and again

The tyres screeched and then a bang! My baby started crying suddenly. i cannot put in words what i felt in that second. Thank God, nothing happened. Well, the car behind us had rear-ended our car. We were at an intersection, stopping at a red signal. With the baby, S is a very careful driver. The other driver apologised profusely, but it has left me a little shaken about taking him out. i wanted to hug him and pacify, but you cannot remove the baby from the car-seat immediately. This might be just the heart of a mother, but the most painful road safety rule in the U.S is not being able to hold your child while you are driving. Yet, i have to thank the car-seat for the safety of my child in that accident. If he was in my arms, he could have been hurt.

We  moved to Illinois at the end of July and S is yet to get his driving license from here. If we report to the police, it goes against the car and the driver that the car has been in an accident no matter whose fault. We were worried that this may hinder S from getting the license and decided not to report, and go via the insurance. i still do not know how to drive (this has been my new year resolution for many years. Darn, i make it like going to mars), and S has been doing all the driving for every small thing. As new parents, we are also struggling with the baby and trying to get to a routine.

i don't know if it is the hormones; after the baby, i have been crying for every small thing. So, let me cry for what could have happened (my baby could have been hurt), what did not happen (o thank God, we are all safe), and what happened (it is our brand new car and we need to change the bumper and some parts).

To release tension, i called up mother-in-law and reported the incident. The conversation went to another direction about God and me not praying enough or offering enough to God as i had been bed-ridden once after an accident. i am spiritual, but not too much into homas and pujas. S was pissed with me for instigating this to the mom-in-law and made me sound like a hypocrite. Going forward, all tension will be released on my blog.

A friend had suggested we go for apple picking this weekend to some place which is an hour's drive from here. i have decided to pick apples from the refrigerator instead.

my true colours

The idea of a life without a child did not scare me one bit. i was OK with or without it as S often said, we could do much more for poorer relatives and under-privileged children that way, and we could roam the world. However, the accident changed everything for me. i hit the ground on my butts and the impact left my lower body in so much pain. i don't know from where, but the fear that i may in fact, never have a baby appeared to me suddenly. i remember being rushed to the nearest health center first. i was almost delirious and asked for a gynaec to see if everything is fine. My colleagues came rushing. Looking back, i am quiet embarrassed at how i cried and told them, (many of them males) about my fears and how i had summoned a gynaec. i was not as much bothered about how many bones were broken, but whether anything was wrong inside. i did not even get the word Uterus, but told the doc that my vagina and everything around it is paining. How embarrassing!  how embarrasing! i was shifted to a good ortho hospital and there too, i made the Director of my department ask the same question to the doc.

Well, then S travelled. i asked him to get me pregnant before he left when i could barely stand. Obviously, he refused. :-) So, my main intention when i went to the U.S was only to get pregnant. Like many bloggers who disclose only after the baby is born, i wanted to do that. But i guess that is not my personality. i have been managing the past 5 months of pregnancy on my own and if i do not disclose it on my blog, where else would i? i have bouts of depression and frustration at times, but i am extremely thankful to God and all my colleagues and friends who have supported me in these months.

On a funny note, when i met with the accident, i thanked God that i wore nice panties. i wondered if i had worn boring ones, how embarrasing it would be had i died and they had to conduct a post-mortem. Also, my Line of Busniess lead took them off for me, and the director of my department (both ladies) put it back as i had to take x-rays of the fractured hip bone. Some lucky panty i say! Should frame it up for sweet memories
:-)