Going in loops

Let me do very well,
let me pass,
let me get the certification at least,
even if I don't get the certification, I have gained knowledge,
why the hell did I take up this course?
Lord, help me tide through it somehow...

my blog crashed in the take-off

There is a way of dealing with some problems in life. Problems such as having a lot to do. And the best way to counter it, is by not doing anything. So, this was what I was doing, not doing anything. It takes a lot of effort not to do anything.

OK, let me be honest. I did not take a sponsorship from the company for higher studies because I didn't want to work under a bond. (obviously, it is not my father's company but I take time to understand such things also.) So I have enrolled for a different course with my own money and I have been studying. By the time I finish an assignment, it is time for another. By the time I finish that, a test is lurking in the corner.

I had decided that my blog has crashed in the take-off. (My goal was to blog till kingdom come you see. whatever that means!) I would resign myself to my career, marriage and motherhood without even a murmur. But suddenly, it started to itch. The itch which would go only by the feel of my fingers on the keyboard, be it just two, typing out a blog post. I am grateful to those of you who mailed and left comments asking, 'what's up?' It made the itch even more pronounced and suddenly, I am sitting and typing another post. I'll be quite busy until December and I don't know when the next post is coming but I have acclimatised with the schedule of doing assignments and studying along with the job and I don't feel too stressed anymore.

Been to one of those off-site team-building nonsense as they call it in the corporate world. Much as I act that I hate these stuffs, I guess I always participate with all my heart. Like the last time, this time again, I got the award for being the most enthusiastic person. Maybe, I cheered a little more, clapped a little louder than the rest.

The phone has been ringing off the hook and my bills are hitting the roof. (what cliches!) No, it is not a man, but suddenly three of us ie. J (ok, she is not J, my dear silly goose who got married but Dr. J my childhood friend in Delhi), R (the lady warden in Pune) and I, have been planning to get married in the same month, sometime next year. I don't know how it is going to work out but we are enjoying every bit of the planning.

By the way, I did not find the movie, Heyy Baby one bit funny. Infact, I found it very stupid.
I had a crush on Matt Damon for a few days after watching the last Bourne movie. I had refreshed my memory and build up expectation by watching the earlier two parts back to back. I did the same for The Resident Evil series. Liked the second part better than the third. What with the two sexy girls kicking ass!
Next was OK and so was Bhoolbhulaiyaa. Vidhya Balan has done very good acting. But you must watch The Brave One. Naveen Andrews gets to kiss Jodie Foster. Boy, he has arrived!

Pehchan kaun?

I love my job, I love my colleagues, I am planning to stay in my company and take the gratuity after 5 years. It seems HRs are reading blogs and hiring candidates. The blogs give them insights on the personality of the candidates. So I am going to write only good things about people and bosses. Kindly forget me cribbing about my client Mrs. M in an erstwhile organization and my boss doing the monkey act. It is in the past. I only have good things to say about my present organization. So, Pehchan Kaun? This is Karunima in the blog world. I consulted a numerologist and I have been suggested I add a ‘K’ before my name.

I say, I really admire the HR profession. Infact, I’d want to be one, the one who read blogs. I’ll put all my efforts and take it one step further by even commenting on them. To talk about my credibility, this is what has happened. Before I joined, there were some 2 bonuses in a year and two hikes. After I joined, the bonuses have become once a year with no increase in the percentage, hikes are still unheard of at least until today. My team used to get overseas assignments. We are not software programmers and we are not sent for long durations, but it was there. After I joined, that has also stopped. Therefore, I am the right candidate to be hired by all counts, not to forget that some erstwhile company that I worked for has closed down or has changed the line of business.

That was about work. I have been closely following up the papers on how Hyderabad is reeling under one tragedy after another. I am going to Hyderabad this weekend. Will be missing J as I had visited the place first with her. Bitch, why did you get married? While at it, we will be visiting a home for the aged and spend some time with them. I have always been involved in projects dealing with kids. This is going to be a different experience all together.
Wanted to meet M but the bugger has been sent to the UK for a year or so. Blessed him over the phone not to be screwed by the project. I asked him to earn a lot and buy me something nice, be it from there or from here after coming back but buy. Boy, I should have at least copied my way to an Engineering degree.
I am hoping no bridges, flyovers collapse or any blast happens at Hyderabad as one of my friends has already backed out.

Plays

Watched a play at Rangasankara with colleagues. The proceeds they said, would go to an NGO for children, Dream a Dream. It was like a school annual day function and we really enjoyed it. The play was based on a story from the Panchatantra. Many kids in the audience were so involved with the play and were screaming out ‘yes’ and ‘nos’ and replying to queries when the cast posed them questions. We laughed all the way seeing them answer. Theatre is really doing well in Bangalore. Best part about Rangasankara is that the tickets are moderately priced and the play starts dot on time. Nobody is allowed to enter after the play starts.

Talking about kids and plays, my colleague shared her experience as a parent when her child participated for a play in his school. It seems he had to be a Banyan tree. All he had to do was stand behind the prop and put his face out of the tree. She bought cardboards, drew, made cut outs, painted, hung jute ropes for the roots and finally, it was ready. After all that effort, the Banyan tree stood in one corner of the stage with her son’s face popping out quietly. Even after the play, she did not have the heart to do away with the Banyan tree and retained it in her house for a very long time.

Moral of the story: Do not ignore the vegetables and the trees in children’s plays. They are the hard work of the parents.

goldmine part 2

The last time, it was this.

Let us all sigh together. Sigh!!!

I've got the look!

got it as a forward.

movies and their songs

I was just listening to the songs of Life in a... metro. I like the O meri Jaan number. It would have still been very nice without the guitar from silent lucidity. It has lost the chance of being called original due to this, just like Bips I should say. Bipasha lost the chance to correct the world on how to pronounce the Taj Mahal by picking up an accent at the airport and announcing Taj Mahaal at Lisbon.

Coming back to the song, while I was listening to it, I remembered a song of yester-years. Jeetender ran with the saree clad heroine singing,

"Saumbar ko hum mille,
mangalbar ko nain
...
sath dino mein hogaye jeise sath janam ka pyar
ho ho ho (hero and heroine running)"

We met on monday, eyes met on tuesday, ... after 7 days, it looks like its the love of seven lives ho ho ho (hero heroine running.)

Now, some lines from the song O meri Jaan goes like this:
"kal uska raha
ab hain tera ish raat se
O meri Jaan"

Until yesterday, I was his/hers. Now I am yours from this night, O my life.
Nobody seems to have time nowadays. Sigh!

Ok, the movie has come (was released in May) and gone but I still want to mention my observations. I don't particularly like Shilpa Shetty but she is famous in the U.K. In India, she is famous for having...
I mean she has got a flat stomach that would put any LCD T.V to shame. She has an easy smile too. If you start looking at one end of her smile in the morning, by the time you reach the other end, the sun would have set.

In this movie, the characters get to play what they have done before. Shilpa, cried racism racism in Big Brother but then had a change of heart and denied it. In the movie she cries love love through an extra marital affair but decides to go back to her husband.

Konkana Sen yet again gets the chance to catch her boyfriend pants down with another man like the movie, Page 3. Ironically she realizes that her competition has been with a man.

Kangana Ranaut(I hope I spelled it right)gets to play a woman who doesn’t know with whom she is sleeping with and hits the bottle like the movie, Gangster. This time the bottle was phenyl.

Shiney Ahuja plays the helpless man of few words like Gangster.

Now, I am not able to say anything about Irrfan, KK and the other guy. Interested people may kindly help me out. Let’s leave Dharam and Nafisa. I liked the movie particularly Irrfan and Konkana Sen. I liked their chemistry and one particular dialogue:

Konkana is choosy about her man and has been rejecting guys after the first meeting itself. She is not ready to compromise on her expectations and she is understandably, quite lonely. (This is the background)

Irrfan: My friend is waiting for the traffic in the city to go green so that he can take his car out from the garage.
Konkana: But how will that be possible unless he takes it out and tries?
Irrfan: That’s what I am saying. You have to take your chance baby.

All about myself-untagging the tag, whatever!

Went blog hopping and I saw that many are showing the symptoms of having no better idea than to pick up some old tag, which is exactly what I am feeling at the moment. I like to believe I was tagged. Kishore, it was you right? Please say you did.

Ok, I don't remember the rules but I am supposed to write some 8 things about myself. This blog has been all about myself for more than 3 years now but here are some more:

• I never do a spell check while blogging. This must be very evident but I can explain this. At work, anything that I write goes through three rounds of review or approvals. (yes, I am expecting a hike for this). The best part about our job is that we paint each other's work red with the track changes. It is mutual you see. If you have put a double space by mistake, the paper will come back with a long comment saying that double spacing used to happen some 30 years back and it should be avoided. So, you know why? I feel like a queen here. Without any worries, just click Publish Post.
• I feel for Ashok Kumar like I feel for no other actor. I mean, I know he has passed away and all that but he is one actor who was old even when he was young. He looked the same when he was the hero or when he was the grandpa. I really really feel for him.
  
• I don't understand how people manage to have multiple blogs. I am not talking about photo blogs here. I mean how the hell do you guys manage? How the hell do you find time for it? How the hell is your personal life? How the hell do you spend so much time online?
  
• You will never find a recipe being posted on my blog. I don't like to read them on other's blogs too unless it is something entirely dedicated to recipes in which case, I avoid going there.
  
• This is a case of jealousy. Why are people linking up to libraries and showing off their collection of books? I own only about a dozen books. I have always relied on friends to gift me or read it from the local library. So I am jealous. Yes, I am.
  
• To add to the above point, I am dating someone who owns more than 200 books. Yes, this is also one reason why I am dating him apart from many other reasons. I actually counted one day and felt so proud that someday, it is all going to be mine. I am thinking of having a pre-nuptial agreement on the ownership of the books. No, he is not the librarian. The librarian is a female.
  
• I am running short of ideas so let me add this: I have been swimming every weekend religiously and I have only been swimming width wise. 10 laps leave me very exhausted. I intend to cross the length of the pool someday. There will be a post on my trials and tribulations and how I conquered the 50 mts.
  
• In most interviews, I am asked about marriage and being single in the city. I always answer that I am engaged and my fiance is in Bangalore. I attend interviews regularly whether I am looking for a change or not and I have been replying this ever since I turned 25.
• One more point even if I am not asked. I read my own blog to ensure that atleast there is one loyal reader.

Colleagues

"A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep
To everything (turn, turn, turn)" ~ The Byrds

Last month, P’s wife had a baby who was just 1.5 kgs. We went “Oh My God!” The baby was kept under intensive care in the hospital, the bill running to lakhs.

There have been some 6 pregnancies in the team and people have been going on maternity and paternity leaves. It is a different feeling all together to see female colleagues get pregnant and see the baby develop each day. I have been with them throughout the cycle- from morning sickness, to the various rounds of ultra sounds to food cravings. Sometimes, I crib and ask them to spare me as they go on and on about the .2mm long nose or 3cms long legs in an ultrasound which is like a patch of black and white marks to me. I had felt V’s stomach the first time the baby kicked and then it was the turn to feel R’s stomach again. V has just come back from her leave. During her absence, R had carried on the legacy and updated me almost everyday on the progress of her baby. Her mom prepared 5 different kinds of rice and fed her, her husband sings nursery rhymes to her stomach, they are planning to invest for the baby, and she will go for one of the best hospitals to deliver so that all of us can visit her.

R was just about to go for her maternity leave in another week’s time. She did not feel any movement suddenly and was rushed to a hospital and we came to know she has lost the baby. Just a day before this, she had said the baby is looking very chubby in the scan. She is in a family of doctors too. We have only been praying as her husband got in touch with us saying she is still in a state of shock.

Her cubicle is bang opposite mine. I see the empty chair and our group photo on the desk with a heavily pregnant R smiling radiantly.

A country without a post office

"At a certain point I lost track of you.
when you left even the stones were buried:

Who is the guardian tonight of the Gates of Paradise?
My memory is again in the way of your history.
You needed me. You needed to perfect me.

In your absence you polished me into the Enemy.
Your history gets in the way of my memory.
I am everything you lost. Your perfect Enemy.

I am being rowed through Paradise in a river of Hell:
Exquisite ghost, it is night.

The paddle is a heart; it breaks the porcelain waves.
It is still night.
The paddle is a lotus.
I am rowed-
as it withers-toward the breeze which is soft as if it had pity on me.

I'm everything you lost.
You won't forgive me.
My memory keeps getting in the way of your history.

I hid my pain even from myself;
I revealed my pain only to myself."

Only certain lines that I liked from Agha Shahid Ali

The inheritance of loss-what I liked and what I didn't like.

Quotable quote from the book: "Love must surely reside in the gap between desire and fulfillment, in the lack, not the contentment. Love is the ache, the anticipation the retreat, everything around it but the emotion itself."

What I did not like:

The use of defecation and things related to it for almost 4 to 5 times in the novel. I don't know what kind of pleasure the author was getting out of it. Is there a disease of this sort?

The language. Considering that it is an award winning novel, I expected to experience some stylistic joy of memorable prose. Her mom seems to be better on this front.

What I liked: The story, which she carries with authorial omniscience. The parts about the insurgency somewhat sounds like home though it is based in some other place.

Well, the story is about a retired lawyer basking in his past glory, his westernised grand- daughter Sai and her love interest with a poverty-striken local, their complications in negotiating their love for each other and opposing political principles and the judge's cook. If they are hapless, unwilling witnesses to the identity struggle in the hills between the immigrants and the settlers on one side, the cook's son Biju on the other side, goes to the US chasing the great American dream and eks out a miserable existence as an undocumented worker, stumbling from one low-paid restaurant to another. Desai captures his particular brand of bewilderment and loneliness with a rare empathy.

The full sense of the story comes only in the end but Desai does not give any easy answers to the problems. The story is quite poignant in some ways and her observations are quite cynical.

It is very much a readable book but I liked Rohinton Mistry(A fine balance) much better than her.

The Royal Bath

Been too busy at work and after the long hours, been too tired at home to even sit in front of the system. Off late, I have been planning my day while bathing. Was trying to give direction to my thoughts today. Too many things had to be done at work. Had to plan a speech for some function, had to co-ordinate with the vendors, the photographer and many things. I am not the event manager for this organization. No, I am not and certainly I also have to focus on doing what I was hired for, as that is the main bread and butter. Thus, went the thoughts and thus went the time and suddenly, I realised I am running late and still in the bathroom.

At supersonic speed, got dressed and then prayed, at supersonic speed again. God, the universal kick back had to adjust to my timings.

I was waiting for the traffic to slow down for me to cross the road and get in to an auto. Suddenly, I saw an empty auto at the other side of the road. The driver looked at me. I suddenly smile at him- a smile, which conveyed, “Oh dear, it doesn’t make sense waving and asking you to stop as I don’t know how long it is going to take to cross the road and I don’t know whether I’ll get another one so soon but I hope you know you are the need of the hour.” The auto passed and so did many vehicles. Finally, I managed to cross the road and there, I see him waiting for me patiently for the last 2 minutes. Somehow, he made my day and somehow, I got time to blog about it.

In the wings: Some test is coming up at the Organization level for some initiatives. I heard it would be on mathematical abilities, analytical, logical and some more …cal abilities. The only mathematical calculation I know is how much my salary would be if I get a hike of 20% and how much would it be if it were30%. Hope I pass.

women!

As I said before, many of my colleagues are busy promoting me as an aunt. They are busy becoming fathers or mothers. Just a few days back, one of them became a father and the group started talking after visiting his kid and wife in the hospital. What I am going to talk, has nothing to do with babies or the process of making one but the conversation started with it.

One of the senior Managers reminisced the past and said that she delivered way after the due date. She was damn worried and had cried that she would die if something happened to her child. Her mom scolded her saying,"I brought you up with so much care for the past 26yrs and now, you are saying you want to die for a child which you haven't even seen?"

Now, I knew that her kid is 11 yrs now and she had mentioned she was 26 yrs old when she delivered her. In my mind, I went 26+11. I calculated her age. I found it funny, I found it crazy, but I did.

Later in the coffee break, I confessed to another female colleague that I calculated the Manager's age when she was narrating this story and my colleague confessed back that she did the same.

thoughts on the way

The weather was damn good as I came to work. It is not a day for working but going for a movie or shopping or just playing music at home and reading a book which, I had felt exactly the same way last week and had taken leave. Watched Fantastic four, went shopping and read "Inheritance of Loss".

So I thought atleast I can blog even if I cannot take leave. While I was coming, I suddenly remembered a conversation I had with my warden when I was in the hostel. She said that people from the north east dress as if they are very rich but she is also glad to see that they are very hard working. Then she added, "though I don't know why, I can always see what colour underwear you people are wearing (low-waist pants). Of course, I never see yours. "

On a funny note, I felt like asking,"are you disappointed sister?" :-) But thinking about it, in that hostel there was just one girl who flashed her undies and she was not an Indian either but everybody felt that the north east people do it all the time. I am not saying foreigners come and flash, I mean some flash and some don't or maybe, the north east flash a little more. The majority of the north eastern states are Christian dominated and quite western in their outlook. By this, again I don't mean that Christians flash cos, J is a Christian and she doesn't flash. Now I am going back to work with or without flashing.

Dangerous

Saw this in one of the cubicles and I quite liked it.

"If I was organised, I'd be dangerous"

work

Working very hard.

Appraisal is blowing in the wind. :-)

The concert that was

I will not admit that the wait was horrible having to wait from 5.30 till 8 or even later for the concert to start.
I will not admit that I had people pushing me from left right and centre in all directions trying to get closer to the stage.
I will not admit that the air smelled of grass at times.
I will not admit that my legs hurt and my back ached.
I will not admit that I could see him between the shoulders of some giants standing in front of me.
I will not admit that I don’t know all their songs ok; I can admit this as I know the popular ones and there were many like me in the crowd.
I will admit I went with three guys, felt protected and pushed and shoved the giants to glory to get a better view.
I will admit I was glad to be there to see Mr. Tyler in flesh and blood from so close and witness the energy and his trademark scarves tied to the microphone stand.

It is something, which my brother couldn’t see even when he is a great fan.
He used to put up Aerosmith's and many bands’ posters, play them loud as we were growing up and finally made me accept rock music (Iron Maiden and many gothic and heavy metal bands are noise to me still)
Steven Tyler must be no younger than my dad but boy, he still rocked.

fcuk-wit smart

When I started it, I felt I was making a smart move. You know, the smart woman of this century taking care of her own finances and stuffs like that. I realise now, I was fcuk-wit smart. I am going to lose a lot of money to come out of a shithole that I entered in the name of financial planning. Was apprehensive of going via a financial consultant as some of them endorse only those products where they can get good commissions. I am sitting and reading up as much as possible now after all the blunder that I have done with my money.

Finally, my colleague’s husband is helping me out as my financial advisor but the bottomline is that a flat of my own in Bangalore is looking even more elusive.

Janie ke paas bandook hain

I was offered a free ticket to the concert but I had turned it down and now, I am kicking myself. Blogging for a free ticket did not help either.

Bingo (snacks) was running a competition for free tickets to Aerosmith. You have to sing his songs in any Indian Language. I was thinking if I should sing some “Janie ke paas bandook hain” but my free ticket provider agreed to buy me the ticket provided I pay for half of it as punishment for not making up my mind earlier. So, I am going on a half ticket.

On a sad note, another friend from the group was supposed to join us from Chennai but he has been asked to travel immediately. He is losing the concert ticket as well as his flight ticket.

As for me, I need not sing “Janie ke paas bandook hain” anymore.
Don’t be surprised to see me standing at the entrance and selling the ticket if the Chennai friend actually travels. I have sold movie tickets before.

enjoy

Enjoy this.

Never knew

Never knew I could walk alone

until you left me.

Trying to copy saltwaterblues by adding a caption. Add your caption.

(ps: From my photographer friend, Claytonia. I guess he found my ass more worthwhile than my face for his camera.)

swimming, sleeping and some such update

The swimming classes came to an end. We thought we would take pictures in the swimsuit but my colleague lost her mobile. Actually she left it in the office and we had to abandon all plans of merrymaking. So, there will be no pictures of mine or any of my batch mate’s in the swimsuit on my blog.

Anyway, I can swim like a fish now. Mermaid is a better word. I can swim like a mermaid now though I need to join another course called diving. I just bloody cannot dive. I am scared and I fall right where I jump into, no stretching hands, no pushing myself a little further, just there.

I went to learn swimming and I learnt only that.

I used to go swimming after work and after coming back, everyday I would open Amy Tan’s “The Joy Luck Club”. There was a chapter called “the red candles” (or was it blue?). I would start reading that chapter and doze off. I’ll start all over again the next day and doze off after one or two pages. Now that the course is over, I hope I complete the book atleast.

I am getting used to myself wearing braces and people are getting used to seeing me like this. It is all about getting used to finally. Getting used to sitting in the clinic every month and paying 500 bucks even if the dentist works only for 2 minutes on your teeth. Last Saturday, I just asked him, ‘over?’ and he said ‘yes’. I was disappointed. I struggled to get an auto and reach there for the appointment. Finally, I am in and I am out in no time. He should have drilled a hole in a tooth or rewired or done something but not send me out so soon.

Watched Water. Lisa Ray looked stunning.

Somebody sponsor my ticket for Aerosmith.

Spiderman and my man

I watched the first part with one guy, the second part with another guy and the third part, yet again with another guy.

Lord, let this be the last part as I intend to get married by next year.

The power

I am grateful to whoever invented the rubber tube. It saved my life in the swimming pool the other day. The swimming classes are coming to an end in a few days from now. I am one among the best 4 learners so far, according to own statistics. Ok, one of the girls has been coming for quite sometime and she admitted that it is her fourth attempt in learning how to swim. Therefore, I am one among the 3 best as I said, according to my own statistics.

I prayed that the other learners be shapeless so that I can wear the swimsuit without feeling conscious. God answered my prayers with a pinch of salt. Some of the learners are as shapeless as possible but some of them have got striking figures. Anyway, the consciousness vanished once we entered the swimming pool, the first day itself. We are a bevy of girls kicking, splashing water and tugging at each other in the name of swimming, all in the shallow end.

It has got lots to do with how you control your breathing that I thought I should attend yoga classes to learn swimming. I have managed to cross the breadth of the pool atleast. (21 mtrs). So my take away from this class is that swimming has got to do with Yoga and to believe in the power-the power of the rubber tube.

swim swim swim

A few years back, I lived just a 100 mtrs away from it. Now, I am staying some 7 kms away.
A few years back, the charges were just 300 Rs for a month. Now it is 1800 Rs for 21 days.

Well, there is a time for everything.

Then, I was busy finishing my studies. (Atleast trying to.)
Now, like a railway station where the train stops and bus station where the bus stops, I have a workstation.

I am learning swimming finally. Thanks Shub for suggesting that I go directly and enquire. It has been a futile exercise trying through the net and Just Dial services.

Some years back, ex had asked me what would I do if he drowned? To the romantic me, Titanic’s “You Jump, I jump” came to mind and I said we would drown together. (ROTFLMAO) The attention-craving ass was not pleased and compared notes with what his ex had told him. I got pissed and added, ”Actually, as you drown, I’ll do some neat back strokes”. I’ll be learning to do it now. Yeah!

Blogger of the mesozoic era

Many bloggers whose pages have been my staple diet have stopped updating. I am also moving towards becoming dinosauric and about to become extinct. I am still holding on even though the posts are becoming like Bangalore electricy or Bangalore rain. It rains according to pin numbers here. If it rains in Bangalore-1, it won’t rain in Bangalore-10. So much has been written about the first rain and the smell of mud that I thought I should run out and dance and experience all of that. By the time I was changing to my skirt, the one I bought from the kids’ section, it stopped.

Work has been torrid and I have myself to blame. I work day and night these days. So, while I have not been updating here, I have been making some money at least. Need to learn to balance. Like they call it beginners’ luck, everything started so well initially and I overcommitted myself.

There is this “you have been tagged” thing going on through mails. I accepted one such and went on accepting whatever poped up. It ended up with me sending the request to all the addresses in my mail account including ex-boyfriends. I heard my infinity-1 boyfriend is getting married. Imagine what he would have thought! I felt like entering the monitor and pulling back the request if it was possible.

Something good also happened. My cousin in the army with whom I had lost touch replied back after getting this tag request. Now, he is posted in Port Blair and I am planning a holiday while he is there.

Talking about holidays, I went for a trip to Pondicherry this friday. I came back and fell down in the bathroom on my hand and head. My head, close to the ears, started bleeding a bit so I went panicky. It hurt so much that for those few seconds, I didn’t know whether to close the shower first or to open the door. Rushed to the hospital and I am fine now. Pain areas are while wearing spectacles, as it is too close to it and while eating. First, the obstruction by the braces and then, the pain while opening my mouth because of the great (I just love adding the adjective) fall.

I had some praises in mind about Pondicherry but they have now vanished. Yes, after the great fall.

when being in love has burned away

"When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No... don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away. Doesn't sound very exciting, does it? But it is!"

Captain Corelli's Mandolin.

"We spend our whole life trying to stop death. Eating, inventing, loving, praying, fighting, killing. But what do we really know about death? Just that nobody comes back. Then there comes a point - a moment - in life when your mind outlives its desires, its obsessions, when your habits survive your dreams, and when your losses... Maybe death is a gift."

The Life of David Gale

(un)comfortably numb

The lane was lonely and I walked with my mouth covered with my hands. Suddenly a car stopped beside me and I was shit scared. How would I scream if they try to misbehave? Why the hell did I wear a sleeveless top today? Nothing happened, I walked pass the car and then I see a group of guys standing and looking at me and I get the same fear again, damn insecure.

I am on local anesthesia and I cannot open my lips. Rather, I should say I cannot close them though I can bite my teeth. I feel that both my cheeks, my nose and my lips are swollen though the mirror shows all signs of normalcy.

I write this post with this numbness while Bangalore is busy banging its head to Iron Maiden. I got four of my pre-molars extracted. We have only 4 pre-molars right? In that case from today, I am a pre-molarless lady. Along with my teeth, the dentist also successfully extracted a lot of money. I may end up spending close to 30 k on my teeth, some of which are manufacturing defects, some which happened while growing up. (No, I don't smoke or chew pan).

Coming back to the point, the dentist has inserted bandage on my teeth which I am currently biting. I am advised to eat ice-cream after half an hour, eat the pain killer and eat curd rice for dinner. I am not supposed to spit but swallow. I tried doing that, and it felt as though I am sucking water from a cloth. So, I let it be. I try to wipe myself off and I see blood dripping from my mouth though with a thin consistency. Every now and then, I have been pushing it out through the bandage with my tongue instead of swallowing.

I made the dentist write an alternative pain killer just in case I don't get the first one. It must have looked really odd to the pharmacist, bandage between my teeth and speaking without opening my mouth. Managed to get the curd and ice-cream in the same way. The curd guy was really sweet. He knew I couldn't talk and we managed with little words and more of sign language.

Well, I am going to wear braces. You thought I have teeth like Tinu Anand? nah, it was just slightly prominent like Angelina Jolie's. (murder me Angelina!)

The last time J and I had been to the dentist, she had advised me against it saying I don't actually need it. I was seeing someone too and he also had felt the same way. J has been married for more than a year. The relationship did not work either. I have gone ahead with my life and life has revealed a new story each time. I had promised my parents that I would be married by early next year. This procedure may postpone it to the next year and this time, I don't care about any deadlines.

My immediate concern though, is handling my job. My profile includes writing and meeting a lot of people and giving presentations during induction and trainings. Yes, I have to push PPts down the throat of a lot of unsuspecting souls. I don't know how it is gong to be. One of my friends had scanty hair and she said that a lot of people would speak to her head and not her- their eyes unconsciously going to that part of her anatomy where nature has been unfair to. I don't want people talking to my braces.

Anyway, what I wanted to share was my compassion for those people who are disabled. I can understand how it must be to be paralyzed? With just my mouth numb, I felt very insecure even to walk in a known lane. I salute my team mate R. He is on a wheelchair and he is the most technically sound in the team. He has trained all of us on many tools and has been our source of inspiration.

The numbness on the lower lip has slightly subsided now. You guys take care as I say,"give me life, give me pain, give me myself again"

The bride's sister

Samah ye hain suhana...

...Deewane tum ho, deewane hum hain

Organised by CARE India.

Location: Hoskote, 24 kms away from Bangalore.
Charges: 350 per head.

Fear: Having to sign an agreement saying you are responsible for any eventuality and leaving an emergency contact no.

After being airborne for sometime, when thoughts start to wander and wonder…what if the rope snaps?
Fun: The first few minutes as you become airborne and your spirits soar.

Manipuri bride- My sis

Her over-smart little sister (me ofcourse) has messed up with the quality. For the time being, kindly adjust.

I am editing this post instead of replying to the comments. For any Manipuri wedding, the costume is hired. So, the costume people bring along the jewellery too which are of standard designs. That is one thing which I like about this culture. Whether you are rich or poor, you look like a princess on your day.

Coming back to my sis, she did not wear all her jewellery but went for the traditional ones.

plans

There are some people in front of whom you shouldn’t open your mouth. One of them is a dentist. Today, I just opened my mouth and pat went 500 Rs.

V, my colleague has become a mother to a baby girl. I was the only one to say that it would be a girl. She is extremely happy. Another 3 team mates are going to become parents -a very productive team. After my predictions for V, all of them are lining up to ask me. One thing which I like is that people are starting to wish for baby girls.

Me and P had gone to get some gifts for the baby and the experience left me wishing for something else. No, not kids but a dog instead. Baby clothes and baby care stuffs were bloody expensive. One small quilt was 2000 bucks, one small pillow was 300 bucks, dresses just the size of your palm were between 300 and 650.

I had two dogs at home (still have one) and I know it is not a cheap affair but at least dogs won’t be bathing everyday even if you buy dog shampoos. They don't need clothes or jewellery unless you are some nerdy celebrity. You don’t need to bear the yellow stinky ... of the little ones. Being in India, we can easily toilet train the dog to do it anywhere as long as it is not inside our own houses.

But how I love children! And how I tried to bribe my niece and nephew with presents when I went home!

To overcome this confusion, I am going Para sailing tomorrow. I told this to Claytonia Vices and he immediately sent me a video of accidents that happen while parasailing. Thanks for the encouragement Claytonia, I hate you!

Gonna be a bear

In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear.

When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too.

When you're a girl bear, you give birth to your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup...gonna be a bear.

Got it this morning as a forward and liked it.

my visual DNA

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

the vacation and sister's wedding

It started with Lin’s mail announcing her marriage. She has been one of my best buddies from childhood and I wanted to attend it. I spoke to my sister and asked her to get married during my vacation.

Sis was seeing someone whom my parents did not approve of and over the past two years, she started getting aloof even from me. Somehow, I didn’t want to fail as a sister and managed to convince my parents and encourage my sis to stand by her man. Everything worked out suddenly and the marriage was fixed, 3 days before L’s.

Early in the year, I was so broke yet so happy sending money home and shopping for my cousins and relatives.

Got an interesting freelance assignment too just before my vacation and worked my ass off. For a few days, I woke up before the sun did and retired to bed really late. Keeping me company were the tap of my keys and some stray dogs barking. I raked in the moolahs and went home for the much-deserved break.

Girls usually take charge of many things in a Manipuri wedding. As the bride’s sister, I had to run around and see that all the aunties are fed well, if they have received their Pans and the sweets and everything else in between. (You really need to please them well, as marriage doesn’t have much to do with the bride or the groom or their immediate families but with the relatives and the neighbours. Most often, they are the ones who remember your age and are concerned about your marriage more than your family. If I was not that busy I would have loved to sit with them listen to their gossip)

I carried a bunch of keys everywhere running up and down to cater to everybody’s needs.

“Bring the shawl, bring the jewelley, lock this silk, bring that cash, lock this cash, give me something to change, where is the make-up box? Where are the sweets? Keep these things as buffer just in case we need more.” And someone or the other would always call my name from the wrong floor.

After the wedding and all the associated functions got over, the house became very empty. 15 days passed just like that and it was time for me to come back. It was heart breaking to see mom brood and cry so much.

I will be re-living the moments, the happy ones, the sad ones, and the funny ones here, whenever nostalgia hits me.

On a lighter note, attended Lin’s wedding. Only L(another L) and I could make it, as the others could not come home for a break.

Finally, the gang (5 girls remaining) has decided to get married together sometime next year so that all could be present.

The year has been good so far. Been to Delhi and Pune to meet some of my friends. Was not sure of meeting Lin but managed to attend her wedding. I am glad I was able to meet all my childhood friends.

V day- Trying hard

Grew old and lost my memory.

Grew old and lost my memory.

I thought so too, but suddenly something happened at the workplace, which I just had to tell, and I remembered my blog.

One of my colleagues had to invite a group of 4 teams (including the Managers, the Senior Managers and the Director of our division) for some celebration at the pantry.
She mailed to the group,” Kindly assemble @5th floor Panty at 5 pm.”

The birthday

Too old to be excited but

still just right for receiving wishes and GIFTS.