Blow

"So in the end, was it worth it? Jesus Christ. How irreparably changed my life has become. It's always the last day of summer and I've been left out in the cold with no door to get back in. I'll grant you I've had more than my share of poignant moments. Life passes most people by while they're making grand plans for it. Throughout my lifetime, I've left pieces of my heart here and there. And now, there's almost not enough to stay alive. But I force a smile, knowing that my ambition far exceeded my talent. There are no more white horses or pretty ladies at my door. "
~ George (Johnny Depp)
The ending lines of the movie, Blow.

Of late, I find Johnny Depp to be one among my kind of handsome actors.

I used to go Keanu Reeves Keanu Reeves, George Clooney George Clooney and the Robinhood guy, Kevin Costner.

In the current list, the others are:

Joaquin Phoenix (I even like the name in his case),
Leonardo DiCaprio(I watched Titanic and Romeo & Juliet first before coming across Basketball diaries and Gilbert Grape, and thought he is a chocolate hero but, he has more meat than that)
Edward Norton (Watch Painted Veil to believe me. I am having a huge crush on him.)

I have watched almost all the movies by these actors.

The election and the middle class dreams

My name did not appear in the Voters’ list.
Disappointed!

I have never voted in my life and really wanted to do it this time. Submitted the forms through the VotedeIndia corporate initiatives. I think I selected the wrong constituency and ward no. in the form. I am crazy and I live in a crazier locality is my thinking. It is neither-here-nor-there kind of a place. Google map was a little dicey and it did not throw up the right constituency. I reconfirmed with my landlord and also the neighbor and both of them said that what I have selected is right. Apparently, it was not so. I am angry with the Landlord, the neighbor, myself and, everything else in between.

Humko Vote dena mangta!
I think I’ll go and simply stare at the voters or sing Tarzan Boy. Why? Simply! I like the tune.

Considering the recession, I bought a cheap pair of sandals for work. Now, let me first talk about my feet. Cheap footwear and my feet don’t go well. This has been since childhood. My feet look like those of a duck, very beautiful! Mom tried to make me wear some cheap shoes and after 3 months, the toes would pop out of the shoes, start smiling and greet her, “hello mommy, your daughter needs better shoes.”

I envy those people who can just slip on anything. There are a lot of foot wears for ladies that are quite cheap and stylish, the flip flops in all shades, the thin straps and so on.

I look at them longingly, but my feet can take only those that are strong hearted else, it will win and leave the sandals in tatters. If you ask me what I would do if I had lots of money, my answer would be,”I’d get a foot job done.” That is one reason why I don’t have lots of money. Now, you might think this is crazy, but I had a hostel mate who wanted to correct her toe nails with surgery if possible. We shook the hostel laughing, after hearing that.

Coming back to the point, I bought cheap footwear for work and after a week of running to the pick-up point, it started laughing. That is when I got angry and being fed up with recession, started the shopping spree.

I bought 3 pairs of really good sandals. Now, I have a rack full of foot wears. It’s a different thing that it has always been full. I also bought some formal shirts and finished it with a nice Kurti and a holiday with S to Wayanad, Kerala (holiday post coming up) to beat the recession to pulp.

It is not like we have not been affected. The flat did not happen as our salaries became unpredictable. I did all kinds of math, but realized they were just not adding up to what we require and it would be too risky to commit on huge EMIs now.

These are the dreams of a middle class. I cheer myself up by saying; “it is ok, this is what I am, I have never been anything else.”

I am going to do something now. Let the flat happen whenever it has to. For now, I’ll change the curtains of the current rented accommodation. Yes, I can do that.

When I became a scheming woman

When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful,
a miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical.
And all the birds in the trees,
well they’d be singing so happily,joyfully, playfully watching me.
But then they send me away
to teach me how to be sensible, logical, responsible, and practical.

I thought I was quite assertive. Well, that was until I met my mother-in-law. I wanted to stay at my parents’ when I went home as I was going alone without S to attend my childhood friend R’s wedding. I rehearsed what I am going to say to her and how I am going to say it and if she gives me some reasons for saying ‘no’, how I should reason with her. The husband neatly walked out of this by saying that he doesn’t want to get involved as both women mean a lot to him and he doesn’t want to take sides. (Bah, I’ll remember this) After all this preparation, when I finally opened my mouth, she said,”No”. That was it. I was blank. Every idea evaporated and I forgot all the corporate trainings that I received and the case studies we had about being assertive. I meekly said ‘ok’ and hung up.

That was when I wished I was not married, but the deed was done.

I had to find a way out.

I resorted to telling half truth. Ha ha ha.

Booked my flight a few days earlier and stayed at home and then went to my in-laws as the dutiful bahu. Since, it was a small place I was worried if some common friends who are in the neighborhood would mention to them that I was home. R, the bride was more worried for me than her own marriage. I joked that I’ll go to the market in the car wearing a helmet to avoid being recognized.

It was funny, it was scary. Having done this, it was easier to stay at the in-law’s place and be the dutiful bahu, coy and obedient else, I would have been really disappointed about my vacation. I have stayed away from home for almost a decade. I don’t go home every year and desperately wanted to stay with my parents.

Co-sister was there for company. She was with the in-laws for about 6 months as she waited for her passport and visa to join bro-in-law in the U.S. She did everything the way mom-in-law wanted and I had to toe the line. I was surprised, but I did learn some things from her, about endurance and being nice, not because they are nice, but because you are.

I have decided to boycott any training on people management or assertiveness.

And they showed me a world where I could be so dependable, clinical, intellectual, cynical.
There are times when all the world’s asleep,
the questions run too deep for such a simple man.
Won’t you please, please tell me what we’ve learned
I know it sounds absurd but please tell me who I am.
Now watch what you say or they’ll be calling you
a radical, liberal, fanatical, criminal.
Won’t you sign up your name,
we’d like to feel you’re acceptable, respectable, presentable, a vegetable! ~ The logical song- Supertramp.