“The heart is a lonely hunter with only one desire to find some lastin' comfort in the arms of a lover's fire” – A song for Bobby Long
I have loved, I have lost and I have loved again and I am glad I took those chances. The Karans that I coffeed with, while I was looking out for that perfect love and perfect relationship made my existence meaningful though I couldn't really give an appellation beyond the the very passe, 'friendship'. There will be stories to tell and moments to re-live through my grandchildren. (Could be grandchild. Government might adopt the one-child policy.)
I know I have not been fair to someone. Another time, another place, I’d have loved to love him, the way love is meant to be. When everything is so perfect, you tend to seek imperfection and pain. Maybe, I just did that.
Looking back, I am thankful to the guy who claimed that he is very selfish and an asshole and told me not to trust him. I am thankful to him for proving his own words. I wouldn’t have known so much happiness if it was not for him. Somehow, he never met my emotional requirements and if he was mean, I was meaner. For each new girl he befriended, I befriended 2 guys. He was stronger than me ultimately and I ended up hurting myself. But as always, there was a new beginning… in the form of another guy and I met my fiancé. (laughs!)
Well, I wanted to write about the fiancé (henceforth, S) and I don’t know where I have headed. It is one of those online relationships that worked. (Are you reading this Stone? You have got company.) He mailed me through my blog (now he doesn’t care and I am sure he doesn’t even remember the URL). I didn’t have to tell him about my past, present or the future. He is very level headed and sometimes challenges my beliefs and has managed to knock some sense to me.
I always wanted a Rhett Butler kind of a guy but he is good only in a novel.
Now, I don’t really think I have been mean. I don’t really remember that I have ever been hurt.