Friday, November 19, 2004

remember you?

I don’t have a better line to explicate my feelings for you. I never use verbally, words which define an intense emotion as ‘hate’ but with you, nothing has been normal and this is how I sum it up,
"I hate you but I like you cos I love you."

I know it surprises you to see my easy tears and laughters over the smallest of things. You, being a harbinger of all things that is wise, nice and polished.

Let me talk of the weather in all zest. Get crinky and ask me if I am a salesman to be bothered by it.

We belong to the same world, different dimensions, never meeting. You know it as well as I do and I despise it and long for it at the same time. This bonding that makes no sense or the sense in all the nonsense that happens between us.

We clashed like the clouds did brought together by the winds of chance. We were bound to drift apart someday but as I hear your voice, crisp, clear and almost arrogant with an ear charged with memories of days bygone, I realise the sense of familiarity that is much too stronger than the perception of change. Makes me feel sometimes that it would be possible to descend once more into those waters again. Flowing in a current which would lead me to you. Like a sapling, looking towards the sun for nourishment in the unrest of new growth.

But then I too wear the garments of pride and ego perhaps of a better fabric than yours and now I know I am a super female, the xxx chromosomed if you care to call that.

A mere male like you will never know how it feels to hold my hand or how lovable I am when I feel shy. Yes, I have all that in me and much more.

To you I am the fireball and I’ll fight each step word for word and perhaps pulse for pulse because one thing is sure
you are good at being bad and I am bad at being good.


25 comments:

Pallavi said...

this has brought back memories of the song "I hate myself for Loving you " by Sinnaed O connor !!

Anyways... breaking off is never easy but starting afresh is also not that tough :)

Anonymous said...

Three words -

uh-may-zing.

- Reshma.

Stone said...

"Kachhey rang utar jaane do....
mausam hai...guzar jaane do..."

Sudarshan said...

Wow! Did Laila Ali change her profession?? Ma'm your letter is packed with punches....but do you really intend to do this...I mean taking your love to the brink of a breakup by posting an open letter?????

Chakshu said...

Advertising Industry m'lady beckons you :)

Arunima said...

chakshu, I bow to thy call:-)

Arunima said...

Sudarshan, has she?
this is Arunima in gloves:-)

Akruti said...

"Chupchaap karti hain baatein jab teri ye khamoshiyaan"
Arunima,those were the words came to my head when i read the post,hugs to u dear,and if only we just can express what we feel at times,it certainly helps us,i maynot understand what's going on in u r head but then i just can be there and listen to u.
Sudharshan,no offense meant but dont u think its up to individuals to decide how to show their pain,someone go through it in silence,someone pour it out in words,maybe an open letter is also a way. :)
arunima, try smiling as ever,it helps,god bless.

Une Femme Folle said...

hugs honey.. please tell me its not what im thinking it is...

n this may sound incongruous, but you are an awesome writer!!

Surinder said...

hmm ... nice ... good that u got this out :)

thats the way to go :) ..

take care :) ..

Arunima said...

Thanks a lot guys.

Hima, hugs to you too. I hope I can live up to it:-)

Sudarshan said...

Oh oh! I forgot that I may have to wield swords with lecturers :) You are right Neelima, everybody has a way to express their feelings and here Arunima decided to jump into the ring....god save the poor soul! Just joking ladies....seriously, Arunima I wish you enough strength to sail through this tide...

Anonymous said...

this is very heartfelt arunima.. hope everything works out for you like you want it to.. :-)

despiteme said...

that post is familiar...its me LOL. Except i have way too much xxx factor and punch for punch, pulse for pulse is 2nd nature to me. So,i have great guy friends but not ONE bf. And you know what? It aint that bad. Life is good, its great, there is so much to experience without the draggy guy LOL. Am NOT a lesbian btw. Just totally free!!!! ....is also considering setting you up with a dear friend in bangalore...hmmmm

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
s! said...

hey arunima, at times like these there are no words we can or need to say.. writing it out like this is cathartic in itself. be strong, and we're there for you, all of us :-)

heylady said...

hi..don't know wat to say..turmoil within peace outside ,i guess its personal experience so no doubt theres so much intensity..see you around!

manuscrypts said...

ahem ahem "mere male" ??

josh said...

Aroos, do not fret. Dip your feet in a cold stream and walk on. True love will come after your footprints.

s! said...

ohhkayy!! this is not like the bubbly arunima i have come to know!! snap out of it honey!! :-))

Anonymous said...

Aapun jaise tapori ko kya malum yeh pyar kis chiriya ka nam hain.lukha giri karke aapna time pas hota hain.yeh pyar ka lafra locha kaheko.....?????

--paps

Arunima said...

salaam Bhai Paps! Kya hain na, Apun ka dil ka tyre thora puncture horella re.

Yeah Saurabh. This is not the bubbly girl you know. catch me soon in my bubbly self again.

Thank Joshua, Let me leave those footprints again and see.

ahem ahem Manus, 'mere male' Didn't get a better word to show the height of sarcasm:-)

Anonymous said...

:)
superb gussa.
but brilliant, yes.

austere

Braveheart said...

Didnt I tell you that 'a blog is about a state of mind'? :p
Btw, had there been one 'The Picture of Arunima', it'd have had a puzzled look :D

Akshaya

Crush said...

ouch!! ;-)

lots of abstraction...but nice....as a friendly advise...please don't challenge..okay? :p