(un)comfortably numb

The lane was lonely and I walked with my mouth covered with my hands. Suddenly a car stopped beside me and I was shit scared. How would I scream if they try to misbehave? Why the hell did I wear a sleeveless top today? Nothing happened, I walked pass the car and then I see a group of guys standing and looking at me and I get the same fear again, damn insecure.

I am on local anesthesia and I cannot open my lips. Rather, I should say I cannot close them though I can bite my teeth. I feel that both my cheeks, my nose and my lips are swollen though the mirror shows all signs of normalcy.

I write this post with this numbness while Bangalore is busy banging its head to Iron Maiden. I got four of my pre-molars extracted. We have only 4 pre-molars right? In that case from today, I am a pre-molarless lady. Along with my teeth, the dentist also successfully extracted a lot of money. I may end up spending close to 30 k on my teeth, some of which are manufacturing defects, some which happened while growing up. (No, I don't smoke or chew pan).

Coming back to the point, the dentist has inserted bandage on my teeth which I am currently biting. I am advised to eat ice-cream after half an hour, eat the pain killer and eat curd rice for dinner. I am not supposed to spit but swallow. I tried doing that, and it felt as though I am sucking water from a cloth. So, I let it be. I try to wipe myself off and I see blood dripping from my mouth though with a thin consistency. Every now and then, I have been pushing it out through the bandage with my tongue instead of swallowing.

I made the dentist write an alternative pain killer just in case I don't get the first one. It must have looked really odd to the pharmacist, bandage between my teeth and speaking without opening my mouth. Managed to get the curd and ice-cream in the same way. The curd guy was really sweet. He knew I couldn't talk and we managed with little words and more of sign language.

Well, I am going to wear braces. You thought I have teeth like Tinu Anand? nah, it was just slightly prominent like Angelina Jolie's. (murder me Angelina!)

The last time J and I had been to the dentist, she had advised me against it saying I don't actually need it. I was seeing someone too and he also had felt the same way. J has been married for more than a year. The relationship did not work either. I have gone ahead with my life and life has revealed a new story each time. I had promised my parents that I would be married by early next year. This procedure may postpone it to the next year and this time, I don't care about any deadlines.

My immediate concern though, is handling my job. My profile includes writing and meeting a lot of people and giving presentations during induction and trainings. Yes, I have to push PPts down the throat of a lot of unsuspecting souls. I don't know how it is gong to be. One of my friends had scanty hair and she said that a lot of people would speak to her head and not her- their eyes unconsciously going to that part of her anatomy where nature has been unfair to. I don't want people talking to my braces.

Anyway, what I wanted to share was my compassion for those people who are disabled. I can understand how it must be to be paralyzed? With just my mouth numb, I felt very insecure even to walk in a known lane. I salute my team mate R. He is on a wheelchair and he is the most technically sound in the team. He has trained all of us on many tools and has been our source of inspiration.

The numbness on the lower lip has slightly subsided now. You guys take care as I say,"give me life, give me pain, give me myself again"