And sometimes, you bleed just to know you are alive.
i am puking, i am crying, i am bleeding,
until i am left with no strength
it is not just the pain, it is also the fear that it may take away my dreams, bleed them away forever...
i curl up to a ball as if this would help me stop my insides from tearing apart
you look at me concerned, while i look at you through the excruciating pain, knowing you cannot bear half the pain that i am going through
my insides turn, they ache and scream,
my heart pounds everywhere, louder than ever
As you hold me tight, i know i am not ready to die...no, not... just... yet
perhaps, the dreams will take wings again.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
I want some drama
squint your eyes and look closer
I'm not between you and your ambition
I am a poster girl with no poster
I am thirty-two flavors and then some
and I'm beyond your peripheral vision
so you might want to turn your head
cause someday you're going to get hungry
and eat most of the words you just said
What else do you expect in life after having a good job and a good husband? Mom and my mother-in-law will reply 'a child' i am sure, but that is not my point.
I think I need some drama in my life.
The weather is so nice right now that I am nostalgic and wish to go home. The thought of going home puts me in a dilemma. I don't know 'home' means in-laws' place or mom's place and what kind of scheming or debating i must go through to stay where i want.
Wonder what 'value add' marriage has brought in my life other than some more responsibilities. hmph!
My English teacher in 6th standard explained asparagus to be something that we eat in my state, called 'Yaipan' in the local dialect. (We make pakoras and some curry out of it. ) I did a Google search a couple of years back to realise that what we eat is not asparagus, but something else. It is another form of arrowroot and not asparagus. Those were the days when we had no internet and teachers could say anything they wanted, and Amrika was so far away.
Talking about Amrika, i am going to Tamil Nadu to meet my brother and his family. They are settled there. If I can talk about Amrika, i can talk about Tamil Nadu.
Me and some colleagues wanted to visit Goa. I have been wishing to visit this place while S feels it is overhyped. I had even started imagining myself walking on the beach, promenading peacefully under a blamelessly blue sky, drinking Fenny or some fruit juice. One by one the colleagues dropped out and one male colleague and I were left. Knowing that our respective spouses are not so kind to allow just the two of us go ahead, Goa got shelved. Now, I have to beg S to take me by December at least. How much pride I had in announcing that I am off to Goa with colleagues!
So, I am off to TN to meet the nephew. I am giving some bonding time to S and pa-in-law (ma-in-law has left). Let the father-son duo gossip about women if they want.
and god help you if you are an ugly girl
course too pretty is also your doom
cause everyone harbors a secret hatred
for the prettiest girl in the room
and god help you if you are a pheonix
and you dare to rise up from the ash
a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy
while you are just flying back
I'm not trying to give my life meaning by demeaning you
and I would like to state for the record
I did everything that I could do
I'm not saying that I'm a saint
I just don't want to live that way no,
I will never be a saint but I will always say~ 32 Flavours, Ani Difranco.
I'm not between you and your ambition
I am a poster girl with no poster
I am thirty-two flavors and then some
and I'm beyond your peripheral vision
so you might want to turn your head
cause someday you're going to get hungry
and eat most of the words you just said
What else do you expect in life after having a good job and a good husband? Mom and my mother-in-law will reply 'a child' i am sure, but that is not my point.
I think I need some drama in my life.
The weather is so nice right now that I am nostalgic and wish to go home. The thought of going home puts me in a dilemma. I don't know 'home' means in-laws' place or mom's place and what kind of scheming or debating i must go through to stay where i want.
Wonder what 'value add' marriage has brought in my life other than some more responsibilities. hmph!
My English teacher in 6th standard explained asparagus to be something that we eat in my state, called 'Yaipan' in the local dialect. (We make pakoras and some curry out of it. ) I did a Google search a couple of years back to realise that what we eat is not asparagus, but something else. It is another form of arrowroot and not asparagus. Those were the days when we had no internet and teachers could say anything they wanted, and Amrika was so far away.
Talking about Amrika, i am going to Tamil Nadu to meet my brother and his family. They are settled there. If I can talk about Amrika, i can talk about Tamil Nadu.
Me and some colleagues wanted to visit Goa. I have been wishing to visit this place while S feels it is overhyped. I had even started imagining myself walking on the beach, promenading peacefully under a blamelessly blue sky, drinking Fenny or some fruit juice. One by one the colleagues dropped out and one male colleague and I were left. Knowing that our respective spouses are not so kind to allow just the two of us go ahead, Goa got shelved. Now, I have to beg S to take me by December at least. How much pride I had in announcing that I am off to Goa with colleagues!
So, I am off to TN to meet the nephew. I am giving some bonding time to S and pa-in-law (ma-in-law has left). Let the father-son duo gossip about women if they want.
and god help you if you are an ugly girl
course too pretty is also your doom
cause everyone harbors a secret hatred
for the prettiest girl in the room
and god help you if you are a pheonix
and you dare to rise up from the ash
a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy
while you are just flying back
I'm not trying to give my life meaning by demeaning you
and I would like to state for the record
I did everything that I could do
I'm not saying that I'm a saint
I just don't want to live that way no,
I will never be a saint but I will always say~ 32 Flavours, Ani Difranco.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
It cannot get more eventful
i did not understand why Karnataka, a BJP-ruled government declared a state holiday when the AP CM expired. is it because our airport is so far away that AP has been considering that it is theirs and since our airport can be part of AP, AP can be part of Karnataka? This doesn't make sense? then, please explain the holiday.
Anyway, i am going to start house-hunting again. yeah, it is a good way to spend your weekends. call up and visit one or two projects, come back and sleep over it. i am seriously planning to start another blog and review the projects. i have seen at least 60 to 70 projects in Bangalore.
The last time, we had finalised on a project and almost booked it. Suddenly, S' company stopped paying his salary. Bah, we were prepared for a salary cut, but 'no salary' was life-altering.
We had to change the game plan. From house-hunting to job-hunting, and this mental shift was really difficult for me. i braced myself to be the sole income earner for a few months. i was stressed that i shopped a lot. got some 6 pairs of new shoes and a lot of clothes during those months.
Then my organization started to play ping pong. re-org after re-org happened and i am in a new project with a new person under a new manager. Then the family played sick-sick. First it was ma-in-law and S, then pa-in-law. The baton was passed back and forth, until it reached me. With the Swine flu scare around, the past few months have been only about visiting the doctor every other weekend. i feel like writing about the experiences with the different docs that we visited too, but let me save it for another day. i only know, life has been really eventful these past months and i am going to start house-hunting again. jai hind!
Anyway, i am going to start house-hunting again. yeah, it is a good way to spend your weekends. call up and visit one or two projects, come back and sleep over it. i am seriously planning to start another blog and review the projects. i have seen at least 60 to 70 projects in Bangalore.
The last time, we had finalised on a project and almost booked it. Suddenly, S' company stopped paying his salary. Bah, we were prepared for a salary cut, but 'no salary' was life-altering.
We had to change the game plan. From house-hunting to job-hunting, and this mental shift was really difficult for me. i braced myself to be the sole income earner for a few months. i was stressed that i shopped a lot. got some 6 pairs of new shoes and a lot of clothes during those months.
Then my organization started to play ping pong. re-org after re-org happened and i am in a new project with a new person under a new manager. Then the family played sick-sick. First it was ma-in-law and S, then pa-in-law. The baton was passed back and forth, until it reached me. With the Swine flu scare around, the past few months have been only about visiting the doctor every other weekend. i feel like writing about the experiences with the different docs that we visited too, but let me save it for another day. i only know, life has been really eventful these past months and i am going to start house-hunting again. jai hind!
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