Monday, March 30, 2009

womencipated?

Don't know why the title! It is the word that came to mind when I thought of posting.

When I went home for vacation to my small home town, I came to know that 2 of my seniors in school are divorced. One is a doctor and was a brilliant student and the other is a successful, and well-known journo. In my current org, two of my colleagues are divorcees. 3 of my colleagues in the ex-office were divorcees. All three were under 30, without children. Some of them are extremely good looking and are wonderful people to work with. J had 3 lady managers out of 5, who were divorcees. Another colleague has 2 of her friends who are divorcees. One was married for three months, and another for one and a half years. Sometimes, I do wonder if this is what we call emancipation of women, independent and ambitious or their continuing victimization, forced to walk out of marriage because of domestic violence and harassment?

I am a feminist up to an extent. I believe that rather than being in a painful marriage, it is better to walk out and find your own place and voice. I don't know if these are cases of women going ahead of their male counterparts adapting with the changing times and the males being left behind, or something else.

After hearing about all these people and after seeing many of them happen in my own circle however, I don’t know if I should rejoice that women have finally found their courage to stand up for themselves for their rights or worry that with the new found courage and independence, people have forgotten to compromise.
****

I left my phone number on some property sites while I was searching for an apartment. Now, the buggers have shared my number with whom I don't know. I get an sms update on some fart shop being opened in Jayanagar and Vijaynagar too.
***

Work has been really hectic. I felt I earned every penny the hard way this month.

17 comments:

austere said...

Different lives.

Good abt work, though.

wishes galore said...

a thought to wonder, indeed..but it is always better to have a choice to leave rather than surviving in any abused relationship without any option..n it is this strength to opt/choose that brings freedom..

enjoy your hard-earned money,dear!!!!

Thangjam said...

I know of women who have put up with bad husbands and bad marriages just to avoid the term "divorcee"--at the end of the day, is it worth the pain, the emotional battering? i think the women who made the choice to follow their own paths deserve kudos for their sheer strength...

Anonymous said...

I for sure, know that these women have given their best (compromised) and then walked out. Saying this becoz I have known some "Divorcees" who have done all and then quit. Now they are better off.

Being single girl at '28' itself is like a weird in India..imagine what a divorcee has to go through!!!

It takes immense strength to walk out of a marriage!

Shruti SriHarsha said...

Good thought:)
This is something which worries me at times...
My best fren got divorced within a yr of her marriage, it was a SHOCK!! But she suffered...
Another point is "COMPROMISE" as you say, which is an important ingredient, else it just does'nt look better..I compromise tons, in my daily life!!!

Cynic in Wonderland said...

earlier women expected men to be the financial providers. now since they are self sufficient, the need is much more intangible - and can differ from woman to woman. thus mismatched expectations and what have you. on the other side, there are conflicting expectations FROM the woman - the coy bahu and the aggressive worker-bee. leads to lot of wear and tear i expect

Arunima said...

@Anonymous: I agree many have suffered and they are better off divorced, but the increasing number is what scares me and propels these questions.

I think Cynic made a good point here.

Pallavi said...

Yeah, i get more divorce news than anniversary invites.. Sigh.. its depressing..

AmitL said...

Hi,Arunima-this was somewhat disturbing-I read about so many divorce(e)s after quite some time...but,then,maybe it's the changing times which are at fault? Less time spent with each other, more hectic pace of life at work,more ego hassles coming to the phone when both are working,etc?It's quite a topic!!
--
LOL-there's actually something called a 'fart shop'?Does it cure or cause?(Of course,cause could simply mean a samosa-bhajiya stall being promoted in a dignified manner!!ROFL)

P said...

I totally agree with Cynic.
Girls who are financially independent and doing powerful jobs have higher expectations to be treated as equals at home. But unfortunately not all guys (or their families) realize that. They get attracted by the girl's achievements but still expect her to be the "good wife" who'll do most of the work at home, be sweet all the time, be understanding, obedient etc etc. I guess walking out of that relationship seems better than feeling disrespected everyday. Its easier too as we don't have to think "who will feed me?". And I guess society (at least the urban society) is also relatively less harsh to single, independent women than it used to be.

venkat said...

These many divorces in India is a news to me.How do one know that all these women had given their best( compromised) and then left? This sounds to me that fault is with men always. Probably most,but not all the time. Both men and women compromise less and expect more.

AmitL said...

Err..typo..that word in my comment is 'fore' not 'phone':)

Arunima said...

@Amitl: I got it Amit. :-) Infact, I make such mistakes in a hell lot of blogs as I normally read them at work. ha ha ha.

regarding the ads, yes, you can say I am getting smses for those bhaji shops too. haha,but I liked your interpretation and you are the only one to have commented on that.

Suspended Animation said...

Hey Arunima,

I've moved to http://www.shantanuadhicary.com/blog

kesa2ran said...

divorce rate :
Yes young women are now breaking free from the barriers !
That's a good sign :)

May not satify the traditional people but its good for a women to live for herself first , next the family !

Xeb said...

"I thought I was quite assertive. Well, that was until I met my mother-in-law."

Haha! :P

White Magpie said...

Yaar..why is this so sexist? There are a lot of dudes out there who are stuck too. Easy to call it lack of guts etc but there surely are a lot of factors with more weightage than guts.

At least you have work ;)