oh, i have a blog

self-pity and me don't go together. I was bedridden for sometime. felt terrible as the life partner, husband in other words, had to work long hours and I was left to myself. watched a lot of movies one after the other, in the laptop without getting out of bed. Those Kate and Leopold, a walk in the clouds, PS I love you, Someone like you, Forever young, romantic movies of my generation, I must say. Then I went on to the Lord of the rings series. I watched about 30 movies and then finally got bored and jumped out of bed, and started going back to work.

Now, there is work and more work. There are calls which goes on till 9.30 pm while he still continues to come late. There is no work-life balance, but a great work-work balance between S' and mine.

And then there was 'Ethnic day' celebration at work. We were announced that we would win prizes. I went as colourful as a peacock in my ethnic dress. Didn't know where the judges were and ended up not winning. We just got a mail that two ladies have won. They just wore some sari, mine was intricate and difficult to manage and ...peacock colourful.

I hope the winners are not reading this. I hope the judges are reading this.

Anyway, sad and heartbroken, I overdosed on the sweets that the company gave. Man, I just wanted to die!
But all was not lost. I made a colleague buy me chocolate. He is on the 5th floor and I sit in the 2nd floor. He pinged me saying that he wanted to see me in my traditional dress. I said, buy me a chocolate and come. He did.

I thought I have lost my negotiation skills with men after getting married, but well, it is like never forgetting how to swim.

and sometimes you bleed

And sometimes, you bleed just to know you are alive.
i am puking, i am crying, i am bleeding,
until i am left with no strength
it is not just the pain, it is also the fear that it may take away my dreams, bleed them away forever...
i curl up to a ball as if this would help me stop my insides from tearing apart
you look at me concerned, while i look at you through the excruciating pain, knowing you cannot bear half the pain that i am going through
my insides turn, they ache and scream,
my heart pounds everywhere, louder than ever
As you hold me tight, i know i am not ready to die...no, not... just... yet
perhaps, the dreams will take wings again.

I want some drama

squint your eyes and look closer
I'm not between you and your ambition
I am a poster girl with no poster
I am thirty-two flavors and then some
and I'm beyond your peripheral vision
so you might want to turn your head
cause someday you're going to get hungry
and eat most of the words you just said

What else do you expect in life after having a good job and a good husband? Mom and my mother-in-law will reply 'a child' i am sure, but that is not my point.

I think I need some drama in my life.

The weather is so nice right now that I am nostalgic and wish to go home. The thought of going home puts me in a dilemma. I don't know 'home' means in-laws' place or mom's place and what kind of scheming or debating i must go through to stay where i want.

Wonder what 'value add' marriage has brought in my life other than some more responsibilities. hmph!

My English teacher in 6th standard explained asparagus to be something that we eat in my state, called 'Yaipan' in the local dialect. (We make pakoras and some curry out of it. ) I did a Google search a couple of years back to realise that what we eat is not asparagus, but something else. It is another form of arrowroot and not asparagus. Those were the days when we had no internet and teachers could say anything they wanted, and Amrika was so far away.

Talking about Amrika, i am going to Tamil Nadu to meet my brother and his family. They are settled there. If I can talk about Amrika, i can talk about Tamil Nadu.

Me and some colleagues wanted to visit Goa. I have been wishing to visit this place while S feels it is overhyped. I had even started imagining myself walking on the beach, promenading peacefully under a blamelessly blue sky, drinking Fenny or some fruit juice. One by one the colleagues dropped out and one male colleague and I were left. Knowing that our respective spouses are not so kind to allow just the two of us go ahead, Goa got shelved. Now, I have to beg S to take me by December at least. How much pride I had in announcing that I am off to Goa with colleagues!

So, I am off to TN to meet the nephew. I am giving some bonding time to S and pa-in-law (ma-in-law has left). Let the father-son duo gossip about women if they want.

and god help you if you are an ugly girl
course too pretty is also your doom
cause everyone harbors a secret hatred
for the prettiest girl in the room
and god help you if you are a pheonix
and you dare to rise up from the ash
a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy
while you are just flying back

I'm not trying to give my life meaning by demeaning you
and I would like to state for the record
I did everything that I could do
I'm not saying that I'm a saint
I just don't want to live that way no,
I will never be a saint but I will always say~ 32 Flavours, Ani Difranco.