Friday, March 25, 2005

meeting him again

As he narrated the incident over the phone, his voice choked and not much audible between tears, I felt I should be with him. He turned me down and said he wanted to be alone for some days. On my insistence, he agreed to meet me yesterday. I did not lose my cool; comforted him called up ‘J’ and broke down. It hurt to know what he must have gone through.

They had gone for a picnic, 13 of them. On the way, they stopped for breakfast and started taking pictures. He had just crossed the road to give lime to a friend who was not feeling well. Suddenly from nowhere, an upturned lorry skidded towards them. He saw and reacted on time pulling the girl along with him but as he turned back, found one of his friend death on the spot and another girlfriend under it’s weight. One of her limbs got cut and separated just above the ankle and an eye-ball was smashed. He and another friend held her hand willing her to hold on to life for just a little longer as she lost consciousness. They sat helpless by her side as they rushed from one less-equipped hospital to another and were left helpless even when she died of brain damage.

Perhaps, he was right in shutting me off. As much as I would, he might need courage to meet me again amidst the trauma and the tragedy. There were times, I stared at his bike for minutes just to hide if I saw him come and hence, apprehension enveloped me as I went to meet my much remembered boyfriend with a prefix 'ex' yesterday.

Would I realize how much I have matured over the past year, having gone ahead and allowed myself to fall in and out of love, imagine getting married to someone else and even being happy or be surprised that I could still feel and care for him deeply?

Everything was the same and I was not surprised to feel both. He wore a blue checked shirt to which I had often commented, ”Guys know only one color-blue” and I was in a light green and off-white salwar suit which he had seen meaning it was atleast two years old. Time changes people or people change with time.

I sat next to him and listened with pain about the pictures they had taken minutes before the accident with the two deceased smiling. He looked very handsome, tired, fragile and almost lovable but I could not ease the ostensibly lacking comfort level between us. Even if I wanted to, the tenderness and the innocence that once existed hung in the air, out of place. I tapped his knee and brushed his hair slightly as I bade goodbye.

He smsed as I reached my bus, ”You are still the caring person I always knew. Take care.”

Glad I still care for him. Glad I moved on. Glad I know the importance of today to appreciate what I have and to hold on to it. Glad I realize I should smell my rose before it wilts. Damned if I win, Damned if I lose. People fail, love doesn’t!!!

29 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have personally seen an accident where someone died and I remember that it was very traumatic ..to see someone die suddenly...
and glad you moved on..
Dreamcatcher

Akruti said...

I am so sorry for what happened,it is so painful.and glad to know what u felt.ya,moving on is part of life,and i am happy for u.life gives u a fewer choice,it is upto us to grab on to it and make the best of life.God bless u and takecare.

s! said...

i remember reading somewhere once.. that you know you had a good relationship when you can look back at it and smile..

maybe sometimes moving on is the right thing to do.. keep your chin up arunima :-)

d4u said...

Really sorry for what happened..and i can understand how painful it would have been.
Moving on is the decision we make cos we think that that was the most appropriate decision to take at that point of time. So its gud. Take care.

Acoustic Dreamer said...

Girl, that last line brought me to tears whom I was courageously holding back as I read through your post. I have nothing else to say. I wish you Deep Silence.

Acoustic Dreamer said...

Girl, that last line brought me to tears whom I was courageously holding back as I read through your post. I have nothing else to say. I wish you Deep Silence.

|| sbk || said...

Heartbreaks last as long as you want and cut as deep as you allow them to go.
The challenge is not how to survive heartbreaks but to learn from them.

Sorry to hear about the accident.

Kishore said...

Words can't soothe the loss of a dear one. And I know it personally.. I only pray all the bereaved get enough strength to pass over this.. Time is the healer!

makash said...

don't want to sound insensitive or something but - if ever you doubted the depth of feeling for this person you won't anymore. that you still can communicate in times when clarity of thought is low and emotions cloud everything else is awe-inspiring. 'tis a brave thing to do.

makash - was rambler in some past life.

Vishnu said...

Seeing a tragdey live,is the worst thing to happen.Sometimes,for someone who surivived,it can be one of the best.Life gets a bigger meaning starting from that day.Hope he takes the best and move on.

Hemanshu said...

Really sorry to hear about the accident.. take care.

manuscrypts said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
manuscrypts said...

stopped reading midway..:(

Manish said...

Such a sad end of the young lives. Your friend will take ages to normalize. And he will need friends like you for that.

Anonymous said...

@ Manuscrypts: :-(
~ Arunima

Braveheart said...

What travels through the heart always comes out so beautifully! I know - Love lasts forever!
Akshaya

Ektz said...

I totally agree with the last sentence. People fail, relationship fail, LOVE never fails!!

Good blog you have here!

Stone said...

People fail, love doesn’t!!! ....hmmmm.

Anonymous said...

hi arunima,
lost a friend to an highway accident recently...
sathya

Kishna said...

I stopped reading midway and had to finish it later. Too painful to read.. !! :(

I am glad that you were able to move on. Many, including me find it very hard to do it.

...And I adored the last sentence of your post.

Take Care Arunima.

AmitKen said...

Hi!!

" People fail, love doesn’t!!! "

thats so true.

Surinder said...

good to read that u still care .. and you have moved on :)

"Glad I realize I should smell my rose before it wilts" .. just wow :)

Mr. Maverick said...

The accident news was depressing indeed.

But its good to know that you have moved on and imagine yourself happy :).

sal said...

hi there, bloghopped from neelima's. Nice entries. And your previous entry on 'women' just made me felt unwoman-ish. hah.

keep blogging.

nits said...

"Damned if I win, Damned if I lose. People fail, love doesn’t!!!"

You are so right!! Love never fails, relations do, Love never lets you down, people do, Love never hurts, people do.

I am glad, you did the right thing by being with him, when he needed you.
Well done, lady!!

Nihar said...

ah! amor`

Nupur said...

Arunima, you are brave, far braver than I am.....
Because I am probably the opposite of you... I find it very very hard to forgive if my heart is broken. And thats probably why I have lost some friends in the past. I think I dont give up too easily but when I do, its permanent.....

Good on you girl!!!

Pallavi said...

Take it from me... who has been through this... you will get over it and will live well... but watch out for surprises like this :)

I have kept a very healthy distance from my Ex... and still do... :(

really sad to hear about the accident... so tragic... so unnecessary.. may go rest their soul.. I can only imagine what must be going through him !!

@.I>.]--[.I........ said...

hey r u dhruv's sister from MZNagar ?
plz reply