Wednesday, August 04, 2004

walk away

I sat looking around my room, my room decorated with hidden words-words of my dreams, my angst, my fears…
The past week, emotions have been high and feelings pretty low. How much do I fight the odds and for how long?
I always put one foot forward and set a seeming pattern against an endless background of expectancy and don’t know what to do next. I am always caught in-between. I am always left vulnerable, unaware. I am always stuck.
Happiness needs getting used to I guess. I want to be happy, I want to scream it out but as much as I try, I cannot scream.
Left yet again would be my silent eloquence and me. My thoughts wonder and wander but before I face the truth head-on, I walk away, walk away and always walk away…

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Kiska hai ye tumko intazaar MAIN HOON NA.
Baby the best is yet to happen, so start preparing for the party.
And the countdown begins...10...9..8.7.....

~Me

Anonymous said...

Honey i think you know this line but i am just reiterating....

Heros don't s h i t, they just F U C K and K I L L.

--Papillon

Anonymous said...

Life in Perspective

For those in their twenty-something's... this puts it all into words perfectly. They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like.
You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.
You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.
What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you. You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared. You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.
You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly
you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is
the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.
You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this
because you are not a bad person.
One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with
your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.
You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times
and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

-amit

Manish said...

Call home and beat the blues :-)

Vishnu said...

Hey Amit

Great comment.Made me wonder why iam worrying about the problems iam having.There is no point cribbing about them right now i guess.

Anonymous said...

hi there,

got here thru the comment u left at my place (knee_jerk here in case ur wondering )

i guess the right term to wud be "to walk on" or "keep walking" instead of walk away - 'walk away' implies a certain helplessness , while 'walk on' implies a strength we shud all exhibit to get thru life. keep walking, and keep posting, nice place uve got here :)


knee_jerk

MMN said...

Strive for enlightenment or the moksha. One won't be stuck anymore :P