lost love

"You and me

We used to be together

Everyday together always

I really feel

That I'm losing my best friend

I can't believeThis could be the end

It looks as though you're letting go

And if it's real

Well I don't want to know
Don't speak

I know just what you're saying

So please stop explaining

Don't tell me cause it hurts

Don't speak I know what you're thinking

I don't need your reasons

Don't tell me cause it hurts
Our memories

Well, they can be inviting

But some are altogether Mighty frightening

As we die, both you and I

With my head in my hands I sit and cry"

Some pains always have the power of novelty.

Took confident strides to that lane I had forbidden myself to tread. A new haircut, new glasses, new dress, even a new fragrance embodied. We crossed paths again. Shoulders shrugged and exchanged ‘hi!’ and moved on. Somewhere, the lurking pain prevailed.

I guess I need to put it out today and it’s gonna to be long. Blogging ethics be damned (length, font size ET el).

Well, they say at the flush of love, everybody becomes a poet. Mine is flushed so, I am no poet. Brains, I never had one. Even if I did, it’s gone for a date or to take a hike. I have moved on with life as everybody says I should. I have become a bald rolling stone and don’t even stop when I should. The fact is, the search never ends for a face once known, a face that I derived my strength from, a face that I loved once just about anywhere I hang out.

I knew him from the time I knew how to eye a guy. He was the one who saw me change from an oily haired college girl to a career woman. Had laughed and wiped the smudged eyeliner from my eyes when I first started using the darn make-up. The dreams we weaved and the way we tore it to shreds! Should I say it has left me mature? I guess so. I am a big flirt now. But sometimes I do wonder if ‘love me please, knock knock can you hear me?’ is written on my face or that I am just a tease or that fragile.

‘Just because we’ve been going around for almost 6 years doesn’t mean we still have to’, he had said and I said AMEN! And did my part. Perhaps I saw it coming. Perhaps, we didn’t want it anymore. Perhaps, my ego larger than the universe couldn’t take it that I would be dumped by my childhood or teen-age love. GOODBYE! Just one word and it has changed everything. Or has it?

Now, you are not supposed to know how he is doing? You are supposed to live your own life. You are free to flirt or date ‘n’ number of men, to cry yourself to sleep, to stand and stare at other couples like a street urchin does to the comforts of a family dinner.

People say, ’you discover yourself’ in such catastrophe. I guess I have done that too. I have time now to pusue my hobbies passionately, blog, read, dance. Find time for my girlfriends and collegemates whom I didn’t know existed. I have learnt to stand in a queue, to walk a lonely lane, to run around for everything that needs to be run around. I still have to learn to have coffee alone in Barista or Coffee Day. Hah!

Yes, I have discovered myself because I had to and I didn’t have a choice.

‘Wahi hai dagar,
Wahi hai Safar,
Hai nahi sath mere magar
Ab mera humsafar
Idhar udhar dhunde nazar
Wahi hai dagar
Kaha gayee wo shaame
Wo madhbhari wo mere
Mere wo din gaye kidhar
Najane kyun hota hain ye Zindagi ke saath
Achanak ye mann kisike jaane ke baad kare phir uski yaad, chotti chotti si baat…’

(blame it on the weather, the festive season and my cold guys. couldn't help it.)