Thursday, October 21, 2004

lost love

"You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believeThis could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know
Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't speak I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands I sit and cry"
Some pains always have the power of novelty.

Took confident strides to that lane I had forbidden myself to tread. A new haircut, new glasses, new dress, even a new fragrance embodied. We crossed paths again. Shoulders shrugged and exchanged ‘hi!’ and moved on. Somewhere, the lurking pain prevailed.

I guess I need to put it out today and it’s gonna to be long. Blogging ethics be damned (length, font size ET el).
Well, they say at the flush of love, everybody becomes a poet. Mine is flushed so, I am no poet. Brains, I never had one. Even if I did, it’s gone for a date or to take a hike. I have moved on with life as everybody says I should. I have become a bald rolling stone and don’t even stop when I should. The fact is, the search never ends for a face once known, a face that I derived my strength from, a face that I loved once just about anywhere I hang out.

I knew him from the time I knew how to eye a guy. He was the one who saw me change from an oily haired college girl to a career woman. Had laughed and wiped the smudged eyeliner from my eyes when I first started using the darn make-up. The dreams we weaved and the way we tore it to shreds! Should I say it has left me mature? I guess so. I am a big flirt now. But sometimes I do wonder if ‘love me please, knock knock can you hear me?’ is written on my face or that I am just a tease or that fragile.

‘Just because we’ve been going around for almost 6 years doesn’t mean we still have to’, he had said and I said AMEN! And did my part. Perhaps I saw it coming. Perhaps, we didn’t want it anymore. Perhaps, my ego larger than the universe couldn’t take it that I would be dumped by my childhood or teen-age love. GOODBYE! Just one word and it has changed everything. Or has it?

Now, you are not supposed to know how he is doing? You are supposed to live your own life. You are free to flirt or date ‘n’ number of men, to cry yourself to sleep, to stand and stare at other couples like a street urchin does to the comforts of a family dinner.
People say, ’you discover yourself’ in such catastrophe. I guess I have done that too. I have time now to pusue my hobbies passionately, blog, read, dance. Find time for my girlfriends and collegemates whom I didn’t know existed. I have learnt to stand in a queue, to walk a lonely lane, to run around for everything that needs to be run around. I still have to learn to have coffee alone in Barista or Coffee Day. Hah!

Yes, I have discovered myself because I had to and I didn’t have a choice.
‘Wahi hai dagar,
Wahi hai Safar,
Hai nahi sath mere magar
Ab mera humsafar
Idhar udhar dhunde nazar
Wahi hai dagar
Kaha gayee wo shaame
Wo madhbhari wo mere
Mere wo din gaye kidhar
Najane kyun hota hain ye Zindagi ke saath
Achanak ye mann kisike jaane ke baad kare phir uski yaad, chotti chotti si baat…’
(blame it on the weather, the festive season and my cold guys. couldn't help it.)


:: S-a-t-z :: said...

Hey aru

It happens in life... LIFE IS LIKE THAT

May b u cld find some1 more intresting in ur dance class or in coffee shop!!!

hav gr8 weeknd..

Brajeshwar said...

Best wishes to your endeavors!

> I still have to learn to have coffee
> alone in Barista or Coffee Day. Hah!

Well, you will realize that that event is indeed cool. I do it very often, even walk along the beach alone, watch movies alone. What about vacationing alone!

Solitude is indeed a good companion if you know how to bank on it and reap the good things out of it.

And yes, you can also read Molly's Marriage Proposal at might give you an inspiration. Or think of this little piece of information. Seems women are more smarter than man these days with regards to innovative ideas.

"An Australian woman has invested $2000 on hiring a billboard for a month to find a husband. Helen Zou, 40, decided on the tactic after more traditional methods proved futile, says reports. The 'Husband Wanted' ad appeals for professinal men aged upto 45. The billboard, in Randwick, Sydney, states --- Beautiful intelligent Australian Chinese lady seeks to have dream family with a fabulous partner to enjoy a lifetime with ----.'

romila said...

Hey babe ,reminds me of a solitary "me" sipping "Cafe latte" in the busy MG road Coffee day a few years back. Happens in life-you leave things behind cos deep down you know whats best for you although they seem too much to take in esp. in a senti rainy day.

Cheer up and of course ,cry out,spill it out,scream ,get it off your mind. But dont let these momentary seasonal blues pull u down to a lost cause.

Brajeshwar said...

Another best way is have things to do and be busy, I remember replying "What, I don't have time to think of that!" when my sister asked me "Ain't you afraid staying all alone?"

Hemanshu said...

Hey girl,

Your current state of mind reminds me of the song "Missing" by Everything but the girl. But what you truly need to hear is "Someday I'll be saturday night" by Bon Jovi.

Coffee at Barista or CCD is meant to be had with friends anyways, esp. sharing a huge chunk of their chocolate cake with choc sauce. Yumm.. So grab 'J' and head on out there! :)

I know words cannot console you right now, so will stick around in silence, praying..

Surinder said...

maybe he was not the one ..

hmm .. well think like this .. everything that happens .. happpens for ur own good :) ..

take care .. keep smiling .. things will be just fine :)

s! said...

hey arunima

haven't read a better piece on being single for many years i think.. but its good to let it out sometimes, as you have.

a lot of times after an introspective downpour, you end up feeling worse.. in which case you know you haven't been too successful. i hope you're feeling better, and this really worked :-))


arvindiyer said...

Hey Arunima...well am sure by the time u get down to my comment..U must have already read all the good things that ppl had to say for the post...SO am not goin to say any more IT ALL HAPPENS FOR A REASON...stuff:) heheheh
Anyways..It can suck havin coffee alone in BArista and Coffee day...I would be in B'lore around the 10th of Nov...Wanna come for coffee? hehehe
*worth a shot don't u think* :) Peace and have a nice weekend...SMile away

Stone said...

its perfectly alright to look back and remember all those days...
no matter how busy one keeps himself/herself, what mind forgets..heart remembers.
so what if they bring back some tears......
so what....., woh bhi sach tha...yeh bhi sach hai.

Anamika said...

Dont be sad because it is over, be happy it happened.
Just carry the good memories, and live back the bitter one,

Tumara Dil Ek baar toota hai tho, hamara baar baar,
Thank god Bhagwaan ne sheshe se nahi banaya, warna abh tak kitna bypass surgery hota tha ha ha ha.

Chakshu said...

Unscrew it. Then screw it back. Thats the way Head works. Good you wrote.

Une Femme Folle said...

*hug*... i so know what you are going through, sweets, and i wont ask you to forget him, move on or other things that are so easy to say but so difficult to do, just hope that you learn to live without him, impossible though it seems right now.. wish that you find happiness with a better man, better because he loves you for what you are..

btw, by an amazing coincidence, am listening to the same song of Rajnigandha and marvelling at the truth of the lyrics..

MMN said...

Ooooh.. Is this supposed to be a senti post or is it just me? :D
Watching "Amelie" or "Life is Beautiful" should be in order for this time :)

makash said...

I was with someone for over 4 years. And then it got over. Am still not over her ( its been more than a year after that ). But slowly I picked up the pieces and tried to move on. But there are some things that helped me. Just sharing them with you.

Practical tips for my lonely heart
Things that just can't hurt

1. Gazing at the stars at night.
2. Listening to music on the walkman - it helps if the songs are new and hadn't been released when you were not alone.
3. Doing lots of reading. Doesn't matter reading what. Anything remotely interesting helps.
4. Going for long walks. Combine it with point no. 2 - even better.
5. Watching movies alone. C'mon its not that bad after a while. OK OK it sucks but atleast you get to see the movies.
6. Posting to my blog. And it helps when another kindered spirit stumbles onto it and then you can really share the pain.

makash said...

You inspired me to face my demons - a big thankyou :0)

Stone said...

Hima:: yeh song to "Chhoti Si Baat" movie se hai na? :-)
* sorry for diluting the post and ur comment *

Dreamcatcher said...

Take care.

shub said...

sometimes things do work out for the best a while you'll find someone nicer and move on...and trust me, you'll be glad u broke up with this guy of 6 years...i am not saying it jus for the heck of it...
i've seen it happen..i've seen my best buddy all torn up after breakin up from a long...well ,yup 6 year he's moved on...found someone else and is as happy as could be....