life and its ways

I turn another year older and a lot crazier. My son wished me and asked what I wanted for a gift - a jacket, leggings, shirt, or a bag and that made my day. He is 5 years old. In his words, 5 years and 7 months it would be. :-) He said we need to invite people and throw a party and the list consisted of  his friends only.

Well, I wanted to update on what happened next after I landed with a job offer since I am blogging frequently at the rate of one post per year. :-) I got pregnant when my EAD came and did not take up the job offer. What a climax, literally and metaphorically, I mean. We are blessed with another baby, this time, a baby girl and I went to the moon and back. Feel so blessed. I used to think that people who have twins are lucky. Even if they struggle the initial years, the kids grow up and you are free to have your own lives again, but oh, this tenderness you feel all over again, the cuteness of a new born! Can you feel the love in this post?! I am so glad I did not have twins earlier.

Mom is here to help me out, and she makes fun of me that should my daughter marry at my age, I will be with a walking stick. :-) I laugh a lot with her, and fight over the care of the baby too, but I feel blessed for every moment she is here.

(Typed this post in January, but I am publishing it only now after mom has left for India, and the baby is 4 months old. )

a song

Diaper diaper
diaper in the morning
diaper in the noontime
diaper diaper
diaper when the sun goes down
                                                    ~ Broke back mommy :-)

Mission - bathing the baby

i never knew bathing such a tiny person would take such a long time. The doc told us not to bathe the baby until his cord stump would fall off, and we should give him just a sponge bath, if at all. Baby's hair was not smelling good anymore and S and i were on a mission, 'bathe the baby'. We planned so much, and it was time for execution.
We set the room temperature right and S removed baby's clothes. (It took him forever). Then, we took him to the bathroom. The tubs that are available here has a mesh so that the baby's head would be supported by the tub and water would drip off easily. Ok, if we place the baby on the mesh, then how do we lift the head up? There is no space for that so, the baby has to be held by someone and the other has to bathe because if we pour water directly, it may go inside his ears. We could not decide whether to wash the body first or the head. (So much for planning) and while we were doing this, the baby pooped on S and some fell on the floor. S screamed out, 'do something'. What am i supposed to do! The focus suddenly went from baby to S and the floor. i ran and got some paper towels and wiped the floor. The baby, by this time was crying his lungs out as S has kept him dangling in the air. S handed him over to me and removed his shorts. i was visibly pissed as he had been concentrating on himself. i am his wife and i didn't really care in what state of undress he was, i wanted my baby to have a bath. S also found a towel and wrapped himself. i was so angry by then that my pout was about to reach India. S held him and we started bathing him. Baby was still crying and in that anxiety, i poured more water than required, which wet his ears. S reacted. We threw some unpleasant adjectives at each other. In the twenty minutes, we managed to wash only his hair and legs, and decided to leave the rest. My baby was just about 21 inches then. :-) We promised each other to plan better and also ignore smelly hair for sometime.

Now, it is a thing of the past and i bathe my baby effortlessly. It is fun remembering.

And there is joy

Blessed with a baby boy. After 24 hours of induced labour, i had to go through a C-section to have my little one. Haven't slept in days, and blogging seem too ambitious at this point in time, but i shall keep trying.

A love affair starts, where i will happily sacrifice. Cried the first time i saw and held him. After a trying and painful day, both mental and physical, there is hope when the little bundle sleeps or shows a hint of a smile.

who is the most lovable of them all?

i have many nieces and nephews from my 3 other siblings.

Ankita somehow seem to be the sweetest among them all. It is not even her nature or looks, the fact that she is the eldest and the first child of the next generation perhaps, has to do with it. My parents say her younger brother is the more sensible one and he talks and does the right thing, while she is very naughty. Yet i seem to like her the most. Yes, the rest of them came one after the other from the rest of the siblings and i did not really see them, but i did not see Anki either for long. When i think about this, sometimes, i do wonder if parents do love all their children equally. i think it is possible for some parents to have a favorite child. Perhaps, they do feel guilty to admit it. Mom says parents love all kids equally, but worry constantly for the weaker one. i don't know. Perhaps, she is right. Perhaps, i am wrong.

growing up

Wearing the red sleeveless top for my sister's wedding, i felt on top of the world. Mom suddenly looked through her bifocal lens and insisted i wear another red, with sleeves. Both the tops looked similar in my eyes as we had to wear a shawl anyway over it, and been away from home for a long time, i was also shocked that someone could actually be strongly opinionated about what i should be wearing. ( i mean the past 10 yrs, i had roomies saying, "this might look better, but you eventually wore what you wanted and nobody mined.)  i said, "i am not going to change". Well, the talk moved away from clothing to how we are brought up and how we rebel because we stay away from parents. Mom got all emotional. i found it funny, but eventually changed and made her happy. i wore the top of her choice, which no one noticed under the shawl.
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Another time, dad and mom came visiting Bangalore to meet with S before we tied the knot. i fought with dad over something. it was lunch time. it was over the way he spoke to mom if i remember correctly. i was so pissed that i said, "i am not having lunch." (yeah, like you did in childhood and wait for your parents to threaten or coax you at least three times. :-)) Suddenly, mom took dad's side and told me, i shouldn't be doing like that as they have come to my house. i didn't know when parents became so emotional and started saying your house, my house. i guess parents are sometimes insecure in their own children's homes.

umm, you can't be that kid forever with your parents, nor can you be all grown up in front of your parents.

The Visa interview

Being my first Visa interview, i had butterflies in my stomach though i tried to act nonchalant. i always wanted to travel on work, and not travel as a spouse or a dependant but i have to agree it doesn’t happen too often in my field of work. Between us, S was the experienced one and he gave me a lot of gyaan.


S carried a fat file, while i had to follow him carrying a few documents, which talked nothing about my work or qualification, but only about my identity, whom am i married to etc. Suddenly, i realized my life and key to the US depended on S, so i clung to him like number 10 on Tendulkar’s playing shirt.

Then the question started. First they asked S all the what, where, why, hows of his job profile. i was prepared for myself too. You see, i have never stayed for 3 yrs in any company and that tells about my interview facing skills. With utmost pride, i was prepared to say i work for a biiiigggggggggg IT company , the RandD division, no, not Rand, but R and D as in Research and Development . i was about to answer like a self-appraisal meeting. Suddenly, he asked me, “Ma’am how long have you been married?” i looked at S and mentally calculated how long we have been married. Ok, ask something about my job i thought to myself. The next question was, how did we meet? i replied, ‘online’ thinking what a famous blogger i am and how widely unread it is, but how S was a fan and started mailing me. i almost gave my URL to this guy, but he was not bothered. Finally, he asked me “Where are you working?” i was dying to answer all that i had prepared. i whispered the name of my company and he concluded for me that i am going to quit as i have to go as a dependant. i stared at S, and S nodded on my behalf. The visa got stamped and i can visit or be with him as long as he is in the U.S. but i cannot work. However, i am looking at freelance or part-time opportunities, pole- dancing for one.

Before I was a mom

Itching to write, but i have no time today. So, thought of sharing a Forward by a colleague and a wonderful friend of mine, about being a mother. This is for all my friends J, Lin, R, and those of you who've entered momhood and for people like me, who are under peer pressure. :-)

Before I was a Mom I made and ate hot meals.
I had unstained clothing, I even took pleasure in shopping.
I had quiet, uninterrupted conversations on the phone.
I had privacy in the bathroom.
Before I was a Mom, I slept as late as I wanted and never cared about the time I went to bed.
I was able to sleep the entire night uninterrupted and woke up with a feeling of being well-rested and ready for a new day.
Before I was a Mom, I never got up every few minutes, stopping whatever I was doing - voluntarily, just to be sure all in the house was okay or to lay my hand on the back of a sleeping child to be sure they were breathing and not feverish.
I brushed my hair and my teeth every day. I enjoyed leisurely bubble baths whenever I wanted.
I had time to clean house and read a magazine.
Before I was a Mom, I renewed my spirit by having lit candles burning all through the house; never nervous about that practice injuring fingers or being a fire hazard.
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to lullabies and nursery rhymes. I was confident.
I was not concerned about the paint on the wall, leaving a window open or the front gate unlocked.
I never worried whether or not my houseplants were poisonous or what I kept under the kitchen sink or where I kept the sharp knives.
I never gave a second thought to the safety of electrical outlets or the accessibility of the medicine chest.
Before I was a Mom, the word "immunizations" meant almost nothing to me.
I had never held down a screaming, fearful child so that a doctor could do tests or give shots.
I had never been puked on, spit on, chewed on, pooped and peed on or pinched by tiny fingers.
I had forgotten how real monsters hide in closets without a night-light on and that bed-bugs bite too.
Before I was a Mom, I had complete control of my thoughts, my emotions, my body and my money.
I never looked into little teary eyes and cried myself.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late watching a child sleep, while praying over their future and being thankful to God for today.
Before I was a Mom, I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the physical pain or ease the emotional hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom, I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body, or the necessity of having eyes in the back of my head, or the importance of having three hands.
I didn't know how special it would feel to hold and feed a hungry baby, kiss a boo-boo or to offer comfort in the middle of a thunder storm. I never held a sleeping infant because I did not want to let go.
I never knew the delight of small arms hugging my neck.
I didn't know the bond between a Mother and her child could be so strong.
Before I was a Mom, I did not know anyone so small could make me feel so important and needed.
I had taken for granted the special moments and milestones I had been blessed to witnessed in the lives of others - like first steps and first words - the sound of a tiny voice whispering "Mommy?" for the first time - the discovery of rain and snow - the first taste of a cookie - and so much more.
No, I had never experienced the warmth, joy, heartache, wonderment, commitment, responsibility or the satisfaction that comes from the knowledge and understanding of what it means to be willing to self-sacrifice.
Now, I can appreciate the over-protectiveness of my own Mom, because I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much - before I was a Mom.

Silence!

“I was reminded of something, an elusive rhythm, a fragment of lost words, that I had heard somewhere a long time ago. For a moment, a phrase tried to take shape in my mouth and my lips parted like a dumb man’s, as though there was more struggling upon them than a wisp of startled air. But they made no sound, and what I had almost remembered was uncommunicable forever."~ The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald.

I look out of the window and see the mist forming; the weather is just salubrious in namma Bengaluru. I love this place. If I hadn’t met with the accident, S would have been sending pictures of snow to me from the US by now, like he did last year. I have never seen snow in my life, not even been to Darjeeling.

I have memories of childhood, they say memories are selective. I have good memories of those with the siblings, friends in the neighborhood, good memories of mom and us, good memories of me and dad, but, I don’t have any memory of us as a family laughing together. I have some, of us playing Ludo and watching Cricket, Wimbledon together, but beyond those games, I have no memories of pep talk in the family over the dining table, over a cup of tea: mom, dad, and us children, or laughing like nuts over the antics of one of us or a silly joke. 19 years of my life, until I left for Bangalore, and no memory of us having a good time together as a family. Dumb brain!

Perhaps, my views in life have been too idealistic and my brain chose to remember what was worth remembering. Oh yes, it was the year 1989. We came for a South India trip and all of us went to eat chicken biryani, in some restaurant in Chennai. I remember that. I was too young, but we seemed contented. Perhaps, my family was a happy family.

random things

R and I joined the organization together. We met during induction and we hit it off from there. By the second day of induction, we became fast friends and we have remained so. I remember his shock and surprise when  my hand went up to the HR's call of people with above 5 yrs of experience. I told him, it is my 6th company whereas it was his 2nd. He dropped me to the auto-stand, all the while trying to get my age with questions about the year i passed out 10th, what is my total years of experience, and if i started working right after finishing studies etc? i told him i know what he trying to do, but played a woman to the hilt and did not tell my age.

Now, he knows my age. We catch up once in a while post-lunch and walk together. He told me he is quitting. R, i am going to miss you and that is why, this post is for you. We say we will keep in touch, but i know it is never the same. One of my ex-colleague and i work in the same IT park together. We were so excited to be working in the same campus (different companies) that we met up or lunch the first month i joined. After that, we have never met up. And it's been one and a half years now. Most of my team mates have also left. For a change, i am sitting back and watching. All this while, i've always been the one who left before the others did. :-)
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From the office bus, i saw a beggar at a traffic signal carrying an infant and an empty bottle of milk. Something tells me the infant is not her child. Any mother, no matter how poor wouldn't display the empty feeding bottle to beg. She would feed the baby with her own milk. She would do something. i don't know. i am disturbed by that sight.
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There was one scene in the movie, Paa. It was just about a minute or so. Vidya Balan as a doctor advises a couple in their 30s not to delay in having kids. Somehow it hit me hard. Looked like she was advising me and S. i am not confident that we are leaving a better world for the kids. hmph!

Sis is coming next month with my 7 month old nephew and 3 yr old niece. Let's see if they inspire.
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anniversary

S, my husband, the one I conned and married two years ago, on this day by dressing up like a doll, going around him seven times and showering flowers on him, and bowing with my hands folded. S, my lawfully wedded husband… well, he just got smarter. Initially, he thought life is going to be like the wedding day always, like a king and the wife bowing and showering flowers.

Well, my friends, time changed and so did the smses, from ‘I love yous’ to “I bought tomatoes and potatoes, you get the rest on the way home” He realized that the wife just doesn’t smile but also talk, and talk nineteen to the dozen, even while asleep.

In the morning, while he expected coffee in bed, the wife has jumped out of bed with a hair that would put any religious leader to shame, and jumped into the office bus, to start her so called very important day in her very important career.

So, when Uncle Sam came calling on the pretext of some consultation, S, my lawfully wedded husband ran away for three months, leaving me in Bangalore, to paint the new house in pink and blue polka dots if I care.

Happy Anniversary hubby, missing you dearly. There are bills to be paid and the fans need cleaning.