meeting him again

As he narrated the incident over the phone, his voice choked and not much audible between tears, I felt I should be with him. He turned me down and said he wanted to be alone for some days. On my insistence, he agreed to meet me yesterday. I did not lose my cool; comforted him called up ‘J’ and broke down. It hurt to know what he must have gone through.

They had gone for a picnic, 13 of them. On the way, they stopped for breakfast and started taking pictures. He had just crossed the road to give lime to a friend who was not feeling well. Suddenly from nowhere, an upturned lorry skidded towards them. He saw and reacted on time pulling the girl along with him but as he turned back, found one of his friend death on the spot and another girlfriend under it’s weight. One of her limbs got cut and separated just above the ankle and an eye-ball was smashed. He and another friend held her hand willing her to hold on to life for just a little longer as she lost consciousness. They sat helpless by her side as they rushed from one less-equipped hospital to another and were left helpless even when she died of brain damage.

Perhaps, he was right in shutting me off. As much as I would, he might need courage to meet me again amidst the trauma and the tragedy. There were times, I stared at his bike for minutes just to hide if I saw him come and hence, apprehension enveloped me as I went to meet my much remembered boyfriend with a prefix 'ex' yesterday.

Would I realize how much I have matured over the past year, having gone ahead and allowed myself to fall in and out of love, imagine getting married to someone else and even being happy or be surprised that I could still feel and care for him deeply?

Everything was the same and I was not surprised to feel both. He wore a blue checked shirt to which I had often commented, ”Guys know only one color-blue” and I was in a light green and off-white salwar suit which he had seen meaning it was atleast two years old. Time changes people or people change with time.

I sat next to him and listened with pain about the pictures they had taken minutes before the accident with the two deceased smiling. He looked very handsome, tired, fragile and almost lovable but I could not ease the ostensibly lacking comfort level between us. Even if I wanted to, the tenderness and the innocence that once existed hung in the air, out of place. I tapped his knee and brushed his hair slightly as I bade goodbye.

He smsed as I reached my bus, ”You are still the caring person I always knew. Take care.”

Glad I still care for him. Glad I moved on. Glad I know the importance of today to appreciate what I have and to hold on to it. Glad I realize I should smell my rose before it wilts. Damned if I win, Damned if I lose. People fail, love doesn’t!!!

woman !!

"A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .....
one old love she can imagine going back to...
and one who reminds her how far she has come.
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
enough money within her control
to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a youth she's content to leave behind...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
one friend who always make her laugh ...
and one who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE....
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored.
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
a feeling of control over her destiny...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... ..
how to fall in love without losing herself...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... ....
how to quit a job, break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
....when to try harder ...
and when to walk away...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
.....that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
....that her childhood may not have been perfect...
but its over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.....
.....what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
....how to live alone...
even if she doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
.....whom she can trust, whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
....where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table...
or a charming inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
... what she can and can't accomplish in a day...

a month...and a year... "

not mine

I wish these lines were mine but heck! I whacked it from somewhere. I came across them some 7 or 8 months back as I was doing research on something else. Then, it was not my subject of interest so, I didn't save or did anything about it. Yes, but it was not from a blog. I don't remember the author to give the credits or even the beginning but the few lines that I am trying to re-produce here were profound in simplicity and sweetness.

The language will be changed as it is what has been retained by my unrealiable brain cells over the months.

"...then we began to kiss
It was not one of those sloppy kisses
where you don't know how your mouths felt
or one of those hurried ones
as he leaves for work
but it was one of those kisses
where you know exactly
why you started kissing him in the first place
and suddenly
I was not scared of growing old anymore"



Happy Birthday 'J' !!! Let's shop and party sweety