Love actually

Rows and floes of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons evrywhere
I’ve looked at clouds that way
But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way
I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It’s cloud illusions I recall
I really dont know clouds at all

Moons and junes and ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I’ve looked at love that way
But now its just another show
You leave em laughing when you go
And if you care, don’t let them know
Don’t give yourself away

This song by Joni Mitchelle is one of the OSTs of Love Actually. Karen (Emma Thompson) comes to know her husband is perhaps, having an affair and confronts him.
Karen: Imagine your husband bought a gold necklace and come Christmas gave it to somebody else...Would you wait around to find out if it's just a necklace, or if it's sex and a necklace, or if worst of all it's a necklace and love? Would you stay, knowing life would always be a little bit worse? Or would you cut and run?
Harry: Oh, God. I am so in the wrong. The classic fool.
Karen: [voice breaking] Yes, but you've also made a fool out of me, and you've made the life I lead foolish too.

I’ve looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It’s loves illusions I recall
I really don’t know love at all
Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say I love you right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I’ve looked at life that way
(edited the post. Some of you read it and mailed me. I cried posting it but felt miserable after putting it up. I thought if I should die today, this is not what I want to leave behind. I know many of you would have read through the readers but that is ok. I just didn't want it to be here anymore. :-) )

there is something about mother-in-law

How can an update about a marriage be complete without talking about the mother in-law? So here I go…My hard rock-loving-guitar-playing-meat-eating-at-the-drop-of-a-hat-alcohol-sipping-and-not-so-religious husband has got a Hari-Om-Hari-Om-Chanting mother. So between the two extremes, I went eiyeiya karung mein kya suku suku.

First lesson, she told me not to take the husband’s name. Not taking the name is ok but in Manipur, women often address their husbands as brother. I came to know that Malayalis and some other communities also practise this. A lovelorn gentleman would be writing to his ladylove like this,

” Dear Sister,
Ever since I saw you, my heart has been going ping pong...
I hope my dearest sister would understand my feelings. I shall wait for you in the Love Nest restaurant.

Your loving brother “
So, until we have a kid in which case, S would be Chintoo ke papa or Meenu ke papa, we would be bhai ben. S intervened and said, ‘nothing doing!’ and I was saved from calling him 'brother'. However, I did not take his name in front of her. So the conversations went,”Please come here. Food is ready. Please bring that”. I used to do this to my sister when we fought. “Mom said food is ready” with a straight face and not address her directly.

The next thing was about religion. The world and everything else came from Hari and therefore, I must entrust my life to him. Then she also added that once you are married, your husband is your God. I don’t know if S was getting promoted to Hari or Hari was getting demoted to S. So, mission ‘please the mom-in-law’ was like conquering Saichen. For the few days that I was with her, I entrusted my life to Hari and hoped that he would do something to please her. There were rituals to be followed everyday starting from having to change clothes many times and worshipping God (many, including Hari) a number of times.

One day, she asked me to cook and just sat in the kitchen. My! I cook fairly well but this was judgement day. I was very conscious even about the way I was holding the knife and cutting vegetables. Suddenly, my mom’s advice from the past years came to mind. “Some families, cook like this, some people like being served like this. See that the utensils do not make much noise when you cook or serve. Never say that you do it like this but always ask your mom-in-law how it has to be done.” I think every mother trains her daughter from day one to be a daughter-in-law. I used to hate it and say, "I’ll do it when I have to and I‘ll manage even if I don’t know", but finally her words became handy because my mom-in-law gave me tips on how she does things.

I am back to my shorts, T shirts, boiled eggs and Maggie, cook only one meal a day, that too with S helping me most of the time and pray ( a short one) before I leave for work and not at dawn. I know I could never live up to my mom-in-law’s expectations. She said she cooked for 17 people from the day she got married. The max I cooked was for 11 people and that gave me a severe back ache later as I am not conditioned. Those were her values and the only yardstick for measuring someone and I don’t really mind. Infact, she told me, “I know you are not going to follow many of the things that I do here but I just wanted you to know them”.

S knows I have failed and failed miserably, but he is mighty pleased because I tried. I also sing Usha Uthup’s song, ‘Hari Om Hari’ when I think of my mom-in-law.

And in your life...

“…and in your life my infinite dreams live. “ ~ Pablo Neruda

The wedding happened and I got upgraded from Miss to Mrs. Our traditional dress, I must say costume for the wedding, is very heavy and I had a tough time wearing it. On top of that, there was a lot of jewelery and many shiny things on the head. I could exactly feel how it must be in the olden days, having to look slim by wearing tight gowns and corsets and two maids helping them tighten the waist. In my case however, it was not to look slim but to ensure that it stays where it is supposed to stay. The lower part of the wedding dress is too heavy and has a tendency of slipping down if not tied properly. So, the waist was pulled so tight until I felt I cannot breathe anymore. Sis was worried and gave me glucose syrup and some energy drinks to hold on. I did enjoy the experience of dressing up as a bride in spite of all these.

People kept coming, photo sessions kept on happening, and the priest started his religious Mumbo Jumbo in Sanskrit, which made no sense to me. Finally, he spoke in Manipuri and said,” this is for your good luck as you step into holy matrimony. Think of a calf drinking milk, a calm sea, think of pure ghee, milk, honey, feel their aromas, think of sweet smelling bunch of flowers, a white horse, a white pigeon etc. and see on which side of your nose you can breathe easier and step with that foot first. “

Stepping with my right foot first, I was let out to the mantap (wedding hall). I had to bow and show respect to all elders, dad and seek their blessings before I sat next to the groom. Our hands were tied, and over a wooden stand, a clay plate consisting of fruits, grains, dhoti was placed. It seems it signifies that we are going to bear everything in life together. That moment when our hands were tied together, and the priest started the prayers along with my dad, things actually started making sense. I knew this was it, this would mean something that would last forever and that he would mean more to me as the days go by. I did not have the guts to look at him but just looked at our hands tied together and said a prayer, “Bind us together Lord, with cords that cannot be broken, bind us together in love. “


Then I had to go around him 7 times and after each circle, shower flowers and bow to him. How much he must have enjoyed it! I sneaked a glance and it was so funny to see him sitting straight and acting very serious, and unaffected by all the flowers being showered. After this, garlands were exchanged. The garlands are made of jasmine flowers only and it has to be made by the bride herself in the morning. The bride garlands both the to the groom. The groom removes one, and garlands it to her.

We bowed to one and all once more and went inside to exchange beetle leaves and nuts, and a traditional Manipuri sweet with each other and with many relatives and sought blessings. The vidai (send off) happened all in a rush and I did not get time to even feel that I am leaving home forever. Whatever tear that was threatening to fall was also stopped. I was advised that the make-up would be ruined as I have to go to the guy’s house.

I was received at the guys place by his mother and two more ladies. People from the bride's side were served refreshments. While leaving, dad touched my forehead and blessed me. Suddenly, the tears came. My uncles, aunties and brothers followed my dad. Eyes cast low, and head bowed, I recognised each person from their voices and cried. Sis did not say anything but just sat next to me and cried quitely. When we were younger, she has always been the one to whom I went whenever there was a problem. Somehow, in that silence and the tears, I felt she understood me still like she always did.

My friends and relatives left and then, it was the turn of the girls from the groom's side. A bevy of girls just flocked in. One told me to eat something, one told me to look up, one fired a volley of questions. I had never met any of them. I had seen his sister in the photos but the engagement happened between elders in Imphal and we exchanged rings here. I never got the chance to know any of them and so, everything was in a daze. After sometime, I saw him enter the room to take something and then I felt, there is a familiar face, there is someone I know. The dard-de-disco in my heart stopped and I calmed down.

P.S: I have put up my snaps because I have been whitewashed with layers of makeup and even my Manager will not know that it is me :-)