Wednesday, December 15, 2010

i just had to share this

Cannot say more. Please read. Manipur: How to Lose a Generation, from Tehelka.


“I was reminded of something, an elusive rhythm, a fragment of lost words, that I had heard somewhere a long time ago. For a moment, a phrase tried to take shape in my mouth and my lips parted like a dumb man’s, as though there was more struggling upon them than a wisp of startled air. But they made no sound, and what I had almost remembered was uncommunicable forever."~ The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald.

I look out of the window and see the mist forming; the weather is just salubrious in namma Bengaluru. I love this place. If I hadn’t met with the accident, S would have been sending pictures of snow to me from the US by now, like he did last year. I have never seen snow in my life, not even been to Darjeeling.

I have memories of childhood, they say memories are selective. I have good memories of those with the siblings, friends in the neighborhood, good memories of mom and us, good memories of me and dad, but, I don’t have any memory of us as a family laughing together. I have some, of us playing Ludo and watching Cricket, Wimbledon together, but beyond those games, I have no memories of pep talk in the family over the dining table, over a cup of tea: mom, dad, and us children, or laughing like nuts over the antics of one of us or a silly joke. 19 years of my life, until I left for Bangalore, and no memory of us having a good time together as a family. Dumb brain!

Perhaps, my views in life have been too idealistic and my brain chose to remember what was worth remembering. Oh yes, it was the year 1989. We came for a South India trip and all of us went to eat chicken biryani, in some restaurant in Chennai. I remember that. I was too young, but we seemed contented. Perhaps, my family was a happy family.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

thoughts on the eve of the festival of lights

I wrote this on the eve of Diwali, but did not post it here. Like Pallavi did, i felt it is nice to reflect once in a while.

I hear some children laughing and bursting crackers outside the apartment. Ah, childhood, how easy it is to be happy! I thought it was shifting to the suburbs of Bangalore that has suddenly made me feel the chill nip in the air, but I realize, the year is slowly but surely coming to an end. On the eve of the festival of lights, as i send wishes to all my near and dear ones, i reflect and ask these questions to myself:
  • What or who inspired me this year?
  • How has my personal relationship with family, friends and colleagues been?
  • Did i make new friends?
  • What were my personal goals?
  • What were my career or financial goals?
  • What bogged me down?
  • What kept me going?
  • Did i go out of my way to help anyone?
  • How was my health?
  • Which book touched or uplifted me?
  • Did i lose anyone dear?
  • What new skill(s) did i acquire?
  • How much or what did i donate?
  • What hurt me?
  • Did i have a hobby? new/old
  • Which incident or what made me laugh like nuts?
  • What was the most important thing that happened this year?
  • Have i become a better person?

Thursday, December 09, 2010

The reassurances of the everyday

i stood in my balcony today and saw the landscaping being done by the support staff. It was beautiful! Well, i am recovering fast. With nothing better to do, i found contentment in the humdrum reassurances of the everyday. Visited the doc. He hasn't removed the cast on my leg, but he has given me a walker. I have been advised to take it slow. The hip still pains. Umm, my hips don't lie. i am able to go to the rest room on my own, and also go to the dining table. My bed pan days are over. It's a great thing to be able to poop on your own. man! i can't tell you. Mom used to make fun at times, and tell me not to do it more than once in a day. So, i am gaining back my independence, one step at a time.

Colleagues visit me once in a while and cheer me up and they got me a lot of movies and shows, Sienfeld for one. I also read Mystic River, Shawshank Redemption, Paths of Glory, and Shalimar the Clown. Will write about them later.

Femina declared my letter to be an award-winning one and i will be receiving a cell phone cover from Miss Sixty. Now that my mobile phone got stolen, i am sure the phone cover was what i had most wanted. :-)
Anyho, i also won the caption contest for blood donation in my office. I happened to check my mails from bed and just sent, and lo, i had won. You see, winning is in my err cast, or hip so to say.

"A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic...don't you think" ~ Alanis Morisette

Sunday, December 05, 2010

what the...!

When you struggle to sit up and place the laptop, and then position yourself slowly to check your mail, and the mail that you get, is about how to increase the size of your penis... hmpf!

One friend updated on Facebook that his son is already going to school. I replied, "And I am still pissing in bed". Dad played devotional songs in a loop in my room. Wondered if he was thinking that I am gonna die or something. :-)

Everywhere in the papers, it is all about scams, be it at the national or the regional level. I seriously feel, if all of these tainted politicians are asked to resign, nobody will be left at the helm.

Now we cannot promise the sun and the moon to our loved ones, and write poetry as she is claiming that the sun is her property. :-) The comments on this article were damn funny.

One said, "Someone should claim space itself and charge her rent for the use unless she moves her sun outside of the universe."

and another said, "Cool. Now that she legally owns the sun, I can sue her for damages like sunburn, skin cancer, global warming, and fading the paint on my car."

Watched recently:
Transsiberian (ok)
Green Zone (good)
Nothing but the truth (good)
The Social Network (good)
From Dusk Till Dawn (funny, crazy)
Red (good)
Salt (love Angie so, loved it)
Hart's war (very touching though IMDB rating is not so great)
Brooklyn's finest (serious, good)
Jonah Hex (ok)
The time traveler's wife (ok)
Hell Boy 1 and 2 (good. old movie. just for the sake of passing time) 
Resident Evil:Afterlife (loved all the parts so, couldn't miss this one. I can watch the entire series back to back) 

Wish to watch the latest Harry Potter and Guzarish, but for that, I need to walk to the theatre. hmpf!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

And it happened!

"I hope the Pacific is as blue as I have always seen in my dreams." ~ Shawshank Redemption.

With the ceiling fan as a constant companion from the past 17 days, this ending line from Shawshank Redemption seems to make a lot of sense.

I had registered for the midnight marathon, Bangalore and started practicing. Was planning to take tips from Shubs. I had also given my name to participate in the cultural event of our company's anniversary. It started like any other working day. The colleague with whom we carpool had to fly to Delhi for a conference. So, the remaining two of us decided to go in a bike. i was pillion riding and suddenly, we were thrown out of the bike. i have never got up from the time i hit the ground.
My colleague who was riding, suffered a fracture in her hand and stitches on her head. She had to undergo surgery on her hand, while i fractured my ankle and pelvic bone and I am bedridden. A gentleman called Vishwanathan from Infosys helped me reach the hospital and contacted my husband. He carried me physically from the auto as there was no stretcher in the nursing home that I was first admitted to. God bless him! On the other hand, my mobile phone got stolen from the accident site as my bag was left behind in the confusion. My laptop and purse were safe as another gentleman managed to save it from the people who were taking it away and handed it to my office. I choose to believe in the goodness of strangers and ignore those selfish morons who tried to steal even when two women were lying helpless with blood.

Well, such is life. It comes with a plan of its own. S was to fly to the US in two days time. He had to cancel it. I had the marathon, the salsa dance, the product release and what not. Now, my only plan is to walk again.

Time stopped for me on November 11th. The days just bled into each other with no major change. Only thing that seemed to change was the table calendar. The pain was excruciating as I could not even turn to my left or the right. But then, my old and retired parents flew in. The brother and wife came from Tamil Nadu and the husband took care of me night and day and  I am trying my best for them.

Like a child I have to relearn everything. To sit up, to turn, to lie on my stomach, to walk again.

On a lighter note, S is living his marriage vows and he is doing pretty well and not making me become a weapon of mass destruction by washing and giving me sponge baths. I'd be too embarrassed if I had died as nobody hit us. The front tyre of the Scooty punctured. There is a window in my bedroom, but i cannot sit up and look outside as of now. So, i am keeping tab of the ceiling fan and i say sweetly,"honey, the fan needs cleaning." :-)

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

movies, serials and some such

I boasted about watching movies every other day, and then I could not watch any for over a month. Tsk tsk, not doing it again. However, I finished all seasons of the series, Lost. I am a few years late, but I made up for it in 2 months straight, sometimes watching the whole day and night too :-)

My favourite series is still The Big Bang Theory.

Coming back to the movies, watched this German movie, Das Experiment . Based on the Stanford Prison Experiment, it was gripping. It could be sickening to some people. About 20 people are hired for 2 weeks and kept in a mock prison. Some of them are made to act as prisoners and some of them as prison guards. They are asked not to resort to violence and given the option to opt out any time, by surrendering their payment. A scribe and a pilot enrolls and the movie is about the turn of events.

Also, loved Music of the Heart starring Meryl Streep. Based on a true story, it is about a music teacher, a single mom at that and her struggle to teach the violin to inner city Harlem kids. There were many touching scenes. If it was in Hindi, I am sure it would have flopped. There was a scene where she tries to get a grip of her life. She fires the electrician and all the workers at her new apartment. In the same tone, she fires her boyfriend saying her kids need stability and since he cannot be committed, he is fired from her life. Amazing performance by Meryl Streep. I am sure, to some of you, it would look like I am reviewing Sholay, which everybody has watched on T.V  again ...and again:-) but I am sharing this because it was really heart warming to see this movie. To a parent of a black boy who accused the white people for giving them false hopes, she said she took up the job because she needed it, and she should come and look at her son play the violin in  the class once, to see the enthusiasm on his face. A woman like any of us, vulnerable with insecurities and yet she finds the emotional wherewithal to weave magic in the lives of the kids.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

For all new house owners:things to remember when you do your interiors

I stay in Bangalore and this is based on my experience. It may or may not apply to you. One more thing about interiors is that, you could spend from 1.5 lakhs to what-have-yous? You don't have to go for really high-end ones, but do ponder over the fact that you cannot be buying furnitures or re-doing woodworks every other year. It will cost more in the long run. So, go for a good one while you are at it. Pull out the Mutual funds, beg, borrow, do not steal. :-) Banks offer you loans along with the home loan these days and it is much cheaper than Personal loans. I like minimalism and I went just for the basics to make my house functional.
Area: Super built up: 1615 sq ft. Apartment

Get a good interior designer. If you know a good carpenter, that also works. Benefits of an Interior design company is that you don't have to monitor every detail everyday. They take care of the carpenters themselves, and they share design ideas with you. Having said this, it is your house. Reasearch as much as possible. Be pro-active. Visit the site at least once a week and monitor the work even if you hire an Interior Design company.

Always negotiate the price. The woodworks will be charged per sq ft based on the type that you want.

Kitchen: You can go for modular kitchen or get it done. Research on the ply boards to be used. You don't have to buy them, but at least you won't get cheated. Common Interior designers do not use good brands like Kitply. Ask for hot water resistant ply boards, not just water and termites resistant ones. Trust me, they'll fight back on this, or ask for a lot more mullah. You can go for pre-laminated boards; factory made ones, or laminated ones. I will give you the details if you want. You will be guided by your designer on this. Things that you may have to take care are:

• Check if your kitchen area already has a granite slab. Nowadays, most builders do not give it. If they do, check where are the supporting rods underneath the slab. When you have to cut the granite to fix your hob and chimney, you cannot cut it right where the rods are. I had to make design changes based on this and had to move a shelf on top of the hob for symmetry. Check where the plug point for the hob is. Remember to mark it. Your Interior design guys could miss it. Mine just did. They had to go to another apartment, measure with a scale and get it cut after they had covered the area with ply.

Research for the suction capacity of the chimney. For a normal household with non-veg cooking 750 to 1000 m3/hr is good enough. You can install chimney by 2 ways either using duct mode or by recycling mode. I went for Duct mode. It requires some carpentry work, whereas recycling mode will save you from such modifications but it requires periodic charcoal filter replacement. Ensure the duct doesn’t have many turns and is as straight as possible. 10 ft is the ideal length for the duct. Plan where do you want to keep the gas cylinders. Pipe gases will take some time to reach Bangalore. I used copper wiring and kept the gas cylinders in the utility area. This will avoid any catastrophe in case of a leakage, and I save storage area in the kitchen. Gilma, Faber, Kaff, IFB are popular brands. Go for one with good service. Do not go only for looks, but also for utility (hob and chimney). How easy is it to clean? You will be frying, spilling milk etc.

Tiles: Knock each and every tile and see if there are air bubbles. They tend to break if there are air bubbles.

Wardrobes: Vineer, laminate. Vineer is more expensive than laminate. Options are: Outside Vineer, inside paint, Outside veneer, inside laminate, laminate inside-outside, laminate outside, inside paint etc. You can replace the laminate after some years. Vineering, you have to paint it. It gives the shine and natural polished look, but laminate is good enough too. If you have laminate inside or outside, touch with your palm and feel the laminate for air bubbles. If there are, ask your carpenter to remove it, else it will tear in a few years.

Most important thing is to ensure your carpenters or Interior design guys cover your tiles before the woodwork starts and do not break them. The polish and paints stain and it is a pain to clean. Also, if you are in an apartment, it may be very difficult to get the same type of tiles that the builder has provided if they are broken.
Didn’t know this post would get this long, will add more points later. Or you could add your points too. Hope somebody pays me for this. :-)

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Home, finally!

I wake up to the sounds of birds chirping and not vehicles zipping by
I see the beautiful sunrise from my window
I water my plants and know there will be no dirt accumulating on the leaves when I get back home
but, more than all of these is the feeling that this is home, finally!

S' and mine. Our sweat and blood.

Jaha pe sawera ho, basera wahi hai!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Used Car ad from BMW

Caption reads: You know you are not the first. But do you really care?

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Bhagat Singh

The collegue said, "The page has become Bhagat Singh". She meant to say that the page got hung. Now, please go back to doing what you were doing before i start listing the movies that i have watched in the past 3 weeks. i watch a movie almost everyday.  i have a terabyte of movies. so, there...

I got a comment that it is not right to use his name like this as he was a freedom fighter. Perhaps, he is right. Maturity has never been my forte. I found it funny at that point in time and blogged. This is a case of technology controlling us you see. You hit Publish and pah, it is gone.

Stone, next post will be on movies.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

random things

R and I joined the organization together. We met during induction and we hit it off from there. By the second day of induction, we became fast friends and we have remained so. I remember his shock and surprise when  my hand went up to the HR's call of people with above 5 yrs of experience. I told him, it is my 6th company whereas it was his 2nd. He dropped me to the auto-stand, all the while trying to get my age with questions about the year i passed out 10th, what is my total years of experience, and if i started working right after finishing studies etc? i told him i know what he trying to do, but played a woman to the hilt and did not tell my age.

Now, he knows my age. We catch up once in a while post-lunch and walk together. He told me he is quitting. R, i am going to miss you and that is why, this post is for you. We say we will keep in touch, but i know it is never the same. One of my ex-colleague and i work in the same IT park together. We were so excited to be working in the same campus (different companies) that we met up or lunch the first month i joined. After that, we have never met up. And it's been one and a half years now. Most of my team mates have also left. For a change, i am sitting back and watching. All this while, i've always been the one who left before the others did. :-)

From the office bus, i saw a beggar at a traffic signal carrying an infant and an empty bottle of milk. Something tells me the infant is not her child. Any mother, no matter how poor wouldn't display the empty feeding bottle to beg. She would feed the baby with her own milk. She would do something. i don't know. i am disturbed by that sight.

There was one scene in the movie, Paa. It was just about a minute or so. Vidya Balan as a doctor advises a couple in their 30s not to delay in having kids. Somehow it hit me hard. Looked like she was advising me and S. i am not confident that we are leaving a better world for the kids. hmph!

Sis is coming next month with my 7 month old nephew and 3 yr old niece. Let's see if they inspire.

Monday, August 09, 2010


She (S) was in my neighbourhood. 25, a house-wife, and happily married with 2 kids. People found her beautiful. I found her exceptionally good looking because she had my teacher's hair style. Those days, whatever the teacher did was fashion to me, even when she put a flower on coconut-oiled-and-pleated hair. Her husband was into the timber business. Suddenly, he was diagnosed with cancer and passed away within a few months shattering her perfect world before her eyes. My story starts here...

I have not seen her in all these years and only remember that she was beautiful, though I clearly remember the blue Maruti 800 that was shattered into pieces by the men of the locality.

She fell in love again after her husband passed away. The guy was the tuition master of her boys. He came home to teach them. The men in the locality came to know, and suddenly decided that parayas cannot eye their sister. I guess this guy wanted to impress her and got the brand new Maruti 800 (it was in the 80s. Dad still had a scooter then. So, this guy must be rich and may have wanted to show her that she would be happy with him). The second time, he got it and parked on the road, it was broken.

S eloped with him to another state with her younger boy. Somehow, she couldn't take the elder boy with her. Her mom continues to tell the world that she doesn't know where her daughter is. We hear murmers that she came down to try and take the elder boy, but he judged his mom wrong, and continued living with his uncle. We heard she is happily married now. The man left his parents and the state for love, to create a safer and happier world for her. I salute him!

My point:  At 25, I was still not married. I shudder to think what it must have been like for S, who was a house-wife with no financial security, and to be widowed with 2 kids at that age. What it must have been for a mother to choose between a second chance at life with a loving man, and her child? What it must been for S' mother, and why does society still bother so much about someone else's life?

Looking at this, I am so happy that my were-married-once friends have the freedom and also the anonimity in the city to live their own lives. One of them told me how she hates visiting her hometown because people still eye her differently, and remind her about her failed marriage to an abusive swine.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Mirror in the sky

"Oh, mirror in the sky...
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life" ~ Landslide, Dixie Chicks

Silent Eloquence completed 6 years of blogging. She was so happy that she got drunk and died. :-)

I went through a phase where I did not want to read blogs, did not want to write. One lesson is not to try blogging once in a month, but try to do it once a week atleast, so that even if you slip, you don't slip months together. A social networking site was partly the culprit and it behaved liked a Mister. What is a Mister? Well, if a married man can have a Mistress, can a married woman have a Mister? So, Silent Eloquence found a Mister in Facebook. An update here, an update there, a comment here, a comment there, boredom, boredom, and lo! I am back.

There are a lot of stories to be told, a lot of experiences to be shared. I am dwelling a lot into personal relationships these days. I am observing, searching and reading a lot about soul mates. Starting to believe it exits and happens for some people, if not for myself. Corporate life, the stressful deadlines, a lot of ambitious single women in their mid and late 30s, single mothers, married couples in late thirties still not sure about having kids, divorcees, married and looking, and a lot of lonely lives... I have met and worked with all of these and some more in this short career span. No, I am not saying these lives are ugly or distasteful. I am saying as is. Some of them are living, 'i am better off like this' happy lives. Once upon a time, it was a simple statistics, an article in a newspaper. Now, I am rubbing shoulders with these people. It is about the people I care about and share lunch with. It is about me and you. There are a lot of stories left in me to share, a lot of stories to be told and therefore, Silent Eloquence continues.

In the domestic front, woodworks are going on in our new flat. Loving every moment of it. Weekends are fully tied up due to this.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

6 yrs of blogging- the same old me, the same old shoes, just longer hair.

13th May, 2004 was when I posted my first entry.  It has been an amazing journey, where I met a lot of blogger buddies and shared. I must mention one blogger, who really inspired me. She is Poonam. I read all her posts in a week's time and started blogging. I was heartbroken when she deleted all her posts one day and moved blogs and URLs, and stopped blogging. Sometimes, I do get mails from people who've said that they read my blog and started blogging. If the feeling was half of what I felt when I read Poonam's blog (though I don't know how you measure it:-) ), I am really glad that I could inspire.
It's been an amazing 6 yrs for me of self discovery. I've come across bloggers, who say that the template is like clothes and should be changed as often as possible. It hasn't happened in mine. For me, I can say something like this: "I walk these paths, I learn these lessons, I crossed those miles, the same old me, the same old shoes, just longer hair. I still search for you and I still search for myself."

I continue to learn, to seek, and search. In the 6 years, I have realised I can be detached from blogging yet love it.

Congratulations to a dear blogger cynic, who has become a mother. The kiddo might just call her Didi, but the news touched me as I have been reading her for 6 years now, in her different avataars.

And all these years, I have never written this,  I am madly in love.  :-)

Monday, May 03, 2010


"Animals don't have a choice.
If they're not happy with their place in the world... too bad.
They have to live the life they've been given.

Humans, on the other hand, don't have to.
We have a choice.
If you don't like your place in the world
you can get off anytime you want.

Suicide. That's right.

You don't like the way your life's going,
you don't like the way you are in the world,
anything around you,
you can check out anytime you like.

Animals aren't allowed that thought
and believe me, if they were, they would use it.

There'd be a lot of dogs and cats, owned by assholes
that live in high-rises, diving out the windows.

Zebras... if they even had remotely that thought

would take a look at themselves and go, "What the F*#K!

Black & white in a green & brown world... this blows.

I'm just gonna jump in the river.... I don't have a thumb to work a gun or hold a knife or even open a jar of pills. I'm just gonna dive into the next lion's mouth. Why even bother?"

Now, monkeys have the opposable thumb so they could kinda do it the exact same way we do. Now, there's a bunch of people that say, "Oh, it's against the law". Well, it's only against the law if you do a crappy job and get caught. Other people say, "Oh, we should save them". Yeah, well you know what? Not everybody wants to be saved. Not everybody should be saved. And who are we to force our will upon them? I mean, isn't that one of the joys about being a human? Freedom of choice? Now, it's not all bad.

Now, I'm not saying "Kill yourself". But if you're gonna be an idiot and do it anyway, it's no sweat off of my back. There's a lot of good that could come from it. A little bit of bad thrown in. Some of the things: A job will open... An apartment will become available... There'll be more air for me... They say there's two girls for every guy - if you're a man, there'll be four chicks for me... There'll be more Ketel One vodka for me... There'll be one less idiot in line at the bank who gets up to the window without their F*#King slips filled out... I won't ever have to go to the store to buy my favorite Salt & Vinegar Chips and have the clerk point at you and say, "They bought the last bag".... You won't help change the McDonald's sign to a Hundred Billion Served... You'll never get AIDS... You won't have to worry about calories ever... No more, "Hey, does this make me look fat?"... There'll be one less polluting human...You won't have to recycle... There'll be one less car on the road... There'll be more Ring Dings for me... Fifty or so chickens' lives will be spared... Your fingers won't ever get red from eating pistachios... You won't be forced to visit your Grandparents on Sundays anymore... No more church... You'll be saying, "Hey, World - Kiss My Ass!"... No more wet dreams about Supermodels... No more Barry Manilow... For a few years anyway... Wondering "Am I a loser?" will be a thing of the past... Say good-bye to crappy Xmas presents from Aunts and Uncles... You won't have to suffer through a Motley Crue reunion... F*#K flossing and brushing... You'll never lose sleep over a pregnancy scare... Adios, Acne... Worrying whether you fit in or not won't be on your brain... See ya later, homework... You'll never have to sit through another movie brought to you by the creators of South Park... Schools out forever.... No more paying bills... You won't have to do chores... You won't be able to run over toads with the lawnmower though... You'll also miss McDonald's French Fries... Bugs Bunny... The amazing electrifying feeling that surges through your body when you kiss someone for the first time...

You won't be able to watch the letterbox director's cut of Jaws... Candy... Living above ground... Pudding crust... You'll miss the rush of getting your first apartment... Getting to the point in your life where you can tell your parents to "F*#K Off! I gotta make my own did"... You'll miss sex - you'll miss thinking about it, looking for it, sex by yourself, sex with a partner, sex with multiple partners.. No more summer nights that seem to go on forever... Roller coasters.... Naming your kid the name you always wanted... Making a difference in the world... You'll miss the experience and pleasure of Hallucinogenics... Watching your neighbor's wife change clothes with her blinds open...A lifetime of masturbating... Watching your favorite team sweep the series... Music... You will definitely miss music... Trying to sneak into your house drunk - three hours past your curfew... You'll miss the blaze and glory of the 4th of July fireworks... The taste of Captain Crunch... If you're a boy, you'll miss the feeling the first time you reach up a girl's shirt... If you're a girl, the feeling the first time you reach down a boy's pants... You'll miss your favorite coat... Waffles with whipped cream and strawberries... Beating your friends at video games... You won't be around to see what shape and color the new marshmallow in Lucky Charms will be... You'll miss the feeling you get when reminiscing about your first love - thirty years after the fact... The joy of giving and receiving at Christmas... Skinny dipping... Getting stoned, reading Green Eggs & Ham, and eating like a horse that got loose in the grain bin... Flying cars... Hey, you were born - Finish what was started."

Bobby Gaylor.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

lullaby-Tha tha thabungton

The following is a song in Manipuri that I like. It is a song sung as a lullaby in a movie,”Matamgi Manipur” by singer, A Kamala Devi. Written by, KH. Phulendra, the lines are profound and very sweet. I have tried to translate it, so that you can get the essence of it. It is much better in the original as the words rhyme unlike my poor attempt at translation, and blends well with the soothing music.

Moon, Moon, the gentle moon;

Shines quietly over the clouds,

The stars are aligned and looks on dreamily,

The silver clouds float sleepily,
The swaying winds have rested the trees.

In the night’s cradle, the living have rested.

Pull a clouds’ horse and a wagon of stars,

Listen to mother’s lullaby and sleep o little one.

Beyond the velvet clouds,

Embark on your dream world. "

Sunday, April 11, 2010

thinking pictures

You immortalize some relationships by talking and writing about them, while there are some, which you carry only in your heart.

Friday, April 02, 2010

Ad Finem-Poetry

On the white throat of useless passion
That scorched my soul with its burning breath
I clutched my hands in murderous fashion,
And held them close in a grip of death;
For why should I fan, or feed with fuel,
A love that showed me but blank despair ?
So my hold was firm, and my grasp was cruel—
I meant to strangle it then and there!

I thought it was dead. But with no warning,
It rose from its grave last night, and came
And stood by my bed til the early morning
And over and over it spoke your name.
Its throat was red where my hands had held it;
It burned my brow with its scorching breath;
And I knew the moment my eyes beheld it,
"A love like this can know no death."

For just one kiss that your lips have given
In the lost and beautiful past to me,
I would gladly barter my hopes of Heaven
And all the bliss of Eternity.
For never a joy are the angels keeping,
To lay at my feet in Paradise,
Like that into your strong arms creeping,
And looking into your love-lit eyes.

I know, in the way that sins are reckoned,
This thought is a sin of the deepest dye ;
But I know too if an angel beckoned,
Standing close by the Throne on High,
And you, adown by the gates infernal,
Should open your loving arms and smile,
I would turn my back on things supernal,
To lay on your breast a little while.

To know for an hour you where mine completely——-
Mine in body and soul, my own——
I would bear unending tortures sweetly,
With not a murmur and not a moan.
A lighter sin or lesser error
Might change through hope or fear divine;
But there is no fear, and hell has no terror,
To change or alter a love like mine. ~ Ella Wheeler Wilcox (1850 -1919)

Thursday, March 25, 2010

pimping the blog

No updates doesn't mean I don't care about this blog. I have been pimping it. Have shared the URL with 2 of my colleagues, who have become friends. See, I rate them colleagues too. 9-6 buddies, colleagues whom I still don’t mind catching up on some social networking site (after spending like 9 hours with them in the office), and colleagues whom I SMS etc. Colleagues whom I call up after work, or on weekends are the really close ones. I am burning calories exercising my thumb to be in touch with them you see. I hate SMSing though. So, when someone reaches the right friendly-colleago-meter , and gets close, I start gently, “Do you read blogs? Do you blog?” Whether it is a yes or no, I give my URL and there, the pimping starts. Then, I’ll follow up with them patiently, until they are forced to read. Hoo haa haa (evil grin). I say, there is an exhibitionist in every blogger.

Talking about SMSing, I must take this post as a way to thank a certain ex. I am sure I never did thank him when we were supposedly involved, ego and all that. (I got a single digit hike that I feel like being so nice in my blog) Ex, thanks for the calls that you made to me, when all I did was give a missed call. If I regret anything, it is the fact that I did not ask for my commission from your service provider, for giving them business just by a missed call.

So, guys don’t just think of dumping that girl friend of yours who gives you missed calls and doesn’t really call. They turn out to be good wives you see. Ask S, my lawfully wedded husband, at how happy he is.

While pimping the blog, I came across this post of mine. I am glad I could feel in those days, and that I was proudly foolish.

After reading it, I made a sad attempt to write the following:

And we follow each other with our eyes, not saying a word.
And we sit across talking different things, yet making love with our eyes
And we sit and wonder if the universe will align for us at least once
And everything vanishes like shrieks and whispers all at once
And loneliness blinds us in between the wrong and the right
And I sleep with eyes wide open, with trepidation
to think,
to rationalise,
to let go of you.
"And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on....
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender" ~ Dido.

Wednesday, March 03, 2010


S, my husband, the one I conned and married two years ago, on this day by dressing up like a doll, going around him seven times and showering flowers on him, and bowing with my hands folded. S, my lawfully wedded husband… well, he just got smarter. Initially, he thought life is going to be like the wedding day always, like a king and the wife bowing and showering flowers.

Well, my friends, time changed and so did the smses, from I love yous to “I bought tomatoes and potatoes, you get the rest on the way home” He realized that the wife just doesn’t smile but also talk, and talk nineteen to the dozen, even while asleep.

In the morning, while he expected coffee in bed, the wife has jumped out of bed with a hair that would put any religious leader to shame, and jumped into the office bus, to start her so called very important day in her very important career.

So, when Uncle Sam came calling on the pretext of some consultation, S, my lawfully wedded husband ran away for three months, leaving me in Bangalore, to paint the new house in pink and blue polka dots if I care.

Happy Anniversary hubby, missing you dearly. There are bills to be paid and the fans need cleaning.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

like strawberry wine

I still remember when thirty was old
My biggest fear was September when he had to go
A few cards and letters and one long distance call
we drifted away like the leaves in the fall
But year after year I come back to this place
Just to remember the taste

Of strawberry wine and seventeen
The hot July moon saw everything
My first taste of love oh bittersweet
Green on the vine
like strawberry wine

Chanced upon a bundle of cards stacked in a corner i knew i’d never look.
Peeped through one to find a birthday card from 7 yrs past.
it started singing. The battery was still fine. The song was mine.
Ah! there was a time when love was innocent.
Wanted to keep it on the pretext of sharing with grandchild (ren) someday,
but i had to live with the partner first to see it all happen.
Tore the cards and gave the battery to the neighbour.
The music, my first love, all became a child’s plaything.

The fields have grown over now
Years since they've seen a plow
There's nothing time hasn't touched
Is it really him or the loss of my innocence
I've been missing so much
Funny how those memories they last

~Song: Diane Carter, Strawberry Wine

Sunday, February 07, 2010

Gas bags all

Anne Hathaway claims that she digs into Physics books whenever she has time. She is interested in String Theory and Quarks etc. I have a feeling the lady is a gas bag who is claiming this just by following the T.V serial,'The Big Bang Theory'. ha ha ha. I love the serial too and I love Sheldon Cooper and his gang.

Coming to the SRK Vs Shiv Sena issue, bollywood is busy saying it was not me. Kajol said, "I don't have any account on twitter". Karan Johar said, "it is not Kajol". Abhishek joins in by saying,"Kajol doesn't have a twitter account" and the debate has moved from whether you support SRK or not to whether Kajol tweets or not. bah bollywood!

Since nobody is saying anything, I decided I must say something. I am going to Goa on the 11th. yes, finally!

6 of us from the office are going. So, if you think you are a twenty something PYT and you have beautiful legs, stay out of my way!!!

Friday, January 29, 2010

Falling in love

I love good beginnings, the prelude to good things in store, like for*play.

I love the falling in love bit more than being in love. Being in love needs labor and conviction. Falling in love doesn’t require anything, not even brains. Yet it keeps you on your toes and makes you behave like a blind rhino, lost but positive to find a way out.

Friday, January 22, 2010



Well, there is no apparent reason why i am doing that. Today is my swearing and cussing day. So, men!!!
Read A thousand splendid suns and then went on to watch another movie on Afghanistan, 'the escape', which is about a journalist abducted by the Talibans and who was then helped to escape by a terrorist.

Enjoyed the book much more than the movie. I am a few years late in reading the book, but I did not read it all this while, because it was damn expensive. I don't like the fact that the second book of an author just becomes too expensive because the first book was a success. That way, I liked Chetan's latest cos Two States was just 95 rs. men!

Watched Sherlock Holmes. Jude Law is well, Jude Law. I know him as Sienna Miller's ex. men!

Been watching movies frequently on the big screen. It's my way of gearing up for the EMIs that will start next month on the home loan. Keeping this in mind, I shopped and splurged on my birthday on jackets, shirt, skirt, stockings, and shoes. I have never worn knee-length formal skirts to work.

Now, when it becomes easier to count your age in decades, you realise your legs are not getting any longer or better, and surprisingly, you even start to like them. (basically, you realise you don't have a choice on many other things, what are them legs!)

So, i thought if i have to wear it, let me just frikkin wear it, and did it.

Lastly, men!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

though late, this was just amazing

"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself."

— Neil Gaiman

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Bollywoodization or AamirKhan-ization?

It was 31st December. I took the steps of my office to reach the 2nd floor. Suddenly, an idea struck. This is not a day to work but for having fun. Pulled a friend and booked tickets for “Three idiots”. Some more colleagues had booked for Avatar a-must-not-miss-at-any-cost movie that I had watched in the first week, and boasted of. We went riding pillion on the bikes of colleagues who had booked Avatar. We lunched together, a big gang at Mc D and parted ways as our shows were different. The two of us had ice-creams; window shopped, enjoyed the movie, walked in the rain and drifted down the streets. Then I headed to join the hubby and some friends to another party, a hundred different songs in my heart, but all blending with the clamor of the crowds to make one grand, joyous harmony. What a way it was to welcome the New Year!

Coming back to the movie, at one go, you can spot the uncanny resemblance to ‘5 Point Someone’. All the characters are around it. I don’t know what the contract or agreement says. Chetan said, it is the bollywoodisation of his novel. That way, I feel all his novels are bollywoodised and that is why they are selling. Sometimes, I feel he is becoming Shobhaa De. The only difference is that for Shobhaa De, at times you hate her after reading her books, and for Chetan, after reading his books, you feel you can also write one but just don’t know how? Therefore, he is selling. There was one glaring mistake in his latest book, “Two States”. I am no IITian but Gold is not Argentum (Ag) as he has written in that dramatic situation after mentioning IIT and IIM for about a hundred times. Yes, I am exaggerating. It is Aurum. How could someone forget that? There was a father-son scene that I really liked in that book.

Coming back to the movie yet again, I liked the changes and the additions to the script, call it AamirKhan-ization or Hirani-ization if you must and I didn’t care where the credits rolled, but I had fun. I still hate Karina Kapoor for no rhyme or reason, other than Jab-we-met. She was supposed to be a medical student in the movie, but she confidently led a team of docs, one of whom said she has been in the service for many years, and helped her sis deliver through the internet. So, the movie was about geniuses. Aamir was a genius and so was she. My opinion about Karina remains the same.

I remember Ju sharing her experience when she was a med student and had to help deliver a baby for the first time. When she cut, the water bag (or something like it) bursted on her mouth.

3rd was the birthday and most friends didn’t bother to call up but wish online. I hate social networking sites. I am always online in them.