when being in love has burned away

"When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No... don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away. Doesn't sound very exciting, does it? But it is!"

Captain Corelli's Mandolin.

"We spend our whole life trying to stop death. Eating, inventing, loving, praying, fighting, killing. But what do we really know about death? Just that nobody comes back. Then there comes a point - a moment - in life when your mind outlives its desires, its obsessions, when your habits survive your dreams, and when your losses... Maybe death is a gift."

The Life of David Gale

(un)comfortably numb

The lane was lonely and I walked with my mouth covered with my hands. Suddenly a car stopped beside me and I was shit scared. How would I scream if they try to misbehave? Why the hell did I wear a sleeveless top today? Nothing happened, I walked pass the car and then I see a group of guys standing and looking at me and I get the same fear again, damn insecure.

I am on local anesthesia and I cannot open my lips. Rather, I should say I cannot close them though I can bite my teeth. I feel that both my cheeks, my nose and my lips are swollen though the mirror shows all signs of normalcy.

I write this post with this numbness while Bangalore is busy banging its head to Iron Maiden. I got four of my pre-molars extracted. We have only 4 pre-molars right? In that case from today, I am a pre-molarless lady. Along with my teeth, the dentist also successfully extracted a lot of money. I may end up spending close to 30 k on my teeth, some of which are manufacturing defects, some which happened while growing up. (No, I don't smoke or chew pan).

Coming back to the point, the dentist has inserted bandage on my teeth which I am currently biting. I am advised to eat ice-cream after half an hour, eat the pain killer and eat curd rice for dinner. I am not supposed to spit but swallow. I tried doing that, and it felt as though I am sucking water from a cloth. So, I let it be. I try to wipe myself off and I see blood dripping from my mouth though with a thin consistency. Every now and then, I have been pushing it out through the bandage with my tongue instead of swallowing.

I made the dentist write an alternative pain killer just in case I don't get the first one. It must have looked really odd to the pharmacist, bandage between my teeth and speaking without opening my mouth. Managed to get the curd and ice-cream in the same way. The curd guy was really sweet. He knew I couldn't talk and we managed with little words and more of sign language.

Well, I am going to wear braces. You thought I have teeth like Tinu Anand? nah, it was just slightly prominent like Angelina Jolie's. (murder me Angelina!)

The last time J and I had been to the dentist, she had advised me against it saying I don't actually need it. I was seeing someone too and he also had felt the same way. J has been married for more than a year. The relationship did not work either. I have gone ahead with my life and life has revealed a new story each time. I had promised my parents that I would be married by early next year. This procedure may postpone it to the next year and this time, I don't care about any deadlines.

My immediate concern though, is handling my job. My profile includes writing and meeting a lot of people and giving presentations during induction and trainings. Yes, I have to push PPts down the throat of a lot of unsuspecting souls. I don't know how it is gong to be. One of my friends had scanty hair and she said that a lot of people would speak to her head and not her- their eyes unconsciously going to that part of her anatomy where nature has been unfair to. I don't want people talking to my braces.

Anyway, what I wanted to share was my compassion for those people who are disabled. I can understand how it must be to be paralyzed? With just my mouth numb, I felt very insecure even to walk in a known lane. I salute my team mate R. He is on a wheelchair and he is the most technically sound in the team. He has trained all of us on many tools and has been our source of inspiration.

The numbness on the lower lip has slightly subsided now. You guys take care as I say,"give me life, give me pain, give me myself again"

The bride's sister

Samah ye hain suhana...

...Deewane tum ho, deewane hum hain

Organised by CARE India.

Location: Hoskote, 24 kms away from Bangalore.
Charges: 350 per head.

Fear: Having to sign an agreement saying you are responsible for any eventuality and leaving an emergency contact no.

After being airborne for sometime, when thoughts start to wander and wonder…what if the rope snaps?
Fun: The first few minutes as you become airborne and your spirits soar.

Manipuri bride- My sis

Her over-smart little sister (me ofcourse) has messed up with the quality. For the time being, kindly adjust.

I am editing this post instead of replying to the comments. For any Manipuri wedding, the costume is hired. So, the costume people bring along the jewellery too which are of standard designs. That is one thing which I like about this culture. Whether you are rich or poor, you look like a princess on your day.

Coming back to my sis, she did not wear all her jewellery but went for the traditional ones.

plans

There are some people in front of whom you shouldn’t open your mouth. One of them is a dentist. Today, I just opened my mouth and pat went 500 Rs.

V, my colleague has become a mother to a baby girl. I was the only one to say that it would be a girl. She is extremely happy. Another 3 team mates are going to become parents -a very productive team. After my predictions for V, all of them are lining up to ask me. One thing which I like is that people are starting to wish for baby girls.

Me and P had gone to get some gifts for the baby and the experience left me wishing for something else. No, not kids but a dog instead. Baby clothes and baby care stuffs were bloody expensive. One small quilt was 2000 bucks, one small pillow was 300 bucks, dresses just the size of your palm were between 300 and 650.

I had two dogs at home (still have one) and I know it is not a cheap affair but at least dogs won’t be bathing everyday even if you buy dog shampoos. They don't need clothes or jewellery unless you are some nerdy celebrity. You don’t need to bear the yellow stinky ... of the little ones. Being in India, we can easily toilet train the dog to do it anywhere as long as it is not inside our own houses.

But how I love children! And how I tried to bribe my niece and nephew with presents when I went home!

To overcome this confusion, I am going Para sailing tomorrow. I told this to Claytonia Vices and he immediately sent me a video of accidents that happen while parasailing. Thanks for the encouragement Claytonia, I hate you!