And another year ends

Did some mindless shopping. Do not even want to get into what happened this year. 2013 was about enduring the consequences or the fall out of 2012. i endured, and life continues. i am trying to tell the stories, but the words are difficult at this moment. i do not know if i can ever be candid as before about my life anymore. It is maturity, age, and also motherhood.  However, like humming a long forgotten song, i had this sudden urge to blog and did not have the time to care, or to think about doing it in another place. This is where i belong, warts, punctuation errors and all.

We have the New Year's party coming up at a friend's place. We decided to dress up and jazz it up with a lot of activities and games. Hubby has been driving me around for all the shopping. Took one selfie after another and shared with friends straight from the fitting room. Well, i realize you can live your life shallow like this, dressing up, dressing down and then planning what to wear for the next party or get-together. Some people do this not to go crazy, and find depth in the shallowness. Not getting me?!

Tomorrow will be another day, but for now, the night is young...

Tonight
We are young
So let's set the world on fire
we can burn brighter
Than the sun ~ Fun, Some Nights

The Mistress

The mistress said, "Although, our relationship did not start in the right way, I loved you."  This is a dialogue from a Korean serial that I just finished watching, called The Inheritors, or The Heirs. The statement was profound enough to make me feel like saving it and sharing it somewhere. She is not the main protagonist, and her character seemed shallow but towards the end of the serial, I started liking her a lot.

Sometimes we end up liking the wrong person, and making the wrong choices in life, for 'love' as you call it, but like her, if it is another woman's husband, house, or marriage for that matter that you are trying to call your own, the guilt of having done that wrong often outweighs the happiness that you think you have received. This was her, blaming herself when things did not go right. But one thing was true, she did love the man and she said it when she was moving out of his house.  Sometimes, i feel 'love' is also about not acting on it.

Coming back to the serial, it is a hugely popular one in the Asian region starring Lee Min Ho, one of my favorite young actors (damn, they are all younger than me. But recently, I have a thing for younger men, no? What else can one do, actors that I grew liking are reaching adult diaper days, and i am reminded of my Auntijiness)

It is about rich kids who are groomed to be heirs and heiresses of their business empires, what lengths the parents go to uphold the family name, and what happens when this guy, (Lee Min Ho) fall for a commoner, while he has to bear the weight of his crown. It is a 20 episode drama. Enjoyed it.

and again

The tyres screeched and then a bang! My baby started crying suddenly. i cannot put in words what i felt in that second. Thank God, nothing happened. Well, the car behind us had rear-ended our car. We were at an intersection, stopping at a red signal. With the baby, S is a very careful driver. The other driver apologised profusely, but it has left me a little shaken about taking him out. i wanted to hug him and pacify, but you cannot remove the baby from the car-seat immediately. This might be just the heart of a mother, but the most painful road safety rule in the U.S is not being able to hold your child while you are driving. Yet, i have to thank the car-seat for the safety of my child in that accident. If he was in my arms, he could have been hurt.

We  moved to Illinois at the end of July and S is yet to get his driving license from here. If we report to the police, it goes against the car and the driver that the car has been in an accident no matter whose fault. We were worried that this may hinder S from getting the license and decided not to report, and go via the insurance. i still do not know how to drive (this has been my new year resolution for many years. Darn, i make it like going to mars), and S has been doing all the driving for every small thing. As new parents, we are also struggling with the baby and trying to get to a routine.

i don't know if it is the hormones; after the baby, i have been crying for every small thing. So, let me cry for what could have happened (my baby could have been hurt), what did not happen (o thank God, we are all safe), and what happened (it is our brand new car and we need to change the bumper and some parts).

To release tension, i called up mother-in-law and reported the incident. The conversation went to another direction about God and me not praying enough or offering enough to God as i had been bed-ridden once after an accident. i am spiritual, but not too much into homas and pujas. S was pissed with me for instigating this to the mom-in-law and made me sound like a hypocrite. Going forward, all tension will be released on my blog.

A friend had suggested we go for apple picking this weekend to some place which is an hour's drive from here. i have decided to pick apples from the refrigerator instead.

when you have a baby

When you have a baby: 

• You stand in front of the mirror at midnight and chop your long tresses off because you forgot when was the last time you washed it.
• Having a nice shower is a luxury and 11pm, 12 or, sometimes 1 am is the right time.
• You are changing all the time - the diaper, the clothes, or the bibs.
• The baby is smelling fresh and nice while you smell... nevermind!
• You wonder what is sleep, and you can do it while sitting.
• You are confident that someday you can sleep while standing too.
• Rock a bye baby is classic rock, and bloody mary and her lamb is suddenly all so important.
• Tummy time is olympics to you.
• You act like a clown to entertain the baby.
• The longest road trip is to the grocer.
• Sex is what you tick in a form as male/female/other.
• The universe and all the galaxies revolve around your little one.
• You feel disconnected when friends mail you about their problems in life.
• You click pictures of every gesture of the baby and send it to unsuspecting relatives.
• You don't know who cries more when baby gets vaccinated and stay awake the whole night to soothe the little one in your arms.

 

boy

You know what he did to his sister's summer assignments? He wrote 'very good' on every page with a tick mark. She had taken almost a month to fill up the workbook carefully and had to redo the whole thing in 5 days. He was in primary school then and meant well. i remember him as the fair, chubby, naughty, and very cute boy. There was a girl who used to carry him in her arms. i think she was his cousin's friend. He cried that he loved her and wanted to marry her. Whenever the relatives gather and he gets mentioned, we laugh over his childhood antics. One of my mom's favorite too, he used to say that mom rides an ill-fitting luna and didn't even notice him walking to school, smart and handsome. He collected the nose wax (mucous?) it seems. When his mom cleaned it off, he cried saying that he wanted to make a ball out of it. The courtyard used to be full of bows and arrows during the mahabharatha season on T.V as he and his cousins would be at war. He once asked his big daddy (uncle) to run without clothes in the rain with him as it would be fun. He was too cute that his big daddy laughed and said, "i would really love to do it, but your aunty will scold me". If the pestle and mortar were missing,  his mom would find something being grounded for some experiment, sometimes pieces of glass.  
i saw him last when mom left for Imphal. He was working for one of the airlines in Bangalore. i still felt funny remembering all that i had heard about him and to see him suddenly grown up. Smart in the uniform, it was a delight to see him. He loved famously too, and got engaged in January to be married early next year.

i called up his sister and came to know that he passed away on the 21st of Feb, suddenly. On Facebook, he still smiles beside John Abraham inside some flight. We had teased that he looks much more handsome. Sometimes, you don't know why things happen.

Shadows

"Most people think that shadows follow, precede, or surround beings or objects. The truth is that they also surround words, ideas, desires, deeds, impulses and memories." -Elie Wiesel, writer, Nobel laureate (b. 1928)
They also form your experiences and shape your opinion of the world many a times.
In an erstwhile organization that i worked for, there were talks about a lot of office affairs. Many people were not spared. There were a couple of bachelors and single women, who were close to each other. They were eligible and i guess people found them boring to talk about. The more interesting were the married kinds.   i was married and like to believe i was (am) still attractive, and i talk to guys frankly. So, i definitely fitted the bill. At times, i felt it would be a prestige issue if you are not being talked about.  As there were as many women as men in that department, the gossip did the rounds and all of us kept it together, but i realised at the helm of all of these, the source often happened to be someone whose personal life sucked, and thrived at gossiping about other people. As they say, nobody talks about the secret virtues of other people.

i am often close to male colleagues and end up being their agony aunt too. So, i was discussing this with S, an ex-colleague of mine. (He is married to a beautiful woman and has a son) He suddenly said,  i pity myself for not being able to have one of those affairs. i must join back to that organization and had me laughing in splits.  Anyway, this has given me some short story ideas and i am working on them now. Hope they see the light of day.

Having said all this, i shall give some gyaan if you are involved with someone at work. This is purely my personal opinion.

• Does your life suck so much that you couldn't find anyone outside the organization? lol! kidding!
• Even if you are the most eligible couple, first check out your company policy.
• I hope it is not your boss, or the boss' wife/husband. :-)
• Can you stand the person at work as well as at home? (if it culminates to marriage.)
• Be discrete. No need to paint the town or the office red with your love. People often come for the purpose of working in an office.
• If you are a couple, people may generally leave the two of you alone and not mingle at work. Are you ok with that?
• No PDAs please.
• It is hard whenever a relationship breaks, it will be harder if you have to see the person everyday. You may want mother earth to swallow you alive when that happens.
• If it is an extra-marital affair, God bless you! :-) Just remember, for any amount of chance that we get in life, there is always a choice that we can make. I don't want to be preachy, so i said, God bless you, but the world is full of beautiful and caring people. Doesn't mean we get involved with all of them. If you still think this was the second chance or the third that you so deserve in life, just remember every relationship requires an effort to make it work. Think future. And remember all the above bullet points.
• If it is a beautiful friendship that you share, nobody has the right to interfere. However, it is not wrong to introspect and see if you unknowingly crossed the line, or gave away too much fodder for gossip.

Sound and fury, and some romance

i thought 14th was 13th, but S wished me and i came to know i am behind time. Then the delivery boy got me a box with an indoor plant (the blue iris) in a planter with the following note and had me in tears.

For Arunima,
For the sound, the fury, and the color in my life.
      I love you.

From,
 S

You do know i have a wonderful husband and i was smart enough to marry him. Feel like doing the penguin dance for him. i look like a penguin these days and if they are cute, i must also be cute. Perhaps, i should do a Demi Moore. :-)

Hang in there

Hang in there, little one. i can hear you. Are you doing the salsa inside to cheer me up and lift my mood, to calm the head that has a never-ending list and forgotten to comb?

It is another 5 days, and 10 things to complete, but i know, i must. The list is made. It is only about striking them off and enjoying the feeling. When i am down, suddenly you kick and let me know that you are bursting with life, and give me reason to stay calm and hope, hope for everything that is beautiful and sweet. Longing to hold the little fingers and forget all pain. So for now, hang in there, little one. 

my true colours

The idea of a life without a child did not scare me one bit. i was OK with or without it as S often said, we could do much more for poorer relatives and under-privileged children that way, and we could roam the world. However, the accident changed everything for me. i hit the ground on my butts and the impact left my lower body in so much pain. i don't know from where, but the fear that i may in fact, never have a baby appeared to me suddenly. i remember being rushed to the nearest health center first. i was almost delirious and asked for a gynaec to see if everything is fine. My colleagues came rushing. Looking back, i am quiet embarrassed at how i cried and told them, (many of them males) about my fears and how i had summoned a gynaec. i was not as much bothered about how many bones were broken, but whether anything was wrong inside. i did not even get the word Uterus, but told the doc that my vagina and everything around it is paining. How embarrassing!  how embarrasing! i was shifted to a good ortho hospital and there too, i made the Director of my department ask the same question to the doc.

Well, then S travelled. i asked him to get me pregnant before he left when i could barely stand. Obviously, he refused. :-) So, my main intention when i went to the U.S was only to get pregnant. Like many bloggers who disclose only after the baby is born, i wanted to do that. But i guess that is not my personality. i have been managing the past 5 months of pregnancy on my own and if i do not disclose it on my blog, where else would i? i have bouts of depression and frustration at times, but i am extremely thankful to God and all my colleagues and friends who have supported me in these months.

On a funny note, when i met with the accident, i thanked God that i wore nice panties. i wondered if i had worn boring ones, how embarrasing it would be had i died and they had to conduct a post-mortem. Also, my Line of Busniess lead took them off for me, and the director of my department (both ladies) put it back as i had to take x-rays of the fractured hip bone. Some lucky panty i say! Should frame it up for sweet memories
:-)

oh!

oh, how would it be to roll in the snow with gay abandon!

honey, where is the sofa?

My long distance marriage has been going on for almost a year now. Before that, S travelled for a couple of months. He came back and was asked to travel again when we just shifted to the new place. He said 'no' as i was not well and we were winding up the interiors and monitoring the wood work day in a day out. His tickets were booked the next time around, but i met with the accident just two days before his travel due date and he had to postpone again until i could stand on my feet. i had become very popular with his management and clients alike. However, he did go and it has been almost a year now. Time for us to take stock of things and decide what we want to do. P.V Narasimha Rao, i think, had famously said in his book, " the decision not to take a decision is also a decision." Well, i lived this for a year and it was never an easy thing. No doubt, he never looked happy in any of the pics that i saw of him on T.V while he was the P.M.

When i went for the two months vacation, i didn't know S wanted me to weigh the options and see for myself how i liked the U.S and if we would wish to stay there, or want him to come back. Emotional as i am, i never expected myself to love my job so much. i tried being a house wife for the two months, burnt my fingers while cooking, cribbed and cried and made sure S take over as the official cook, and came back. i am pampered silly by my husband and i am surprised that i can still stay away from him. Anyway, confused mind leads to confused post and this is not going to end in a proper way. Instead, i will share what i did while coming back to india. Without asking him, i packed the lava lamp, brought it to India, forgot about the voltage difference and the moment i inserted it on the plug point, the power tripped and darkness prevailed. It was nice and pretty in his apartment. Now, it is wasted and repairing it doesn't list even in my to-do list. i also carried candles, picture frames, and a lot of stuff for the house. S did tease me saying that if i could, i would have packed the sofa too in my suitcase, which is actually true.

Coming back to the U.S, it was not possible not to be bewildered the first time i saw the country. Most of my friends, and half the world have already travelled or are settled there, so i did not shout it out loud. It was mind blowing at times. I did travel a lot. The most thrilling experience was the south-rim walk at the Grand Canyon, where we stood small and admired mother nature in her vastness, mystery, and beauty. Vegas was amazing too, and i lived every moment to the fullest in the brightest spot on earth. Rest, i flew up and down meeting up with childhood friends and family. The icing on the cake was the business class from Atlanta to Paris on my return journey. i had been crying until i reached Atlanta for leaving my hubby behind, but i cheered up when i saw that i was getting business class in an economy ticket.

Why am i writing all these only now when i had actually come back in the end of August? This is how i live through my separation from the hubby, re-living each moment we had together as if it happened just today morning. The months have somehow passed and we are trying to be together again.

My Marriage

I married when I was barely 18. We were young and madly in love. He was from a very rich family and showered me with gifts. His parents were happy thinking that marriage would make their wayward son settle down and promised my parents to take care of me. I knew he was on drugs, but thought our love would make him give it up as he had promised. I stopped studying, but he continued. He went back to Delhi to do his graduation. When he was in the second year, one day, he was found dead in the toilet due to an overdose. Already, I was like a maid in that house, with him studying and not staying with me, and my situation worsened after he passed away. I came home to be with my parents.

My parents sent me to Bangalore to do a BSc course in Biotechnology to keep me away from the talks of the neighbours and relatives. During this time, I met my second husband. This was my second chance in love and life, and he stood by me through thick and thin. He was disowned by his parents when he decided to marry me. He started working for a BPO to support me. I had two children in quick succession and decided to be a house-wife. After a couple of years, he started his own business. We have come a long way from where we started.

Things however, did not turn out as good as I expected. He started having an extra-marital affair. He hired her as a Manager and people started telling me about the late night dinners and client meetings. I fought and confronted him and it became very ugly. He said he picked me up from the ditch, severed ties with his family and married me, and now, I doubt him. I managed to get the girl fired. Now, there is another management trainee and I heard the same things have started with her. The business trips are getting frequent, and he is coming late very often. I am in my late thirties now. He is a good father to my kids, and I have decided to live in this house for them. I am past questioning.

The mother and i

Me: Mom, why are you bringing rice of all the things from brother's.
Mom: It is really nice. i don't like the rice at your place.
Me: huh! Mama, you don't want to carry some salt too?
Mom: laughs.

Sometimes, i do think i have taken the crazy genes from my mother.

Went over to the brother's place over the weekend to bring back mom. We came back by train and all my mom could think of bringing back from Tirupur in Tamil Nadu to Bangalore was rice. :-)

The nephew looked like a little monk with his head tonsured. He used to sleep with mom the past one month that she was there with them so, we did not wake him when we left. Heard he cried a lot after he woke up.

The train journey was amazing though.  i blocked out office, work, the dilemma over my undecidedness, and chatted away with mom over all trivialities of life. How much of the world could we see from that small window! It was not green everywhere, but in patches. Between many drylands, we could see patches of tomatoes, yellow flowers, roses, maize etc. Mom and i would point out to each other between our chit chats and cups of tea and coffee. Also, beautiful were the trees among rocks and boulders, beating the hot weather and burgeoning with bright green leaves, breathing new life, creating new landscape, drawing new scenery.

Finally, i was home and nothing compared to the comfort and familiarity of my pillow.

The Visa interview

Being my first Visa interview, i had butterflies in my stomach though i tried to act nonchalant. i always wanted to travel on work, and not travel as a spouse or a dependant but i have to agree it doesn’t happen too often in my field of work. Between us, S was the experienced one and he gave me a lot of gyaan.


S carried a fat file, while i had to follow him carrying a few documents, which talked nothing about my work or qualification, but only about my identity, whom am i married to etc. Suddenly, i realized my life and key to the US depended on S, so i clung to him like number 10 on Tendulkar’s playing shirt.

Then the question started. First they asked S all the what, where, why, hows of his job profile. i was prepared for myself too. You see, i have never stayed for 3 yrs in any company and that tells about my interview facing skills. With utmost pride, i was prepared to say i work for a biiiigggggggggg IT company , the RandD division, no, not Rand, but R and D as in Research and Development . i was about to answer like a self-appraisal meeting. Suddenly, he asked me, “Ma’am how long have you been married?” i looked at S and mentally calculated how long we have been married. Ok, ask something about my job i thought to myself. The next question was, how did we meet? i replied, ‘online’ thinking what a famous blogger i am and how widely unread it is, but how S was a fan and started mailing me. i almost gave my URL to this guy, but he was not bothered. Finally, he asked me “Where are you working?” i was dying to answer all that i had prepared. i whispered the name of my company and he concluded for me that i am going to quit as i have to go as a dependant. i stared at S, and S nodded on my behalf. The visa got stamped and i can visit or be with him as long as he is in the U.S. but i cannot work. However, i am looking at freelance or part-time opportunities, pole- dancing for one.

amir khan-shah rukh khan

Wonder why the title? Will come there. i could have tagged along with S to the U.S. i didn't because i loved my job and it meant something to me. i was not working for the sake of money alone. i wanted to make a career out of it. i have put a little over 8 yrs to my profession. S got convinced by his management to get foreign exposure, and i didn't want to stop him, though we could still have a good life here.

Well, the appraisal feedback happened today, and for the first time in my life, i was not happy with what i got. i know your expectations and management's seldom match, but it wasn't even that. Worse is the cock and bull story later about you are technically reporting but not technically reporting to me. If you feel screwed, it is not me reassurance after the series of  you are doing greats.

Thinking that i have sacrificed my personal life for this makes me feel worthless.
Came back, ate potato chips and cried in that order. Tomorrow, i may see some sense. i know.

So, i want to feel important today and have this urge to show off my blog awards given by fellow bloggers. i had saved the images of some awards, but for some, i have forgotten who gave it. So, like Aamir Khan, i want to shun awards, but the Shah Rukh Khan (got the title?) in me is awakened and i want to display them. i know i had got some silly blogger award or so :-) . Please own up. Else, i am going to display whatever i like. i will derive some cheap pleasure out of it.

My tryst with bribe and corruption

As a child, I took a wooden scale home from school and lied at home that it was given by my teacher. My brother complained to mom. Trying to act cute and innocent did not work with mom, and I had to take it back. We had Moral Science classes where we figured that fear of God is the beginning of wisdom. Being honest and ethical then slowly became part of our value system through parents and teachers. During induction in companies, we are taken through a lot of online courses on ethics and what is expected of us. The companies too, are very strict about it. Sometimes, I do wonder what the employees of Satyam must have felt if they do have a course on Ethics. We crib about our salaries and managers once in a while, but deep down, all of us want to believe in the values, vision and mission of the organizations that we work for. I do feel many politicians must have come with the intention to serve, and right the wrong, but get mired in POLITICS.


My tryst with corruption started with my marriage registration. We were adults nearing 30 with all the right papers. The clerk in the registrar office smiled and asked us money when we submitted the form. S and I were shocked. We saw another lady who was his supervisor. She was in her late forties, well dressed with a huge gold chain and bangles. S said, “She is the supervisor and the others will not dare in front of her. Let us submit to her only.” We went to her and to our horror; she demanded money even without fluttering an eye-lid. S asked why, and she said everybody gives. We gave a few hundreds and left to get back after 1 month. We went after 29 days, as it was a weekend. We were not allowed to get married as we did not complete 1 month notice, for all the money that we paid. We had to go back again after a week. We were married, but to celebrate our wedding, they asked money again. S gave a hundred rupee note this time and we left.

Then I applied for my Passport. I had the marriage certificate too as a proof this time. I went through an agent and submitted all the documents. The policeman who came to verify the address and identity was so thrilled to talk to my bro-in-law who was in the army. They shook hands, one soldier to another, and then he asked me money. I gave him a few hundreds again. My passport to foreign travels was at stake you see.

With financial independence and staying alone, came the need to set up my own kitchen. I know these days, Facebook and blogs are where we cook and praise each other’s culinary skills, but we need some kind of fuel for whoever is doing it behind the scenes. I left home when I turned 19. Never voted. I was told; in Karnataka, you need the ration card or the voter’s id to get a gas connection. I shifted hostels and never got my name registered; as you need to be in one address for a certain no. of years. I tried registering through many of the corporate initiatives that came my way, but none of them worked. I pulled along a Kannada speaking friend to help me get a Ration card, for identity purpose. The officer told me that I need to bring the list where my name has been stricken off from the ration card holders’ list at home. Asked mom. She said, we never had our names in any list like this. I ran from pillar to post for 5 years, while paying exorbitant amounts through private players. When people have paid Rs.320 for a cylinder, I have paid Rs 800 and above. Finally, one neighbor told me to pay Rs 5500, and I got the connection without ration or voter’s Id, my citizenship, my Indianness, identity all established.

Marriage gave wings to many dreams together as a couple, and we booked a flat. When we had to get our flat registered, we were asked to shell out 20k over and above the registration fee. The builder advised our file will not move otherwise. We asked around to fellow flat buyers. All of them seemed to have paid and we toed the line.

Yes, I never opposed to any of these. I stooped in front of whoever exercised power, even when I was right.  But, i have recorded these incidents on my mind because they did not agree with  my values. Tomorrow, I may pay huge capitation fee to get my child admitted to a good school. Like all parents, I will continue giving him/her the values about right and wrong.

Wish life was as simple as it were in childhood. All you bothered was about homework and getting good marks. You could still afford to be uncorrupted.

let us all shop, shop and shop some more

The whole city is on sale. At least, i think so. i shopped a lot online when i was recovering from my accident. My excuse was that i had to make myself feel like i am going on with my normal life. Now, i realise i am shopping even more. online, offline, anyline... i am registered at many online shopping sites. Surprisingly, i take that much time as i would when i really go shopping:

Does anybody else at work have it?
Will it make me look fat/too skinny?
can i afford t?
Can i wear it to work? (i have no other social life these days)
Will the husband mind (he doesn't care, but it is part of protocol and i act concerned)
is the colour right?
can i hide it in the closet?
offline, i walk closer and then walk away and look at it from a distance, then take it to the trial room. Online, i zoom in and zoom out the image, then read the specifications, again and again.

If you feel guilty, what do you do? Spread the virus, or let's say, spread the love. And a blessing in disguise happened in the name of Fashion and you. Now, we have been exposed to all kinds of brands from the comfort of our drawing rooms and the various media available. We don't wear them, but ya ya, we know them. And then there are these fashion weeks that happen, almost every week. After a point, you'll see Wills ShivajiNagar Fashion week, Wills Kengeri Fashion week, Wills Dharvi Fashion week etc. Without diverting anymore, Fashion and You empowers you (bakra banaos) to reach out to some labels. The products are good and the prices are reasonable. It works only through reference, and you get discounts each time your friends buy for a certain amount. So, you buy and she buys, and he buys, and all of you buy and they make merry and also the money. So, if you want to feel less guilty about shopping too much, refer your friends. i can send the invite too. Drop me a mail.

Right now, there is Happiness Sale @Central (what are they happy about, i don't know), Shoppers' Stop and LifeStyle too. I am into Home Decor right now. Lifestyle had better and cheaper stuffs than Shoppers' Stop. Bought candles, vases, decorative stones etc. Took me about 2 hours to select them. i felt, smelt, touched, looked, sighed and then bought.
Today, i am living up to this thought that came through my Word-of-the-day subscription.

It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. There is no fun in doing nothing when you have nothing to do. Wasting time is merely an occupation then, and a most exhausting one. Idleness, like kisses, to be sweet must be stolen. -Jerome K. Jerome, humorist and playwright (1859-1927)

random things

R and I joined the organization together. We met during induction and we hit it off from there. By the second day of induction, we became fast friends and we have remained so. I remember his shock and surprise when  my hand went up to the HR's call of people with above 5 yrs of experience. I told him, it is my 6th company whereas it was his 2nd. He dropped me to the auto-stand, all the while trying to get my age with questions about the year i passed out 10th, what is my total years of experience, and if i started working right after finishing studies etc? i told him i know what he trying to do, but played a woman to the hilt and did not tell my age.

Now, he knows my age. We catch up once in a while post-lunch and walk together. He told me he is quitting. R, i am going to miss you and that is why, this post is for you. We say we will keep in touch, but i know it is never the same. One of my ex-colleague and i work in the same IT park together. We were so excited to be working in the same campus (different companies) that we met up or lunch the first month i joined. After that, we have never met up. And it's been one and a half years now. Most of my team mates have also left. For a change, i am sitting back and watching. All this while, i've always been the one who left before the others did. :-)
************

From the office bus, i saw a beggar at a traffic signal carrying an infant and an empty bottle of milk. Something tells me the infant is not her child. Any mother, no matter how poor wouldn't display the empty feeding bottle to beg. She would feed the baby with her own milk. She would do something. i don't know. i am disturbed by that sight.
*******************

There was one scene in the movie, Paa. It was just about a minute or so. Vidya Balan as a doctor advises a couple in their 30s not to delay in having kids. Somehow it hit me hard. Looked like she was advising me and S. i am not confident that we are leaving a better world for the kids. hmph!

Sis is coming next month with my 7 month old nephew and 3 yr old niece. Let's see if they inspire.
**************************************

Mirror in the sky

"Oh, mirror in the sky...
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life" ~ Landslide, Dixie Chicks

Silent Eloquence completed 6 years of blogging. She was so happy that she got drunk and died. :-)

I went through a phase where I did not want to read blogs, did not want to write. One lesson is not to try blogging once in a month, but try to do it once a week atleast, so that even if you slip, you don't slip months together. A social networking site was partly the culprit and it behaved liked a Mister. What is a Mister? Well, if a married man can have a Mistress, can a married woman have a Mister? So, Silent Eloquence found a Mister in Facebook. An update here, an update there, a comment here, a comment there, boredom, boredom, and lo! I am back.

There are a lot of stories to be told, a lot of experiences to be shared. I am dwelling a lot into personal relationships these days. I am observing, searching and reading a lot about soul mates. Starting to believe it exits and happens for some people, if not for myself. Corporate life, the stressful deadlines, a lot of ambitious single women in their mid and late 30s, single mothers, married couples in late thirties still not sure about having kids, divorcees, married and looking, and a lot of lonely lives... I have met and worked with all of these and some more in this short career span. No, I am not saying these lives are ugly or distasteful. I am saying as is. Some of them are living, 'i am better off like this' happy lives. Once upon a time, it was a simple statistics, an article in a newspaper. Now, I am rubbing shoulders with these people. It is about the people I care about and share lunch with. It is about me and you. There are a lot of stories left in me to share, a lot of stories to be told and therefore, Silent Eloquence continues.

In the domestic front, woodworks are going on in our new flat. Loving every moment of it. Weekends are fully tied up due to this.

S

I have been wishing to read Sea of Poppies (Amitav Ghosh) and The Lost Flamingoes of Bombay (Siddarth Sanghvi).

A few days back, when I came home from work, the ‘Sea of Poppies’ in a hard cover was waiting for me. I flipped the pages and I saw the following written in my husband’s beautiful handwriting.

“ To Arunima,
For the voyages, and all the adventures,
past, present, and future.
S. "

I smiled and then jumped and thanked him, then hugged him, then kissed him then I ran back from the kitchen again to read it and re-read it, and thanked him again and kissed him and smiled and jumped and hugged and kept on smiling.