For better or for worse

Now that shes back in the atmosphere
With drops of jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that theres time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like june, hey, hey

Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there.

Bade goodbye to my organization. i join another place on the 27th. The goodbye was a little tough this time. Looking back, i realize i really enjoyed it here and learnt a lot. In fact, i don’t know how fast time passed. 3 years-almost.

SMSed to my old boss R saying 'i am leaving X to join Y. Not a meaty position but i am getting somewhere.' i love reporting to him about what is happening in my career. That company, though it was a very small firm, was another place where i lasted for more than 2 years. He gave me the freedom to do everything i wanted- write, service clients, co-ordinate, move to HR and back. Other places in between have been just few months' wonders. Mr. R was genuinely interested in Paddu and my affairs too. i told him that she married someone we did not hear about and i married someone whom they have not heard about. His reply was, "I am not surprised." Well!!!

After his wife passed way, the company did not last long, he wrapped it up and moved to Mumbai to another line of business. While discussing projects, he used to give nit-bits about his wife and sometimes questioned, 'why she had to leave everything behind?". i never asked anything. He had asked me to take him to coffee when i was leaving, but i don't subscribe to the idea of coffeeing with bosses alone, no matter how much the mutual respect and never did it.

In that small organization, the office boy was Chintan, the coffee-guy was Salaam, the Admin and Facilities lady was Sapna. Every face in the office had a name i knew. i graduated to MNCs and learned not to smile to anybody in the lift, to be a non-existent entity when two people laughed over a joke even if they were standing close to me and i heard it all. The office boys, security guards and everybody else i didn't know became 'excuse me’.

This time, i felt a sense of loss on my last day as if an affair was ending, even if it was for the better. i had a good look at the access card and was quite sentimental when i surrendered. Walked slowly from A block to B block taking in the landscape of the campus and its beauty and how much of a stranger i would be from the next day onwards. It’s tough to bid goodbye to a place you loved so much, a brand so much respected, a cubicle you were possessive about and wonderful colleagues to work with. Analysts claim that it is one among the 3 companies to tide through the recession in the best way. i am not sure if i am throwing it all away. With the recession happening and people losing jobs left, right and centre, i take this plunge hoping this is for the better. Time will tell if i was the greatest fool or i took the right risk.

Have a week to fill in. Thought I’d go for some adventure sports. S is worried I’d slip and fall and perhaps, die. Reason for his worry he says- he has invested a lot of money on me to woo and get married.

Now that shes back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me theres room to grow, hey, hey
…
Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the milky way
And tell me, did venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there –Drops of Jupiter by Train.

The cowdung

Monday morning, I kicked (not stepped) on a heap of cowdung, fell and hurt myself. The shoes got spoilt. The palm started to bleed. No, I did not find anything else to kick. I had to kick the cowdung only. Yes, I did not see the big heap, the size of a ... the size of a BIG HEAP of COWDUNG lying right there on my path. I am so proud of my country and its cowdungs.
Mera bharat mahaan!

It must not be a cow, it must be a cowzilla.

What a way it was to start a monday!

I have not been able to do the dishes because of this and it is very inconvenient as it is the right palm. It is tough to keep it dry and it's taking time to heal.

Had been to Chennai to visit bro-in-law and family. They are going to the U.S for some years. Collected a lot of household items which they cannot carry there. Argued with S over a bunch of artificial flowers. Co-sister gave them to me lovingly as it was new and they hadn't used it. I told him I am going to keep it when we buy a flat and got the flowers along. By the way, I have started buying tea coasters for the new house. I don't know when is the house coming.
I am thinking I must also start buying rods for the curtains.

This is called setting your priorities right.

S booked the tickets. Instead of booking Bangalore to Chennai and Chennai to Bangalore, he booked Bangalore to Chennai in both the cases. Don't we make a good pair? One got hurt stepping over cowdung and one booked 2 onward- journey tickets. We had to come back in a bus in whatever seats available. I had the same pee related problem. S was angry that I cannot hold it being a woman. What has gender got to do with pee? If you want to do it, you want to do it. It is just that we have some civic sense and don't do it anywhere. If you are a guy in India, you just need a brick or a stone in your path to imagine that it is a wall and start. Honestly speaking, there have been times I wished I were a guy.

Missed the office cab that morning. Took rest for 2 hours and set off to work. I was angry with some autowallahs for refusing to take me where I wanted and started walking fast. That is when I missed the cowdung and fell... and hurt myself. It is all because I did not sleep in the bus and I was tired, which is again because S did not get the right tickets. I have finished my analysis here and I am feeling much better.

Talking about Chennai, I have made one more conclusion. It has got just two seasons, summer and summerer. Right now, summer is going on.

Enjoy the silence

Words like violence
Break the silence
Come crashing in
Into my little world
Painful to me
Pierce right through me
Cant you understand
Oh my little girl

All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They can only do harm

I saw something in your eyes that made me wish it was all real. Perhaps, there will be lessons learnt or perhaps, I’d never learn them. Gladly, I would have let you go having lived my life in those moments, those moments of pain and pleasure, but for your shallow words of praise, your shallow words of praise!

Read Suspended animation and this song and words came to mind.
Vows are spoken
To be broken
Feelings are intense
Words are trivial
Pleasures remain
So does the pain
Words are meaningless
And forgettable
Enjoy the silence. ~ Heard Tori Amos sing this. I don’t know who the original singer is.