2009

Enjoy the silence

Words like violence
Break the silence
Come crashing in
Into my little world
Painful to me
Pierce right through me
Cant you understand
Oh my little girl

All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They can only do harm

I saw something in your eyes that made me wish it was all real. Perhaps, there will be lessons learnt or perhaps, I’d never learn them. Gladly, I would have let you go having lived my life in those moments, those moments of pain and pleasure, but for your shallow words of praise, your shallow words of praise!

Read Suspended animation and this song and words came to mind.
Vows are spoken
To be broken
Feelings are intense
Words are trivial
Pleasures remain
So does the pain
Words are meaningless
And forgettable
Enjoy the silence. ~ Heard Tori Amos sing this. I don’t know who the original singer is.