Monday, September 26, 2005

It is ok to cry

I accompanied my friend to meet her uncle and cousin, who has come here for a para-medical course. Her uncle told me that he is scared to go in the evening to drop her to the hostel as he feared that he would cry. He infact asked us if we could do it for him. I wanted to say that it is ok to cry but just suggested that it would be nice for the girl to be dropped by the parent. As we reached the hostel, he hastened the goodbye process and told her to go inside abruptly as her eyes started misting. I just gave her a tight hug and told her not to worry about anything. (doing the sister act)

Uncle was very upset but controlled himself and this made me think how funny men are! They can’t even express one of the most natural and lovely emotions. They need to be loved so much more and to be taught how it is to cry.

As I type this, I think about my dad too. I saw my dad close to breaking down only once. I hated it because it broke my heart and I didn’t know what to do about it. Now, I know it is all because of the way we are brought up.

I don’t remember being cuddled or hugged by him. I always had to think twice before I opened my mouth as he was the disciplinarian.

I never gave up though. Even though our words were few, I often accompanied him while going for evening walks as that was the time I bonded with him. I made it a point to always hold his hand when we cross the road. I do it even now as that is the only time I touch my dad. I don’t want him to forget how it is to hold his child and how secure I feel by that touch.

It is ok to cry. I don't think it is a weakness. It expresses anger, angst, love, disappointment, happiness that words sometimes fail to do.

I cry over a Govinda flick too. That's a little too much I know :-)

44 comments:

Hemanshu said...

I know just what you mean.. even when I sometimes want to cry and though I know it's okay.. I find it hard to do so.

The only person who has seen me cry (or rather in front of whom I have done so) has been my cousin sister.

sinusoidally said...

So true. Good post.

akash said...

very touching, infact my eyes are misting up and am afraid i am going to cry.

bwaaaahaaaa

ok now i feel so much better

did i mention great post?

Mr. Maverick said...

Not sure whether its ok to cry or not. But even it is not ok, i dont think i could have stopped myself in the moments in did cry!

Arun

claytonia vices said...

How about some crying classes where men can learn to let go and cry? ;-)

claytonia vices said...

Of course, the curriculum would be lots of senti movies... and stationary would comprise of tissue...

shobz said...

i dont know if our cultural contamination tells us to look at men who cry; condescendingly... or is it that when we see the traditional powerful sex look weak, it scares us... whatever it is.. we only need to tell them that 'it is ok to cry'

thanks for all your wishes.. caught up with my blog only now after a long time. its good to be back :) have added you on my 'what i read list'

cheers,

Jo said...

Very touching post. I cried out loud recently and it was a great relief. I think crying is good for mental health just like laughing. :-)

tony said...

I have an Uncle, A One-time Goonda, and picks a fight even today even though he is quite old. he can't stand eve-teasing etc and i have seen him beat up 2 Guys so badly they were both hospitalised, with granpa footing the hospital bills, Only because they were teasing some gals from my neighbour. Imagine HIM, the BIG DADA of our locality Crying when was watching "The Champ". Me the all time joker happened to pass him my hanky when he gave me that kick i won't ever forget.. Yes it is tough men who never cry in Physical pain who cry the most in the pain of the heart. So does my father, this May when I had gone home he was to see me off. All my life he used to give me money whenever he saw me off for my studies and this time also out of habit he took out some money and when i refused he forced me to take it and both of cried. Cried because his loving son no longer needed his care, because u see for a long time It was the only thing i was depending on my father for....

|| sbk || said...

Its a kind of a sickness..you know..I had learnt about it in University when we were doing Cross Cultural Communications...where one finds it hard to cry no matter how grave the issue is...I forgot the word (will get back to u on that!)..The funny part is that I relate to it..I just can't cry..No matter how hurt I am..No matter how much I want to but the sprinklers just seem to remain shut..Even funnier,during PMS..I even manage to cry on ads (u know one of those where the ad selling baby oil,where the mum is just staring at her new born cutie sleeping...)Sigh! Don't ask! heh eheh...yup,it's definately okay to cry..the point is how?

Jas said...

Truly its ok to cry!!! I remember my friends crying while we were watching the movie 'Black' and the best part was when the movie was over nobody wanted to look at anybody in his/her eyes ;). Its a great relief when you cry!!

Stone said...

hmm...same here can't remember being hugged!!!....and I think I'm still waiting.

Dreamcatcher said...

I guess its social conditioning - its not manly to cry or something...and yeah the last line is a killer.

s! said...

i think i would cry at a Govinda flick if i watched them too! poor sod!!

by the way, you didn't clarify about your last post either! :-P

Arun said...

I think it's absolutely fine to cry. Once in a while it lets off all that's bottled up inside you.

Your post reminded me of this ad I wrote a long time back. It went something like:

They say, men don't cry.
I am a man, I cry.
What does that make me?
Unafraid to be what I want to be?

~ Arun

Parna said...

reminds me of my dad. but everytime we cross the road and i hold his hand, he would shake it out, cos he thought that i was holding it cos he is growing old. and does not understand that it is the other way round. strange folks dads are i tell you

GratisGab said...

My waterworks are on at the drop of a hat! I know EXACTLY what you mean.

Nupur said...

:) its like you're talking about my dad!!!


*siiiiiiighhh*
I'm so homesick. I miss those conversations with my dad when he used to come home in the evenings...

miss him and mum too!
*sniff!* :|

infinity said...

boys do cry...but they only do it in private or when they are with someone tht knows them inside out...and govinda???duh!

Arunima said...

@tony: Thanks for sharing it with us. It's really sweet.

zypsy said...

this world will be a better place when men know it's ok to cry and women know it too.

Someone Somewhere said...

thousands of generations before us tell us that men are the stronger sex!
We should really ask ourselves that is there anything that is actually a stronger sex?
We are all ultimately humans!
Everyone of us has feelings!
As men most people believe that it is their duty to not cry,to uphold a brave figure so that people around them can see them and get some comfort etc etc.
But is there really any need for that?
We all have feelings.
Everyone feels sad.
We should never be ashamed of being "human".

noodles said...

boys do cry..
i know

n.g. said...

some men dont cry because there aren't any tears left.

paddy said...

well for me srying makes me feel fresher and more comfortable. though i dont do it seldom.

manuscrypts said...

..about the money you spent on the tickets??

Arunima said...

yes, manuscrypts that too.

Shivangi said...

guys do cry... at the weirdest of things. Just that they find it way too hard than most of us girls. Why, i know of a guy who cried because shah rukh died in Kal Ho Na Ho!!! Honestly, I loved him more after that!

Anonymous said...

It is indeed ok to cry, it is healing!!!!

Mr. Singular said...

I cried once.. when my first girl friend started datign another guy..
It's a surprise to see Noodles here.. Seems he's tired of epao now.. LOL .. didn't even know he has a blog ..

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AmitL said...

Hi,Arunima,u are Soooo right..it's all right to cry...after all, every single emotion in human beings has been created by Him with a purpose...and,crying is one such.

Anat said...

thats just the way males are. we arent taught to share problems, we always delve into our thoughts and make our own solutions. Males try to to strongest when they feel weak. Crying is looked upon as a sign of weakness so men try to control it. Yep its wrong to hide emotions, but we are brought up believing that we are tough... good point arunima.

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Samba said...

It takes courage to cry in public

AmitKen said...

Hey Arunima,

i blogged on same lines some time ago. you may want to go through it here:

Brave Kids do not cry

the Monk said...

Hey, nice...sometimes a good cry helps too, though it's been ages since cried...keep postin...and check out mine sometime...

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Shruti T A said...

Like Sbk, I find it very hard to cry in real life. But I always carry a hanky to the movies. Dil Hai Tumhara is when I cried the most in the part when Rekha sees Preeti for who she is.

Pallavi said...

yeah my dad used to cry over stolen flower pots.. he used to tend to them so lovingly.. and they used to get stolen... and he used to cry... man I found it so endearing.. to see that emotion in him..

www.bubblingbrooks.com/blog

JM said...

It takes a lot to get a guy to cry, just get used to it.

Women, on the other hand, seem to cry at the slightest provocation.

That's just the way we are different.

Anonymous said...

this is really a great blog i would say.It reminds me of my mom so deeply who has left me alone in this world long ago and i feel like crying but as you said correctly,we men always try to suppress emotions.may be because i dont want others to know that i cries in very simple situation.crying signifies weakness and i dont want the world says i am weak.talking about parents,every one loves their parents and i believe parents also loves their childrens equally.there might be many men whose silent cry is the only means to show their love,gratitude and affection for their parents.

Ashish Gupta said...

I do it all the time- watching chick flicks in a closed room alone (I love them!), seeing a 'and-they-happily-lived-ever-after' kinda scene, seeing a father meeting his kids, moms going overboard with their love . . .

I guess its mostly emotional things with us men!

Anonymous said...

have you ever laughed so hard that you've cried? Why do you think that is? Do you ever see children cry when they laugh? I don't think I can recall it. Why is that? Could it be because as we grow older we're conditioned not to show any emotion? I mean little boys cry all the time. I used to do it in elementary school to get attention. But as you get older, emotion gets replaced...with something else. So why do older people cry when they laugh? Is it becaus they're "laughing muscles" haven't been "excersised"? They're out of shape? Think about it...