Wednesday, June 30, 2004


I got my gmail account 2 weeks back. Everybody seem to be happy about their accounts. I am not left behind. Thanks to Ranjan Yumnam for inviting me. After doing a lot of nautankis with my account, I have used just 0%. That's cool. I thought he was an oldie but he turned out to be very young. His writing does make you feel that way.

Nothing more, I am done for the day. Went for a project demo. One funny thing is the 'exit' button was not working after everything was over. Instead of feeling bad, I looked at my colleague in front of the clients and started laughing. They also joined in.

It's raining outside and I am enjoying the view. Might get drenched while going back but, today I am game for it.

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

foot loose

Studio 5678 in association with figurine fitness presents ” Footloose”

Happened on Saturday evening. As expected I was there. ‘J’ and me went clad in blue jeans and red tops. To each, the dress scored high on the cool-quotient and was adamnat to change to anything else inspite of the uniformity. Managed to make her change her jeans atleast to some other colour. We decided if ‘A’ also comes in red we will sing a Christmas carol and come back. ‘Jo’ couldn’t make it as expected. [Software Engineer. Never marry one :-( ]

It was an eventful evening. It started with a musical rendition by a local band called "BFB” Bi Focal Brothers”. Their compositions were fusions of western and carnatic classical music. None of them had long hair. It was interrupted by a call from 'N' and it was a breath of fresh air in the true sense of the word. Walked out of the auditorium and slipped into the cool night. Walked up and down the compound of "Gurunanak Bhavan" as though I was the sole inhabitant at that part of the world giggling on the phone.

4th standard students of Vidyaniketan performed on the choregraphies of "summer of 69" and "move your body". Smart kids! The future is in safe hands, rather in safe feets. I should say, the future is in the legs of the kids. It is the only school in Bangalore that has ‘dance’ as a subject according to the words of the fakely accented MC. Reminisced my school days. We had performed on Debbie Gibson's number, "Play the field". Then the evening unravelled a lot of heart stopping, foot tapping dance sequences from ‘studio 5678’ and ‘team 5678’.
‘Team 5678’ happen to be a group of professional dancers who has performed more than 800 stage shows across the country and the only dance troupe to have been featured in an international album. Their first number “seekhle” started by showing the silhouette of a female behind a screen swinging and swaying. The crowd was frenzy after that. My eyes followed her wherever she danced on the stage. They did not dance just for the heck of dance’s sake. With startling propensity they kick-started the motion and were in sync throughout. I had witnessed them some time back at “Golden Palm Resorts” at some event of Bajaj. ‘Studio 5678’ belted out salsa, merengue and cha cha cha. The students from all the different centres across Bangalore came together to perform them. Some of them were from our centre too and all of them our seniors.
It was nice to see our instructors Arun and Niranjan on stage. The other day I danced with ‘A’ and ‘J’ danced with ‘N’ and that made our day. It was like dancing on stage, everybody watching us while their perfect steps lead us. Two of the female dancers looked so nervous in life. They looked as though they would faint any moment. They should see me and ‘J’ perform on stage together. We interact with the audience through our steps, smiles and body language. I am saying this cos I can :-) Next time if our batch is given a chance I will join. All I need is some liposuction here and there, a wig, a little bit of cosmetic surgery, a pair of contact lenses, a pair of this and that, a new set of teeth, high heeled dancing shoes and audience who know to appreciate art. (My art)

Rushed to the kitchen to cook egg curry in my style before 'J' could add her coconut water and change it to South Indian. I didn’t mean to post this part but, I enjoyed the rush. My cool top with the slits in the arms, knot here, knot there and knot God knows where, came hanging in between. Had to pin up the hanging thing supposed to be the arms :- )

Friday, June 25, 2004

Ping Pong

Well, it's Friday again. I am trying to pep-up myself. Wrote a sad post. Felt sad reading it. So, I am not posting it atleast at this time of the earth's cycle.

Well, to start with, I was just pondering that behind every Sita dwells a Rita. In short, there lies a bitch behind every woman. It depends on person to person and it is time, situation and company bound. Sometimes it is hidden behind the facade of polished mannerisms but it's there.
Some things cannot be changed like how women are good at keeping secrets. We just keep it together. I am saying this because I am in a mood to do exactly what I have been discussing. Yes, all bloggers do not always speak the truth. Otherwise, all we have to do is ask our M.Ps to blog in parliament. This I am saying to save my face after I finish the post.
So, here I go... One of the guys dropped 'J' on the dance floor the other day while dancing 'Lambada' to everybody's laughter, mine included. Poor thing! She was winching in pain later.
At her place I kneeled before her and said this prayer," Our father, who art in heaven. Crush his noble balls in thy holy hands! Amen." There she laughed, again in pain. Added her point, 'if he has one'. Very true, if he has one.
I cannot help sympathising with the guy too. His face sure looked raped embarking himself on the doors of embarrassment as she is one among the lightest girls. Actually if the position is taken correctly that is if the guy keeps his leg in between the girl's (still standing ehem!), lock her arms behind with his elbow, the lady in Shallow Hal(not Gwyneth Paltrow :-) or for that matter our very own Tun Tun could be bended and brought up with ease.
Now, I wonder why people who cannot even move their ass come to learn dance? Some of the guys do not even know to dance at chance. Are they 'Sati-Satyavan', the male counterpart of 'Sati-Savitri' that they cannot afford to stand close to a 'Parayee Aurat'? As if we are asking them to marry us!
Some Software Engineers do not realise that they are born and bred only to be Software Engineers. Mr. Fix-it, you design, code, test, bug, debug but please don' t ping pong in the name of Latino. Hey, that's my breast you are talking to. If I catch the eyes and smile, there you miss your steps. Nincompoop!

Adding salt to their injury (or was it mine?) was this female who came in a spaghetti top, voluptuous to the extent of looking fake, moving the moves and targetting her preys. Not my batch though. Every guy her batch worth his pants waited his turn. Poor souls! At the most they can hold her hands and waist. Water water every where but not a drop to drink!

Now, I get the forwarded images of Miss Rai and I delete them mercilessly. She was just another face but ever since I became single, she seems to be growing prettier by the day. Bitch! God was in a hurry while creating me I guess. Lo! Pamela smiles. What is the hullabaloo over a pair of silicons? Whaaa? TOI said she removed? So, you too believe in authenticity? No, lady my point is what's yours is yours and what's mine is mine. I just wish they were my brains to help me take wiser decisions in life.

What a relief! Now, let me go back to the etiquette of public speaking. Hello hello mike testing. Ladies and gentlemen, it's not working. What the f@$*!

Tuesday, June 22, 2004


What do you do when you find your gold chain and three finger rings gone missing? It was inside the cupboard. Somebody flicked it. I have cleaned my room the hundredth time just hoping they might just appear from somewhere even when I know it was inside. I am vacating the place. I cannot stay 24/7 being worried about my belongings. I locked it and kept my keys in a place where I felt was safe. Am I supposed to hang it in my waist now? Mama, what am I going to tell you? My dowry is gone. boo hoo!
I have completed three years in the hostel. We are not supposed to stay beyond 3 yrs and I was happy that I am becoming an 'antique piece'. Warden too bended her rule as I was one of the few goody gals belonging to the 'very far away from home' species. Oflate people have been losing money. eh! lingeries too. yuks!!!!!! Who could be the culprit? All of them look like angels. My mistake! people just enter and exit my room at will even for a goddamn broom without respecting my privacy. Now, I am paying the price. All of you are supposed to be working womens. Bitch! what are you going to teach your kids someday? Steal baby steal? And how am I going to manage a home when I cannot even take care of my own belongings? Why am I talking like mom now?

Saturday, June 19, 2004

"The Inscrutable Americans"

Glued to "The Inscrutable Americans". Anurag Mathur is boisterous. Here, I quote some lines from the book.

“Most surprising thing about America is it is full of Americans. Everywhere Americans, Americans, big and white, it is a little frightening.”

“He is asking me about nuts and I am saying that I am liking very much and eating many on plane. 'Totally, totally nuts,' he is saying, which is I feel American expression for someone fond of cashewnuts.”

“In the distance the towers of the World Trade Center rose in effortless insolence, heedless of the smaller buildings clumped like barnacles around its base”

“What about Ronald Reagan, does he get a bathroom, or in the morning does he go out to the lawns followed by security guards?’”

Thursday, June 17, 2004

Non-Directional Friday

Personally I am in a chaotic jumble of emotional conflicts, disorienting, distracting, happy and sad at the same time. Yes, I am scared. Scared to think.

In the office, it is one of those non-directional Fridays. Mrs. ‘M’ my esteemed client is coming again. It was just yesterday that we exchanged one of those genuinely transparent unpleasant smile that reaches the ears. She is the Sales Manager of her company and I guess I am the co-ordinator, kick-bag and liar of mine. All we did to this project was not give a second look thinking that they are quite and they must be happy. They were quite, as the submarine and so I invent, invent excuses. Pressed for time, now both the parties just want the project to be done with and vanish from each other’s sight. I am sure I’ll act blind if I meet her anywhere else. The final hitch always prolongs and we are left stepping each other’s toes.

Wednesday, June 16, 2004


I asked 'P' to come and see something in the TOI which was in my hands the other day. 'I know it has printed something about me. Such a star that I am', said she. I just turned and showed the 'Bizarre?' column to her. The caption read, 'Clothes stolen during park sex' ... lol
Moral:Think before you speak
think before you act also :-)

if you love someone

the whole world talks about love, I am not left out:-)
If you love someone,
Set her free...
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, she never was....


If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, as expected, she never was

If you love someone,
Set her free ...
Don't worry, she will come back.

If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, ask her why.

If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back within some time
forget her.

If you love someone,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back, continue to wait
until she comes back ...

If you love someone,
Set her free ...
* If she comes back,
and if you love her still,
set her free again, repeat *

Animal-Rights Activist:
If you love someone,
Set her free,
In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!!

Bill Gates :
If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she comes back,
I think we can charge her for re-installation fees
but tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.

Biologist :
If you love someone,
Set her free,
She'll evolve.

Statisticians : (Apte)
If you love someone,
Set her free,
If she loves you,
the probability of her coming back is high
If she doesn't, your relation was improbable anyway.

Schwarzenegger's fans:
If you love someone,
Set her free,

Over possessive person:
If you love someone
don't set her free.

HR specialist:
If you love someone
set her free by
Offering her VRS and other benefits
Then outsource her.

If you love someone
set her free instantaneously
and look for others simultaneously

If you love someone set her free
If she comes back her super ego is dominant
If she doesn't come back her id is supreme
If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.

If you love someone set her free
If she comes back it's a nightmare
If she doesn't, you must be dreaming.

ERP functional expert:
If you love someone set her free
If she comes back, map her into your system
If she doesn't, carry out a gap-fit analysis

Finance expert:
If you love someone set her free
If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans
If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.

Marketing Specialist:
If you love someone set her free
If she comes back she has brand loyalty
If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new market

Tuesday, June 15, 2004


sometimes it's tough to bid 'adieu'
sometimes it's tough to start 'anew'
sometimes it's tough to say 'I care'
sometimes it's tough to say 'I'll wait'
bon Voyage to life, bon voyage to love


It was one of those days when the sky opened fire and the Rain Gods heaved and poured mercilessly.’R’ offered to drop me back. The car glided slowly atuned to the rhythm of the wiper. Then came the music, Jagjit Singh in his bouyant self from the album ‘Mirage’. Perhaps, it was the ambience, the voice and the lyrics in perfect symphony that stirred emotions in me which lied dormant.

Koyi chaudvi ka chand bankar
Tumhare tasavvur me aaya to hoga
Kisise to ki hogi tumne muhobbat
Kisiko gale se lagaya to hoga

Tumhaare khayalongki angrayiyon mein
Meri yaad ki phool mehki to hongi
Kabhie apne ankho ki kajal se tumne
Mera naam likhkar mittaya to hoga

Labong se muhobbat ka jadu jagake
Bhari waqt me sabse nazre bachake
Nigahong ki raho ko dil me samake
Kisine tumhe bhi churaya to hoga

Nigahon mein shamme tamannah jalake
Taki hongi tumne bhi raahe kisiki
Kisine to waada kiya hoga tumse
Kisine tumhe bhi rulaya to hoga

Seldom have an ear for ghazals but this one challenged my opinion. Took me to oblivion? I guess not. I rather dwelt in the lyrics.
I search for love in all the wrong places.
I search for love in all the faces.

Monday, June 14, 2004

hop, skip and jump

Changed my glasses. Feel like Cleopetra........’s mom :-) Went for an unconventional colour. Half rimmed. Rimless won’t last a week in these tender hands of mine. Got a new haircut too at one of the best saloons around. Wondered if I had to sell my hair to have this hair cut. Asked her to freak out and I am satisfied with the end-result. Called up ‘Ju’ in Delhi and spoke about it. She spoke about her’s too. We girls! Would guys talk,’buddy, I had a hair cut , I shaved’ ?
Changing my perfume. Need a boyfriend. For how long can you be single after all? Time I change my job too. Lazy ass of mine, knows to carry me only to my workplace. Haven’t updated my C.V, Don’t know if I have one. Busy buying flowers and decorating my workstation, playing home. Homing myself, I blog at work and await being thrown out. I am rooting or rotting here. Something is happening that’s for sure. But, deeper the roots, loftier the ambition. So, I keep dreaming. Set my spirits free, watch the sea of foam and sigh upon the margins of the world. Where am I? At my desk. I look around, I see dead faces.

Thursday, June 10, 2004

Ephemeral bliss

The sky has cleared after the heavy rain and the cool pale evening fades quitely into the night. I sip up my calm and take a stand. Contumacious heart of mine, its time we move on. I know this pang of emotion seem to stretch out a vast hand at times but, its ok. Let this not debilitate the fabric of life. You say, you quit or conquer, haven't you conquered already? The path was untrodden. You have left a trail too. Now what more? If you don't stand for yourself who will stand for you?
You played fair; three cheers to you! We have learnt, gained, matured, thought, reflected and now lets act. Join me in the project called 'self reconstruction'. Clinging to an ephemeral bliss is what you and I are doing and this is the greatest mirage of all. Let us stop playing truant to real happiness. It's knocking at the door, we just have to reach out.

Baby, no more eyes wide shut. Lets look for more trust, less try, more laugh, less cry and do away with the undeserving.
Goodnight and sleep tight!

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

living history

Went to the library. Hillary Clinton peeped out from her 'living history'. Gosh! am I starting a review by looking at the cover? I did not get the book but a train of thought oozed on my mind. She looked really poised and dignified in the cover with and unputdownable personality of her own. Oh boy! but, I didn't want to be in her shoes. I know somewhere in her book she has reffered that she loved Bill Clinton and wanted the marriage to work badly. Hats off to her spirit. But rather than being such a personality and yet catch my husband pants down, I would prefer to be the naive wife whose husband just can't afford to betray. Someone who just cannot make do without me. But who wouldn't want such a husband? Even Hillary must have wished the same.

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

tanha dil, just nostalgic

for people like me far from home and dear ones
Ankho me sapne liye
Ghar se hum chalto diye
Jaane ye raahe ab lejayegi kaha
Mitti ki khusbu aaye
Palko me aasu laaye
Palko pe rehjayega yaadon ka jaha
Manzil nayee hai anjana hai karwa
Jaana akele hai yaaha
Tanha dil, tanha safar
Dhunde tujhe phir kyung nazar?

Monday, June 07, 2004

Can you?

Can you hear this silent eloquence?
Can you give me a novel beginning?
Can you heal this heart which is hurt but which remains unbowed?
Can you take the love I have inside?
Can you accept me for what I am and also for what I am not?
Can you hold my hand?
Can you …?
Can you listen to what I am not saying?

Friday, June 04, 2004

mirror, mirror

Me: Mirror, mirror, How do I look today?
She: Got a date?
Me: Just tell na?
She: Not very good, ok ok
Me: Mirror, mirror, keep your opinion to yourself.

Thursday, June 03, 2004

romancing life and it's miscellaneous colours

It was a just another project for me a few months back. Squirmed, I did at the incomprehensible medical terminologies. An utter nonsense but, for the bread, butter, body lotions and whatever else it provided me. It was rewinded, unwinded and finally winded in time, packed, parcelled and forgotten. Tryst with fate made me have an encounter with it again. Well, orkutting myself to the commmunity ’Special needs children’, I chanced upon, a deliberate chance this time around, parents with ‘special needs children’. Some of them had Hydrocephalus (water retention in the head), my done project, the terms which I then treated just as a proper noun for better flow of the text. I am the only single in the community, single in every sense of the word cos when I intoduced myself I got many replies like, ’I am single too with a kid’.
My heart melts for these children and parents. Seeing their interminable courage makes my skirmish strife in life which was ever so dominating change to diminutive. I share here a story of a member with her child as featured in the ‘Readers Digest’. As per her words, it is the condensed version, custom-tailored for public consumption minus the real ugly stuffs. There are sometimes just not enough words.
my story... (Adobe Acrobat reader required)
I seek my avenues of personal growth from all these experiences, be it the heard way. I am glad my few words matter to them too. They give me the valiancy to pleat up tiny ripples of hope that I still could be a better person. I am romancing life and it’s miscellaneous colours.

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

I am elated

Kudos to Jennifer Capriati and Anatasia Myskini for ousting the Williams sisters from the French open in the quarter finals at Roland Gaross. I was sick and tired of seeing them with their dresses in the court like clowns in a circus. Ana is just happy being Enrique's girlfriend I guess.
Jennifer Hawkins of Australia has won the Miss Universe. Lots of Jennifers are happening. J jumped with joy as though she has won it. I too shared the joy with her as though she has won. Ah! I am reading 'Business Lessons for Interpreneurs: 35 things I learned before the age of thirty' by Mark D. Csordos. The publishers happened to be again J's company. Seeing her company's logo on the book, gave her another reason to jump with joy. 'Bangalore Central' opened recently. We dropped in last week. Suffering from month-end syndrome, we did not pick up anything. Yesterday, we went to grab the t-shirt I had to have. It reads 'what's your's is mine and what's mine is mine!'. I got one for J and one for me and some other stuffs too. We are not horses, horses gallop. We just jump with joy. If she had to win the contest, perhaps I'd die with happiness. I don't know why, I am just elated.

girl's night out (Life is now!)

J and me had a girls night out. Spent the evening hopping in and out of autos. Went shopping then to the movie theatre. Balcony tickets were sold out. Went for the dance class and then back to the theatre again. Got the tickets for the 9.30 pm. show. Rushed home. I prepared Dal, chawal, salad and omlette with lightening speed. By 8.45 we were ready. Then came the rain, pittar-patter and then pouring with full gusto. It did not dampen our spirits. Walked down the road, pants rolled up, sharing an umbrella. Not a single auto was in sight. Went a little panicky. Fair soul! We saw one coming from the opposite direction. Usually, we scrutinise the faces and the gait of the drivers if it is at night but, this time we didn't. Went splashing (thanks to the drainage system of Bangalore) with a speed that would have put Schumacher to shame. I guess a few pegs of whiskey must have done the trick on him. Reached on time. We were the only females in the two rows behind and before us. Least bothered, we commented to glory. Screamed to the screen teasers featuring Arjun Rampal after the interval.
It was 12.15 when we came out. The movie was ‘Hum Tum’. I remember Rani’s hair style and dresses. If I remember the story, I will post it. Saif and Rani were good. Abhi was commendable in his cameo. Very very Husband material! Managed to get an auto for the fare of his choice. Hopped in. Well, The lanes were desolate or sequestered so to say but, we had no fear factor in us. Left it for some other day. However, we agreed not to repeat this fun often. Two big flirts alone in the road at midnight, ha!
Making up to my dear friend for all the times I promised to hang out with her just to break it for some spur of the moment plan with somebody. The small pleasures of life!
I embrace this phase too, unabashed.
Life is today, Life is now!!!

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

New Attitude

Sis R forwarded to me. liked it so, m posting it

To those of you who have pushed me, thank you.
Without you I would have fallen.

To those of you who laughed at me, thank you.
Without you I wouldn't have cried.

To those of you who just couldn't love me, thank you.
Without you I wouldn't have known real love.

To those of you who hurt my feelings, thank you.
Without you I wouldn't have felt them.

To those of you who left me lonely, thank you.
Without you I wouldn't have discovered myself.

But it is to those of you who thought I couldn't do it;
It is you I thank the most,
Because without you I wouldn't have tried.
~Author Unknown

your sorrow

drowned in my sorrow;
I saw life passing me by,
reached out to find you;
drowned in your own sorrow greater than mine.