Wednesday, December 23, 2009


10 yrs back, my parents sent me to Bangalore to give me a normal (and better) life, far way from the bombs and guns, while they chose loneliness for themselves. i packed all my childhood dreams into one suitcase, and left home. Now, i have booked a flat in Bangalore. i am extremely happy to have done it, but i felt a pang of guilt thinking i may never go back. i hope age catches up with my parents and in-laws a tad slow, and they are able to travel and stay with us for sometime.

Well, 2009 has been a year of learning for me. S' brother passed way leaving 2 young children. He was a single parent too. i lost a friend in childbirth. The baby survived. She didn't. i lost both my grandmas, two strong women, widowed at a very young age, and who struggled to bring their children up. One was 100 and the other was 98.

2009 was the year when my honeymoon period ended and i woke up to responsibilities. i learnt the difference between donating money and giving money out of commitment. While courting, S told me that he is sponsoring the education of a boy, his brother and kid sister. i felt 'wow' that is so nice, the ideal family man etc. Living it out was difficult, in fact, very difficult, being someone who has always believed in 'retail therapy' even for mood swings. We had to think about the two children too, while S faced the recession with no salary for a few months, job insecurity and pay cuts. i had to have a paradigm shift to be able to accept things the way they were and expect less.
Got the benefit of being married to a large family when his younger siblings did well. S felt like a proud parent and i did too.

2009 was the year when my assertive skills and patience were tested when the in-laws came to live with us for a couple of months. Been on my own for almost a decade and then to have someone, suddenly tell you how to dress, cook, and behave was killing. i felt claustrophobic, i felt like tearing my hair apart. i often thought of speaking my mind and refusing outright, but when i saw the mother-son-father laughing over coffee, i did not have the heart to speak out or say that our values were different in some cases. in the end, i ended up being good friends with my ma-in-law and i heard she raves about me at home. S is very proud about it, though i still feel i have to get even with him.

2009 was the year when my dream for a flat got big, bigger, vanished and then came back with a bang. Went all across Bangalore in an auto for site visits for a year. We were tempted to change the game plan and go for a car instead, but i am glad we didn't. Finally, booked a flat the first time we saw it after all the merry-go-round. Just like getting married!

2009 made me question myself at times, "why did i get married?" cos i often came back late from work, stressed, tired and famished to an empty house as S worked even more late in his new job. Sometimes, i sat alone and cried just to realize i am very hungry and raided the refrigerator. A full stomach translated to positive thoughts that said, we are in it together :-)

2009 gave me the opportunity to work in a new organization with some amazing colleagues. Unfortunately, many have left the place. Filling Station, Kormangala became our once-in-a-month adda where we laughed and bonded after work.

2009 gave me the opportunity to perform the Salsa with a colleague of mine. i enjoyed it thoroughly. i also had the chance to go for an ‘all women trip’ to Hampi. Boy, it was fun. also managed a couple of breaks with S- Wayanad, Yercaud, Ooty, Conoor etc.

2009 made me stronger as a person and taught me life skills. Very early in the marriage, i have realized it needs a lot more giving.

2009 made me see that the eye-candy at work is about 5 yrs younger than me. When did men become so young and i, so old!

2009 made me addicted to Farmville. (got it while waiting for S to come home). He might just ask me to choose between him and Farmville. i am choosing Farmville!!! :-)


Imagination said...

Arunima, my sincere condolences to you and your family.

Congratulations on your new home. May many new happy memories be made there.

Take care.

venkat said...

Arunima, you stichted together your feelings,problems and compromises openly and honestly in this post wonderfully and is a great read.Wish you a better,wonderful, less stressful and more fun and playful year 2010 and a great decade.

Shrutzz said...

wow, what a way to wove your life in words!!! Have a great yr ahead lady!!! and Congrats for the dram flat..I know how u must be feeling, am waiting for the same feel, when I do it for my parents :)

Anonymous said...

dear arunima,
the way you wrote about the probs, dreams, acheivements all together is amazing...

Congrats on your dream flat and you performance in Salsa..I sooo want to learn it..

wishing you a brighter and wonderful new year..

AmitL said...

A very nice post,Arunima,going through the highs and lows of 2009.In conclusion,I think it's made you come out a much stronger-willed person than ever before.Great to see that you finally booked a flat,after all the house-searches(I don't remember any post when you booked this,right?).:)
Have a great 2010-I'm sure it'll be much better and happier than 2009.

Pooja Shetty said...

hey Arunimaaaaaa congratssssssssss on the new home!!!! Wishing you lotsa love n luck in it!!! You have had a very eventful year. Good going!! Some sorrows too...but thats what life is all about, aint it!


austere said...

What a patchwork of a year!
Some bright spots, some worn...

Thanks for sharing.

I'm also very proud of your home. this is BIG!

Asha said...

Congratulations for the flat!! It seems that 2009 was an action packed year for you.

Sorry to know about your grandmothers. I also lost my grandma(paternal) in 2009 and was lucky enough to meet her before she died.

I wish you and your S a very Happy New Year 2010. May this new year bring good news and lots of happiness in your life!!

Shobana Jayaraman (Srikumar) said...

2009 has been all packed with emotions, action, loss and gains and put behind by you with a wonderful thank you. Love the post.
Here's wishing you an abundantly happy, and joyous new year.

Cynic in Wonderland said...

WIsh you a brighter happier year - one with more serenity, more hope, and much more happiness.

d4u said...

Life is indeed a roller-coaster ride..
Hope you have an amazing 2010 and congratulations on your new home:)

Anonymous said...

I know its late - but happy new year :)
2009 was surely a roller coaster ride for you!
Its was a year of changes for me, and I don't really like changes :)
Boy oh boy, I was horribly addicted to farmville. Had to leave it after reaching 28th level. Gardening will not help you to be an engineer my mum told :(

Madhumita said...

I enjoyed reading this post - could identify with quite a few things here. Where were you before Bangalore? - you mentioned getting away from bombs and guns.

All the best.

shub said...

congrats on the home and on braving it through it all :)
hugs, and wishing you a very happy new year.

Anjan said...

Hi Arunima
Though not very regular on ur blog, it never fails to capture whenever I skim thru...2009 has been one of the shittiest years of my life... I too lost my grandma who was 92 and almost lost my job after returning from abroad...My gf s sis-in-law died while giving birth to a baby boy...No words...Some solace now for a new beginning at least.... Have a grt year...